Another Missed Flight
by EmeraldEyes23
Summary: An alternative ending where Eiji misses another flight and saves Ash before he's bleeding out. Since he's powerless in a wheel chair he has people helping him, of course.
1. Diversion: Escaping from the Airport

**Another Missed Flight**

Stage 1: Escaping from the airport

Eiji somehow had a bad feeling. He knew it was a bad idea to fly back to Japan so suddenly and when still injured. But he didn't have a choice. His parents were shocked when they heard the news that he had been shot and nearly died and begged him to come home instantly.

He didn't know what had happened to Ash while he was in the hospital, but he knew that he would blame himself for letting him get injured during the sudden attack. That must also be the reason why he hadn't come to the airport to see him off. He always thought he only put Eiji in danger and that Eiji would never be safe as long as he would be by Ash's side. It was Ash's way to protect him and to make sure that he was safe by not seeing Eiji off himself. Eiji knew that even though no one else apparently did.

But he still couldn't shake the feeling that something bad would happen. But what could he even do? Being tied to a wheel chair he couldn't just leave the airport, go back to Manhattan and look for Ash. Ibe and Max would stop him and as powerless as he was he couldn't do a thing anyway. Ash said he knew how to fly but now he couldn't even walk properly, let alone run. Damn! If he were able to do that he would've already left by now even if he 'd miss another flight. By now he must be on the Japan Air missing flights most wanted watch list or something.

Just when he was about to drown in self-pity he saw Sing walking towards him. But something wasn't right, Eiji noticed right away. Sing tried to hide it but unlike Ash he's never been good at concealing his true emotions.

"What happened? Did you meet Ash? Did you give him my letter?", Eiji asked.

"Yes, don't worry, I met up with him and gave him your letter. Everything's fine."

"You're a lousy liar. Tell me what's wrong. Now, Sing!"

Sing sighed. "Well, I gave Ash your letter and asked him why the hell he wasn't coming to see you off himself. He just said he wanted you to return to your world far away from all the weapons and the violence. He said he wasn't going to see you because he was your friend. But it wasn't the Ash I knew, it was as if he had given up and nothing mattered to him anymore. His whole body was trembling really hard and even I could hear the pain in his voice. It scared the shit out of me, I've never seen him like that.

It's just ... I don't know... I just have a bad feeling, you know?"

"I know what you mean. And I knew that Ash probably wouldn't come. It's his way of protecting me. He thinks it's safer for me without him being here. However, I have the very same feeling. But how am I supposed to leave here? Don't you see the pathetic state I'm in? How can I help you? I can't even walk!", Eiji said in a painstricken voice.

"My motorcycle is parked just outside. The only thing you have to do is hold on to me. Are you ready to get into some more trouble for our favorite bad boy?" he said grinning mischievously.

"That made Eiji actually smile for the first time in days. "But what about Ibe and Max? There's no way they let me go with you!"

"I'll explain the situation to Ash's gang standing over there and ask them to create a diversion for us."

"Ok, then, but that has to be a pretty good one if you want to fool Max. He's pretty observant and clever."

"That's where you come in. You have to distract Ibe and Max by talking to them, ok? Just engage them in a conversation for 5 minutes and draw their attention to you. After that pretend you want to look around at the book store and when I give you a sign meet me at the entrance where you'll ditch that wheelchair for a really cool motorcycle.", he said, a wicked grin on his face.

"All right, Eiji said a smile lighting up his face. Let's pull one last crazy and unforgettable stunt together!"

Well, here goes nothing. Eiji really hoped he could pull this off.

He drove his wheel chair over to Ibe and Max and after some small talk about Jessica and his son he asked Max if he knew what had happened to Ash and the others while he was in the hospital. He had a feeling that Ibe hadn't told him the whole story since he had still been recovering and hadn't wanted him to get upset.

Realizing Eiji couldn't pull a crazy stunt while sitting in a wheelchair, Max told him what he knew: that Foxx had shot Dino and had fought against a still injured Ash and that Foxx had been killed by Dino in the end who then had fallen down the building and had died as well. He also told him how Blanca had shot down the helicopter that was supposed to be Foxx's means of escape and that Ash had saved Sing but had lost the suitcase full of evidence concerning the Banana Fish incidents by doing so.

Eiji was shocked. He really couldn't believe that he missed so much and that Ash had been this close to dying again without him even knowing it. Why was he always suffering this much? Now he was even more determined to go see him again but to do that he had to stay calm and behave according to plan. So after some more talking he told both of them that he wanted to go to the book store to look for some English books for the flight.

They bought his lie easily which made him wonder when he learned to lie like that. Ash must really have rubbed off on him.

When Sing gave him the sign he drove to the entrance around the corner while at the same time something was exploding at the other side and an alarm was going off. Before Eiji knew what had happened on the other side both of them sat on Sing's motorcycle driving downtown as fast as possible.


	2. Obstacles on the Way to Manhattan

Although it was rush hour in New York, it took them only 30 minutes to reach the city center or to be more precise Bryant Park in Manhattan where the Public Library was located nearby. Luckily they had a motorcycle and could squeeze through all the traffic jams easily so that they reached their destination rather quickly. That and Sing apparently wanted to break the world record for the fastest motorcycle ride from JFK to Manhattan.

But shortly before arriving at the public library there was a huge crowd and a roadblock as well as several police cars and an ambulance that prevented them from getting any closer. They got off and went through the crowd to see what was happening. Sing was supporting Eiji who could barely walk and lost his balance several times and the huge crowd wasn't really helping him.

When they finally reached the front and could see what was happening, they saw him, leaning against the wall with a clearly visible gunshot wound in his chest and vacant eyes staring up at them.

Fortunately it wasn't Ash but Lao, still holding a knife in his right hand dripping with blood. He had obviously been shot from a point-blank range.

Sing was utterly shocked seeing him like that. Lao had always been like a big brother for him, like family. Still Sing couldn't believe that idiot had really done that, only because he had challenged Ash to a duel both of them weren't even serious about. But how could Lao even...? And had it really been Ash who...?

"Sing! Look, over there!" Eiji interrupted his thoughts, motioning in a direction next to Lao where Ash's revolver was lying in a pool of blood.

"Oh, fuck! So it was really Ash shooting Lao!", Sing said, clearly shocked at the hard evidence lying in front of him.

"Well, it is his weapon, I'd recognize it anywhere.", answered Eiji, voice trembling, obviously terrified.

"But how did Lao get so close to Ash? Even if he managed to stage a surprise attack, Ash is way out of his league. There's no way he could get this close to Ash. So how did he manage to even injure him?", Sing wondered, speaking more to himself, apparently lost in thought.

Suddenly Eiji felt panic welling up inside of him. Sing was right. How could Lao get so close to Ash? And how could Ash even get injured by that bastard at all? Why hadn't he seen him coming? What could have happened that he was so distracted... click...and it suddenly dawned on Eiji what had really taken place here... No...! Was it possible that...? There was no way...It couldn't be ...

The only time Ash had ever been distracted had always been when he was with ... him...!

And then he realized with a start what must really have happened! Oh, shit! His letter! Had Ash been reading his letter? And that's why he had been distracted?! That would explain why Lao had managed to get this close to him. Eiji couldn't think of any other way. But was it really true? He couldn't believe it! That meant it had all been his own fault then! He had possibly caused Ash's death himself with his damn letter! No, that couldn't be! Hurting Ash was the last thing he wanted to do! And now he was the reason why Ash would die, if he wasn't dead already!! How could he have done that to him? He'll never forgive himself for that, ever! But it all made sense! It explained everything!

Eiji had frozen up without warning, panicking as the truth hit him with such force that he suddenly couldn't breathe...he sank to his knees in utter desperation, gasping and crying, hands covering his face as an endless river of tears was flowing down underneath.

"Eiji, look at me! You have to breathe!" Sing grabbed him by his shoulders, desperate to get through to him and to get Eiji to finally notice him. Since that didn't work at all, Sing shook him as hard as he could. At last that got a reaction. He finally looked up at Sing. But he still looked through him as if he were invisible, his eyes were unfocused and vacant, similar to Lao's dead eyes before. He knew another method that'd get a reaction out of him for sure, however.

"Eiji, we have to save Ash!" As expected Eiji came back out of his stupor when hearing Ash's name and really noticed Sing for the first time. After a while he finally stopped shaking and began breathing normally.

"It's all my fault..." Eiji said, still sobbing.

"Eiji, I don't know why this is your fault and I honestly don't care at this moment, but maybe we can still save Ash!", replied Sing, trying so sound calmer for Eiji than he actually was while at the same time looking for clues at the scene of the crime that could help them finding Ash.

"There, Eiji! Do you see the drops of blood leading away from here? Only Ash could walk away with a wound like that."

"You don't mean... ", Eiji whispered, his eyes lighting up with a shimmer of hope.

"Yes, I do. I mean, he's Ash, right?" said Sing, smirking. "He probably left and went somewhere else.

That means he could still be alive. We just have to find him."

Sing then forced Eiji to focus by gripping his shoulders again and looking directly into his eyes. "Eiji, I need you to think. Where would Ash have gone? You knew him best. Would he go to someone? What about the public library? Where would he go to seek medical attention or help?"

He wouldn't, Eiji thought. Believing that Eiji was finally safe and gone, Eiji doubted he would get medical attention. He'd think he deserved this fate after killing so many people and committing so many crimes. It wasn't true, of course, but Eiji knew that was how Ash would see it, no matter how hard Eiji had tried to convince him otherwise.

That's why the public library was their best option. It has always been like a sanctuary for Ash, a perfect, dreamlike world of peace far away from all the violence in his real world... And it was only 5 minutes away from here. They would look there first.

"Let's go to the public library first. I'm sure he would go there. It's the only place close enough to reach while injured.", he said, his face radiating determination and strength Sing hadn't seen in a while.

Since Eiji could barely walk and Sing could see that the exhaustion was already getting to him, Sing convinced him to ride the motorbike there. Because of the roadblock they had to take a small detour but it was still faster than walking, especially considering the state Eiji was in.

They parked in front of the entrance and walked inside, all the way through the large entrance hall until they saw the reading room with rows of ancient-looking tables only equipped with lamps and enough space for books or a computer. Eiji stumbled forward as fast as he could manage to the place where Ash normally sat. As usual he saw him sitting at a row of tables where no one else was sitting, all alone as it had always been. He instantly recognized him, his head lying on the table as if asleep, having a peaceful expression on his face. He immediately rushed over to his side, frantic that it would already be too late to save him. But when he saw what he was sleeping on, he suddenly stumbled backwards. Luckily Sing caught him at the last moment. Eiji was so dumbfounded he couldn't believe his eyes. Ash's head was resting on his wrinkled letter, the pages looked as if they were read over and over again and Ash's tears and blood were mixed in with Eiji's messy handwriting. There were also dried tears on Ash's face although his expression looked totally peaceful as if he had finally found the perfect world and the freedom he had always been looking for. That's why Eiji hesitated just for an instant when seeing him like that. For a short moment the thought occurred to him that he should leave him like that since he was looking so at peace with the world for once. But then Eiji remembered all those precious moments he spent with him and his promise that he'd stay by his side forever. That made him finally wake up from his daze and he finally managed to look for Ash's wound and checked his pulse with trembling hands. Relief flushed over his face when he found a weak but steady pulse but Ash had already lost a lot of blood and looked as ashen-faced as his name would imply. When checking Ash's wounds, he noticed that his sweater and his coat were covered in blood that was slowly dripping on the floor under his table. Luckily while Eiji was spacing out, Sing had already told the librarian what had happened an had her call an ambulance.

"Sing, come over and help me!", Eiji urgently called out to him, desperation clearly visible on his face. "I can't move him on my own. We have to put him on the table and apply pressure to his wound. We have to stop the bleeding or he won't make it."

The only reason Eiji hadn't passed out already was Ash's serious condition and his adrenaline rush caused by his constant fear and worry for his friend. So Sing rushed over and helped his panicking friend put an unconscious Ash on the table and while Sing applied constant pressure to his wound, Eiji called Max. After being yelled at for several minutes, he finally managed to explain to him what had happened to Ash, the pain and fear clearly audible to Max in his trembling voice. Max didn't hesitate for one second and called in a few favors to get Ash taken to a private hospital where people wouldn't ask too many questions. He told Eiji to meet him and Ibe there and promised him he'd take care of the situation and that Ash would be all right.


	3. Another Missed Flight - Waking Up - Max

Another missed flight (3)

Waking up – Max

Thanks to Max's fast intervention Ash was taken to a private hospital and immediately went into surgery. Max had luckily been able to arrange that at the last minute so he had been taken to a private hospital owned by an old army buddy of his. The doctors told Max that Eiji and Sing had definitely saved his life at the last minute but that it would depend on Ash's strength if and when he would finally wake up.

It took Ash one week to wake up shortly a few times but he always fell asleep again after a moment, still too dazed to recognize anyone or anything around him. The doctors said this was normal because of the after-effects of the surgery and the painkillers they had given him afterwards.

After ten days he finally woke up long enough to finally notice his surroundings.

"So, I'm still alive, huh?", he thought as his surroundings slowly began to take form. The first thing he noticed was that he couldn't move his body at all. His arms were feeling like lead and he couldn't lift them even an inch. He hated the feeling of having no control over his own body.

His jade green eyes had just opened little by little and hadn't adjusted to the blinding light yet, so he still couldn't make out all of his surroundings.

"What the hell happened to me? Max, is that you? Where am I? ", he groaned weakly in a hoarse voice.

"Yeah, it's me. You're in a private hospital owned by a friend of mine. You apparently have a never-ending supply of luck. It's a miracle you're still alive.", Max replied, his eyes full of relief that Ash had recognized him this time. Ash wondered if he had imagined the tears in his eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I was run over by a truck or something." Ash replied in a faint voice, color slowly returning to his pale face. "The last thing I remember was sitting in the library."

"That's where you were found bleeding out.", Max said in an exasperated tone.

"I can't believe you didn't even try seeking medical attention. The next time you do something stupid like that give me a warning in advance. Good grief, I nearly had a heart attack when I got a call about what had happened to you. I'm too old for stuff like this.", he said, running a hand through his hair, exhaustion dominating his features.

"Don't worry. Next time I'll get killed I'll send you a message in advance from the future, old man.",Ash answered sarcastically, more awake now.

"If you can answer with sarcasm, you'll be alright." Max gave him a half-smile, walking to the door. He still had to take care of some issues and wanted to plan ahead just in case.

Thanks to his "son" he hadn't slept well for days. He had to take care of getting him to a hospital where he wouldn't be arrested on the spot and where his enemies wouldn't find him in his weakened state. He couldn't involve too many people either, so the ones he could ask for help were strictly limited. And he had had a hard time trying to convince his buddy to confirm Ash's death and to finally sign the death certificate and the rest of the necessary documents. He had also had to cash in a lot of favors to arrange Ash's second death including a new identity, passport and so on. Since most people still thought he had already been dead anyway his newspaper just published another article about gang wars in New York recalling Ash's death incidentally.

"Where are you going?", Ash asked, a confused look on his face.

"I'll go tell your "onii-chan " that you're finally awake. He saved your life despite being injured himself. Again. Be a good boy for once and thank him properly." Max told him, a smirk on his face. Ash rolled his eyes.

Then the full meaning of Max's words suddenly dawned on his face. Ash's mouth fell open and his eyes lit up for a fraction of a second. No, it couldn't be ... "Eiji ... is ... here?!" Ash asked incredulously.


	4. Waking Up - Eiji

Max left a confused Ash and several minutes later Eiji was on the way to his room, relieved that Ash had finally woken up. Eiji had spent some time here as a patient as well since he had collapsed as soon as he had known that Ash had been cared for. It really had been a miracle he had been holding up until then. He had still been weak to begin with and his wound had reopened, soaking his shirt and pants with blood. Actually he had looked as bad as Ash in his bloodstained clothes... Eiji had barely registered any of that, so focused had he been on Ash. So in the end they had to stitch Eiji up again and told him to rest as Ash was unconscious anyway and needed at least one week to wake up - if he woke up at all. Eiji must have been in pretty bad shape as well since even all the anger on Ibe's face dissipated into thin air when seeing him. He didn't even mention the missed flight and his sudden disappearance. He had just been relieved that he would be fine.

The doctors had hammered it into Eiji's head not to bring up anything that will upset Ash since he was still very weak and on painkillers. It was thanks to his strong, iron-like body that he was even able to regain consciousness at all. Normally people would die from such a wound and most of all from such a huge amount of blood loss. Especially when they had already had a similar wound in the same area. But even Ash would need much rest if he wanted to recover completely.

Well, we'll see how that will work out, Eiji thought skeptically, since my presence alone is a reason that will upset him. At least that's what he expected. After all Ash thought he 'd be safe in Japan by now. Well, here goes nothing., Eiji thought, while entering Ash's room.

When Eiji entered Ash couldn't believe his eyes. He gasped, completely speechless for once, his jade green eyes wide open with shock. He tried to get up and immediately regretted it, paling from the effort and grimacing in pain. Rushing to his side Eiji pushed him back into the cushions, gently but firmly, and told him to calm down.

"What the hell...Eiji...? Why are you here, goddamn? Why the fuck aren't you back in Japan?", he swore in an irritated voice. He was frowning up at him while his narrowed eyes were burning with anger. Most people would have thought his intense glare looked frightening. But Eiji had never been scared of him and could even hear the worry in his cold voice.

"I missed you, too, Ash.", Eiji said, scowling down at him, arms crossed in defiance.

"No, I didn't mean...", he started to say but gave up when he saw the warmth returning to Eiji's brown eyes.

Eiji sat next to him on the bed so that they were at the same eye level.

"I guess I missed another flight. Again. My parents will really kill me this time. My mom's a lot scarier than any mafia boss when worrying about me. I think I'll be much safer here.", Eiji said, smirking to lighten up the mood.

"But I guess it was more important to save a really smart but dumb American from bleeding to death after reading my embarrassing letter." His smile faded and sadness clouded his features. "I still can't believe you really did that, Ash." Ash had to avert his gaze from the hurt in Eiji's eyes and abruptly changed the topic.

"But how did you even manage to get to me in your injured state? Are you really all right?", Ash asked in a concerned tone.

Eiji was actually grateful for the change of subject to something slightly less dramatic. He wasn't ready to talk about that yet. And he wasn't sure he could control his emotions at this time. He really wanted to punch that idiot but after all he went through he immediately regretted that thought, feeling like the worst friend ever.

"I'm fine now as long as I don't move.", Eiji assured him, wincing a bit when he did. He decided it would be a pretty bad idea to tell Ash he had reopened his wound in the process of saving him. Not now at least. When he was this weak. He'd just get upset or mad or both. He'd tell him later, he decided.

"Now we have matching scars, at least." Eiji said with a smirk on his face.

"That's not funny, Eiji!" exclaimed Ash, flinching suddenly from his sudden movement. Eiji was just grinning anyway and slowly pushed him back down again.

"Eiji...you... how could you do something so crazy and dangerous again...And in your injured state even...And how did you even find me?"

Eiji answered in a serious tone "I just had a bad feeling leaving you alone. I somehow knew something bad would happen. So did Sing. He convinced me to miss my flight and helped me escape from the airport."

"I'm going to kill him... after thanking him for saving my life, of course.", Ash commented with a sarcastic smile on his face. "He's a bad influence on you, Eiji!"

"Then, what are you exactly?", Eiji asked curiously, half-joking.

"The worst influence. A person you shouldn't get close to." He was actually serious. Eiji couldn't believe it. He shot him an incredulous look.

"That ship sailed a long time ago. Even you must know that by now."

Eiji wondered if Ash actually knew that. Ash had never really understood why Eiji had stayed by his side. And that their bond worked both ways. He was kind of clueless in that regard.

"I guess.", Ash answered reluctantly, looking away from him.

After a few minutes in silence Ash's curiosity won out.

"But, really, how did you escape? And how did you even get back downtown? You were in a wheelchair for God's sake! You couldn't even walk. You still can't...not really..." Ash's voice broke and Eiji could see an ocean of guilt in his green eyes.

Eiji touched his arm gently. "Stop blaming yourself for that. Protecting you was my decision. I don't regret it and neither should you!" Eiji's face radiated determination. Before Ash knew how to react to that, Eiji continued quickly.

"As I told you Sing helped me. The short version is that we created a diversion. Or maybe I should say your gang created a diversion while I distracted Ibe and Max by talking to them." Eiji just had to smile remembering that. That had really been fun.

"You mean you lied to Ibe and Max and they actually fell for it?"

Ash started laughing and this time his laugh really reached his eyes, making them light up with humor. But he also winced in pain from laughing so hard. "Don't worry, Eiji, I'm fine.", he said when seeing the anxious look on Eiji's face.

"So you really managed to lie to them?", he asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I was surprised, too. But I learned from the best after all.", Eiji reminded him, laughing as well.

"What happened then? How did you get away?"

"After our quick escape on Sing's motorbike, we made a little road trip to Manhattan. I swear Sing drives as recklessly as you do. He apparently wanted to break the world record or something..." Eiji complained.

"Shortly before arriving we encountered a roadblock with a shot Lao and your damn weapon lying next to him. How could you lose your .357 Magnum by the way?" Ash actually flinched at that. Under normal circumstances he would never let go of his weapon. Ever. Let alone lose it.

"I guess I lost it when..."

Ash stopped himself. He couldn't tell Eiji that he had lost his gun while trying to pick up his letter again. And that he didn't care for his gun at all since he knew he's be dying soon anyway. So he asked something else he was curious about.

"But how did you even know where I was? Or where I would go?"

"I knew you were in the public library because I do know you very well. Better than you think. That and even you couldn't have gotten that far with such a bleeding wound.", Eiji answered honestly.

"But without Sing's help I wouldn't have been able to do it.", he admitted reluctantly. He helped me calm down and think about all the places you could have gone. The public library was the best option. It had always been one of your favorite spots. Like a sanctuary or something. A place where you felt safe. It made sense you'd go there. So that was where we went first. We were just lucky, I guess." He began trembling. "I'm really glad I found you in time..." Eiji said, tears suddenly filling up his brown eyes.

Ash slowly took Eiji's hand. "Eiji. I really am...sorry." Ash wished he could comfort him by putting an arm around his shoulders but he could still barely move his arms at all. Or sit up. Or stay awake. He hated being this powerless. It made him nervous.

"But I'd never have expected you to come back for me... After I haven't even seen you off...? And after not visiting you at the hospital...", he explained to Eiji in a guilt-stricken voice, not meeting his eyes.

"You couldn't have visited me. Charlie would have arrested you on the spot. I knew that.", Eiji said, understanding in his tone.

"And I knew you weren't seeing me off for my sake. You either thought that I wouldn't leave when seeing the sad and pained look on your face or that you'd put me in danger again, right?", Eiji concluded his eyes displaying pure kindness while looking into his.

Ash stared at him in amazement, a stunned look on his face. Then he relaxed, closing his eyes for a moment.

Trying to hide a yawn he said in a relieved tone "I knew that you'd understand it. Even if no one else did."

Ash hoped Eiji wouldn't notice how exhausted he was. At this point he could hardly keep his eyes open. Maybe the next time he woke up Eiji wouldn't be there, not after what he had just done. That must have been the final straw. Even Eiji wouldn't forgive him this time.

Eiji stared at him intently, noticing how fatigue slowly clouded his features. "Well, it was still stupid.", Eiji noted. "I wanted to see you one last time before I left." Ash didn't say anything, too sleepy to argue.

Suddenly Eiji scrutinized Ash with an intensity he had never seen before. Anger flashed in his brown eyes. "You look white as a sheet and your eyes are filled with fatigue. Don't try to hide that from me!" Ash's eyes widened with shock at Eiji's upset tone.

"Go back to sleep.", he said in a softer voice. "You'll need it."

"I'm fine...", Ash said stubbornly, avoiding eye contact. Fuck, he just couldn't fool Eiji.

Eiji rolled his eyes dramatically at his tough-guy act, just glaring at him. But after seeing the miserable look on his face, his brown eyes flooded with compassion while he assured him "I'll be right here."


	5. A rocky Road To A New Dawn (1)

When Ash woke up again a storm was raging outside. As if mirroring the tumult of feelings boiling inside of him. Hope and happiness, desperation and fear, frustration and disheartenment, comfort and worry. How fitting, Ash thought sarcastically.

Dark blue clouds were covering the formerly bright azure sky. Joining hands with the fading and weak glow of the sun hiding in the background it seemed as if the sky was bleeding. The gloomy play of the elements flooded his room, seemingly pulling him back to the sinister world he belonged to.

Eiji wasn't here anymore. Well, of course he wasn't... Although he had promised him he would be. I'll be right here. His expression then had been filled with so much compassion and worry that he had been so close to believing him. It was selfish of him, he knew, but deep inside he had hoped Eiji would still be right here at his side, but... He wondered why Eiji would even stay for someone like him? Such an amazing person as Eiji could be easily friends with anyone. He was kind, warm-hearted, compassionate and so pure and innocent... So why would he choose a heartless creature of darkness like him, a devil, a murderer? It made no sense why he wanted to stay by his side. His logical mind painfully reminded him that Eiji staying close to him was just wishful thinking.

Fuck, he had nearly killed Eiji, even failing to protect him! He was the reason why he could barely walk and was tied to a damn wheel chair!! He should keep his distance from Eiji. It was better that way. He would only drag him down into the darkness with him, getting him killed eventually. He just couldn't do that to him...

However, after that final reckless stunt he had pulled...he'd surely never forgive him anyway... Eiji had probably only waited until he was waking up and once he had seen that he was alright he'd left for Japan again. He only hadn't told him so because Eiji was too nice a person and didn't want to upset him in his pathetic state.

Damn, he had never expected Eiji of all people to find him while bleeding out. He used to always plan five steps ahead of time but for once he hadn't bothered knowing he'd be dying soon anyway. So the worst-case scenario of Eiji finding him was one he hadn't seen coming at all... Holy shit, how could he have done that to him? He was the worst person ever. No wonder Eiji wasn't here anymore...

Totally lost in thought he nearly jumped when Max entered his room again, cursing at the pain the sudden movement had caused. Shit, he had never even heard him come in ... he really wasn't up to his game! He really hated being caught off guard. Talk about an easy target...on the streets he would have been long dead by now...

All this medication was really fucking up his usually sharp mind...Ash hated feeling so pathetic and useless but he hated even more having to rely on others for help.

"Are you all right? You look really pale." Max said, suddenly concerned. When he saw Ash's face twisted in pain, trying to lie back down again, realization hit him. "You never heard me come in, did you?" He looked taken aback and worried.

"Shut up! I'm fine.", he said stubbornly, green eyes boring holes into the ceiling above him. After a moment he admitted reluctantly "But I still don't have complete control over my body. It's making me nervous."

"Don't worry. No one knows you're here. This is a private hospital of an old Army buddy of mine. It's safe.", he assured him. "Only a few selected people know you're here." Ash still looked doubtful, already thinking ahead of every worst-case scenario. After a short silence he asked the question he had always been curious about:

"So, tell me, Dad", Ash laughed bitterly, "how the hell could you let Eiji escape from the airport? He could be safe by now, you know? In Japan. Far away from me."

Ash's green eyes filled up with true regret, crossing his arms over his chest in defiance. Even while severely injured Ash only worried about Eiji, not caring about himself at all. Eiji had reacted exactly the same way when he had been badly wounded. The irony wasn't lost on Max...He smiled. If Ash could only be a bit more honest with himself and just admit how much he cared for Eiji, it would make things so much easier. He sighed dramatically.

"So time for smalltalk with your "dad" is over, I see...", Max answered with a sardonic smile running away from his face, trying to lighten up the frosty atmosphere. The dark blue storm clouds outside devouring the sun's warmth weren't helping.

A moment later he got serious again. "I honestly never thought Eiji could escape in a fucking wheel chair.", he admitted uneasily, guilt apparent in his eyes while nervously running a hand through his hair. "And besides, you of all people should be really grateful that he did escape. You'd be dead by now if it weren't for Eiji.", he added bluntly, frowning down at him in frustration.

"Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing...", Ash said more to himself, looking out of the window. The rain clouds appeared even more threatening now and the outside world seemed to drown in pitch-black darkness.

"Are you fucking serious?!", Max grew even more agitated while gripping his shoulders forcing Ash to face him. The hurt reflected in his features made Ash actually flinch and lowering his gaze.

"You wouldn't say that if you had seen Eiji desperately applying direct pressure to your wound while being severely injured himself." Max's furious eyes mirrored the raging storm outside. "He could barely stand, his face was glistening with sweat and tears were running down his pale face.", Max's stare shot arrows coated in pain and hurt at him, still shivering while remembering that situation in vivid pictures in his mind.

"He did what?!" Ash's green eyes were glowing fiercely with pure horror. He got so worked up that he moved too fast. All of this was coming as a shock to him since he had no recollection at all of the past events. He suddenly grimaced with pain, clutching his side and turning white as a ghost. Max gently pushed him down again and told him to lie still. Max knew he'd get upset but there was no gentle way of telling him. If it concerned Eiji he would get upset anyway. But someone had to tell that idiot that Eiji had actually risked his own life while saving him. Or Ash would never understand how much he meant to Eiji. Ash confirmed this by asking incredulously "How – How could he do that?", color slowly returning to his ashen face. "What about his own injury?", Ash's eyes were tormented by guilt and worry.

"Eiji didn't care for his own injury. Or even noticed. He only remained standing thanks to the adrenaline rush running through his veins. According to Sing Eiji was scared to death when seeing you. But he didn't hesitate for long and tried desperately to stop the bleeding. Eiji had to be in pain as well, you know." Ash's downcast eyes were overflowing with regret, his hands tightening into fists. Max sat on the side of his bed, looking directly at him. "Eiji didn't notice anyone else around him. All attempts to get him to let go of you were in vain. You know how stubborn Eiji can be when it comes to you. His eyes were on fire, burning golden with an unbreakable resolve, dead set on saving you. Protecting you. At all costs." Ash was at a loss for words. Feeling his chest tightening, he was clutching it firmly, breathing really hard. Max's words had turned into a thousand daggers boring directly into his bleeding heart. Ash wanted to tell Max to stop talking but he couldn't find his voice again. So Max gave him the final blow that he obviously deserved. At least Ash felt that way by now. "Eiji was risking his life for you. You realize that, don't you, Ash?" Ash slowly nodded, an arm covering his eyes, a silent tear running down his cheek.

"He never left your side. Only when you had been taken care of at the hospital, he finally collapsed. I don't even know how he managed to stay conscious in his state until then.", Max admitted. "That boy will do anything for you. When will you finally get that?" Max asked incredulously. "You're really dense sometimes for someone this smart." Ash just smiled sadly up at him.

"So...Where is he now? Obviously he's not here anymore. Finally decided to leave me after all I've put him through, huh? Can't really blame him..." Although it was selfish of him he had still hoped Eiji would still be close by when waking up. Not that he'd admit that to Max. Instead he hid behind his walls of indifference. "That's the first smart thing he's done so far. Staying away from me." He concluded stubbornly, a bitter smile on his lips.

"Ash, of course he didn't leave! He'd never do that to you." He pointed at him, a storm of frustration overpowering his eyes. "You're really a lost cause, you know that?",he scolded him, a look of resignation on his face. "After what I've just told you, you should know better! Were you even listening to me?" Max said, clearly disappointed.

Despite hearing those harsh words happiness made Ash's jade green eyes shine like emeralds for a fraction of a second. His blonde hair shimmered golden touched by the bright sunshine after the storm and the clouds both had slowly taken their leave, freeing Ash from the gloomy darkness around him. Eiji was still here after all.

But then his sadness returned when realizing his hopeless situation again. That violence would always follow him everywhere. That he would never be able to achieve complete freedom. That he'd never be able to take off into the air leaving all his baggage behind like Eiji had done. There was no way out for him, his life was a one-way street directly leading to a dead-end.

"Eiji should go to Japan like he had planned. I'll just mix him up in violence and warfare again. Or I'd bring the violence to Japan. I can't do that to him. He'll only suffer as long as he stays by my side." It had sounded much more convincing in his mind. Now it sounded like a computer generated automatic response. Like he was saying it on autopilot. Max saw what he tried to do and asked sadly "Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" Heaving a sigh in frustration he simply asked "What do you want me to say? As long as I have enemies looking for me we have no other choice but to lead separate lives. We. Not I. That was a start at least.

Max got up from the chair next to his bed and sat on the side of his bed again. He wanted to be at the same eye level when he told him the next part.

"Ash, you now have a once-in-a-lifetime chance to turn your life around. You've officially been confirmed dead, so no one will look for you anymore."Max was smiling warmly at him.

"Huh?" Ash's empty stare told Max he had no clue what he was talking about. "What do you mean?", he asked bewildered.

"Here you go. "He gave him the latest New York Tribune. "I asked my boss to let me publish another article about gangs in New York and I incidentally confirmed your death at the public library as well. Besides I told you that this hospital belongs to an Army buddy of mine. I saved his ass so many times over there that he agreed to fake your death and signed the official papers for it. So, congratulations, gang leader Ash Lynx is officially deceased now. Again. Your enemies won't be looking for you anymore. You're free.", he explained to him. Ash still looked skeptical. "Seems too easy for me. They won't give up that easily. You can't be that naive." He wanted to believe that he was finally free, but he had already played out various options and worst-case scenarios in his mind. He just couldn't help it.

"You forget that most of your enemies already think you're dead. Or they will at least believe it now. The New York Tribune carries a lot of weight in the media world. If they publish it people will take it at face value. Oh, and you'll need this now that you're dead.", he said, handing him a small package.

"It's a farewell gift from your former teacher." Ash eyed the package and then him suspiciously. "Stop glaring at me like that and just open it.", Max complained.

After some hesitation Ash reluctantly opened it. Inside was an ID card and a passport with a new name. They both looked genuine or at least flawlessly and professionally faked.

"Why?", Ash asked immediately, already wondering what favor he had to carry out as repayment. Max was actually laughing at him. "Ash, you know why. Don't play dumb with me, ok?" Ash smirked up at him, crossing his arms.

"But how did you even get those? Last I knew you're neither a spy nor a criminal mastermind. Even if you have a safe house at the docks."

"Blanca."Ash's eyes slipped him a curious glance, then suddenly frowned. "Oh, right."Max had already told him that it was a gift from Blanca. His mind was apparently going in slow motion today. He didn't like that. Or maybe he was just tired.

"But you don't even know Blanca. How would you contact him?" As always Ash was looking for the ulterior motive behind his words. Or behind Blanca's actions. Maybe Blanca wanted his help with some mission for the passport? He never received gifts without strings attached to it. "I get that you probably did it just for me. Whatever the reason... But what does Blanca want in return? I never get gifts without having to repay the favor eventually." There was shock and disgust on Max's face. He knew what Ash was hinting at. And was that...worry?

"There really isn't a catch. Blanca has already returned to the Caribbean. Sing handled the rest. Seems he forced Yut-Lung to ask Blanca for help."

"That bitch would never help me! He fucking hates me! And he hates Eiji even more!" Ash growled, his jade green eyes flaming up with pure hatred. He winced again.

"Don't get so worked up every time. Just lay still, goddammit! Max scolded him.

"Apparently Sing can handle him. Seems Yut-Lung has a soft spot for him. Sing was really shocked seeing you bleeding out in that library and learning that it was Lao who had stabbed you. He blamed himself for that and wanted to help. So he talked some sense into Yut-Lung, mainly that you and Eiji nearly dying was his fault to begin with and to put things right again. Make it up to you.", he explained in more detail.

Ash still didn't look convinced at all. "Stop looking for an ulterior motive. Sing promised that Yut-Lung won't interfere. According to him Yut-Lung doesn't see you as an enemy anymore. He was just jealous of your relationship with Eiji.

You don't have to use these documents but keep them just in case. Maybe you'll need them sooner than you think." Having a devilish grin on his face, he winked at him. Ash just rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Honestly, Ash, just do yourself a favor and talk to Eiji, all right? And I mean really talk to him. About everything. He'll tell you the whole story. But after that stunt you pulled he'll never leave your side again. That's for sure...", he told him while leaving his room, looking back at him. Max wondered when Ash would understand how much he meant to Eiji. He secretly hoped Eiji would get mad and tell him what a big idiot he was. And then ask him to come to Japan with him.

Ash just stared at him, wide-eyed. And then he stubbornly faced the other way, hiding from Max the smile that was slowly spreading across his face.


	6. A Rocky Road to A New Dawn (2)

The next morning Eiji entered Ash's room. It was still early so Ash was still sleeping. Eiji sat on the chair next to his bed and waited for him to wake up. The blinds had only been raised a bit upward so that the bright daylight wouldn't wake him up. Since the blinds, as well as the majority of the medical equipment in this hospital, had been shipped from Europe, they were of a dark grey color but had tiny oval holes in it. So the daylight was breaking through them and different patterns drawn by the sunlight danced on Ash's face and hair, giving him a partially golden glow.

Usually Ash had a pained expression on his face, no matter if he was sleeping or unconscious.

But this time he looked really peaceful sleeping like that, his features relaxed for once, some strands of his messy blonde hair having fallen above his eyes. Eiji wanted to move them away from his face, to touch him, hold his hand, just show him he was there but he was too afraid to wake him up. So he just leaned over the right side of his bed. He placed his elbow on the side of his bed, his head resting in his right hand and just watched him sleep. Eiji was so relieved Ash still had a heartbeat he could actually hear. That he could still hear him breathing ... Just hearing these sounds nearly brought tears to his eyes...

Eiji had spent most of last night reflecting for the millionth time on Ash's drastic final decision and his motives for possibly having reacted like that. In part he understood his reasoning and he had always known he was having some suicidal thoughts at times but he was still shocked and sad that he had really given up on his life that easily. That he hadn't valued his life and hadn't gotten help or had even cared what would happen to him. It hurt to realize that Ash had apparently never thought about the people he would leave behind. Like him or Max. But most of all he couldn't forget Ash's relaxed expression when bleeding out, nearly smiling and totally at peace with the world for once. That had shocked him even more than the fact he bled out lying on his farewell letter, Ash's tears mixing in with his messy handwriting, as if that damn letter was his most valuable possession...

Max didn't have to tell him that he was the only one who could convince Ash to come to Japan with him and start a new life there. That he was the only one Ash was actually trusting (even though he was too stubborn to admit that) and really listening to. But Eiji wondered how to approach such a sensitive topic. He was never good at hiding his emotions, especially in front of Ash. He was afraid they would overwhelm him. But Max and Ibe had both convinced him to let his feelings run free because Ash needed to comprehend the gravity of his decision and that he hurt people close to him, even though not intentionally. Even Sing agreed and told him to let it all out, so that idiot would finally understand why Eiji had risked his life to save him. That he needed someone to yell at him what an idiot he really had been. That he really deserved a second chance and a better life with him. That now was his once-in-a-lifetime chance to grasp it. Most of all he had to convince Ash that he wanted to spend his life with Ash as well. With Ash's head-strong personality that wouldn't be easy, that was for sure... So Eiji spent most of last night thinking about that conversation. He worried how he could make that stubborn idiot believe that he deserved a fresh start in life and to come to Japan with him. To a country where he was safe and didn't need a gun to survive. Where he could find the freedom he had always been looking for.

While Eiji tried to come up with a way to start this emotionally loaded conversation his tiredness finally caught up to him. His eyes felt heavier with every minute that passed while sitting there until the elbow supporting his head finally became limp, unable to support his weight any longer and his head slowly descended onto Ash's chest, his right arm falling limply onto Ash's shoulder, his other arm resting at the side of the bed on Ash's pale arm. Since he was still on medication Ash was dead to the world so he didn't notice Eiji's movement at all. He just shifted slightly and slept through all of that.

When Ash finally woke up several hours later the sun was already high up in the sky. He woke up slowly, drowsy from sleep and wondered where the hell he was again and why he was here. He slowly remembered that this was a private hospital Max had taken him to. Those damn painkillers still clouded his mind although according to Max the dosage had apparently been reduced considerably. He eventually wondered why his chest felt so heavy and his breathing felt more difficult than usual ... until he noticed there was someone lying on ... his chest? Why? Who? It took him a moment to realize it was... Eiji? What the hell ...?

"Eiji?", Ash asked in confusion, waiting for a reaction, a hint of a blush running over his face. But why? The first thing that came to his mind was that Eiji must be hurt. While panic surged through him and he tried to check if Eiji was alright, Eiji shifted slightly from Ash's sudden movement, rubbed at his eyes sleepily and looked up at Ash in a daze. "Ash?, he asked in a voice still hoarse from sleep. Relief flooded Ash's pale face and he finally relaxed. When Eiji realized where he was and what or rather who he had been lying on the whole time he quickly shot back, an intense blush suddenly creeping over his face as well.

"I'm so sorry, Ash, are you alright? I must have dozed off. I didn't really get much sleep last night.", he babbled nervously, his cheeks still faintly red while his words were pouring out so lightning fast that even Ash could barely keep up. Ash nearly had to smile but then he realized what Eiji had just told him. "Why?", he asked, worry clouding his green eyes.

"Because we need to talk about what happened, Ash. And I had no idea how to broach such a ... difficult ... topic.", sadness reflected in his downcast brown eyes.

Ash froze up when hearing Eiji's voice falter, bracing himself for what was to come. Bracing himself for the rejection that would undeniably follow. Eiji would surely tell him now that he had hurt him so much that Eiji couldn't take it any longer. That he would leave for Japan and never wanted to see him again after finding him bleeding out. That he had suffered enough while by his side. That he deserved someone better than Ash who didn't permanently endanger his life and put him through so many hardships... And he was right. But why was that still so hard to accept for him? He wanted Eiji to leave him, to be safe, to return home, didn't he...? But still, when Ash only imagined Eiji leaving him, panic rose up inside of him, gripping his blanket so tightly his arms were trembling and his knuckles turned white as a sheet.

When Eiji noticed Ash's inner turmoil he sat on the side of his bed and just placed one hand over Ash's, tentatively so he could pull back if he wanted to. He didn't. But he relaxed slightly, the grip on the blanket loosening. "But honestly, Ash, there's no way I'm leaving you. Even if you tell me to. I know you don't really mean it and I wouldn't listen anyway. Especially after that stunt you've just pulled.", he told him reassuringly, his eyes overflowing with compassion while looking into his. Relief flushed through Ash. Not that he would ever admit that... But Eiji saw the light returning to his eyes anyway.

Ash hesitated for a moment. "But...why would you do that? After finding me like that...Just look at the state you're in...you're still in pain... That's all on me..." Shadows of guilt had clouded Ash's eyes again, the brightness sparkling there only seconds ago quickly fading away. "You can't stay here with me, Eiji! I'll only bring you trouble. Just like now!", he called out, suddenly pulling his hand back from Eiji's, crossing his arms in defiance and turning his face away from him towards the window. But Eiji didn't fall for it at all because he had already seen the worry filling his eyes. Why did that idiot always have to be this stubborn? Why couldn't he just be honest for once? At least to himself? Or around him? Ash and his tough-guy act really drove him mad sometimes! He suddenly got up from the bed, turning away from Ash while trying to control his emotions. And failing miserably. His anger finally won out. Sighing, he finally turned back to him, no longer trying to hide his emotions.

"Is that really all you have to say to me? After all we've been through? he shouted at him with unhidden anger displayed on his face.

Ash just stared at him, astonished by his sudden outburst. Eiji was standing in front of him, hands on his hips, his eyes burning golden with anger. Ash had never seen Eiji so furious. But it was so like him, all of his feelings were clearly visible on his face, straight up and honest. Eiji's gaze penetrated his obstinate attitude easily and could see right through his poor tough-guy act. Hell, he was the only one who even dared to speak to him like that. Never scared at all. That was so refreshing that Ash was completely stunned and had no idea how to react at all.

"What do you want me to say?", Ash finally asked bewildered, unsure how to respond to his sudden outburst.

"Oh, I don't know...", Eiji shoved his hands into his pockets while answering in an exasperated voice. "What about thanking me first for saving your damn life? Or for risking my own life for you? Asking if I'm alright? That would be a really good start, Ash." Even if he hid his hands in his hoody's pockets Eiji knew that Ash had noticed them trembling. He had always been really bad at hiding his emotions, especially in front of Ash. So in the end he just gave up trying and just let them run free. Maybe when seeing his agitation Ash would finally give up trying to push him away.

"Oh...", Ash was momentarily taken aback by Eiji's angry attitude, so unlike his normally calm personality. "You're right, Eiji. Sorry." He looked up at him. "Thank you for doing that. Really. It's just that you were the last person I wanted to find me...to see me like that..."He looked down as his trembling hands clenched into fists again, "I thought you'd hate me ... After what I've done this time... So when I woke up the last time and you were gone ... I thought you'd have finally left me for good..." Staring directly at him, Ash added in frustration "Damn, Eiji, I just want you to be safe. But you'll never be safe in New York. Or by my side. And in my pathetic condition I can't even protect you. It's just a matter of time before my enemies will find me here!", Ash tried to explain desperately, swimming in shame at his vulnerable state.

Eiji heaved a sigh in resignation."I know all of that, Ash. But you're not the only one who's worried, you know? I worry about you, too. That's why I've been talking to Ibe, Max and Sing while you were resting. About what we are going to do now. What our next steps are.", Eiji replied honestly, warmth returning to his brown eyes. "And I could never hate you. Even if you are a stubborn idiot." Ash relaxed instantly, Eiji's warmth was contagious and flooded right through him. But then the truth about what he had just told him sank in.

"So you really return home, huh? I understand...after everything I put you through...", Ash turned his downhearted gaze away from Eiji, knowing he would see the sorrow in his eyes. He told him to leave, yeah, but...

Eiji walked over and sat at the side of his bed again, putting a hand on Ash's shoulder, looking directly into his eyes. "No, Ash, I don't think you do. Because with 'what WE are going to do now' I meant 'me and you'. Together.", he explained.

Ash stared at him, wide-eyed, complete confusion rolling over his face. "Huh? What are you saying?"

Eiji couldn't believe it, with his superior intelligence he could outwit even the most dangerous opponents easily but when it came to him he was totally clueless. It made him smile for a second.

"I'm saying that I haven't gone through all the trouble of saving you only to lose you again." Eiji seemed to grow more agitated again, gripping Ash's upper arm tightly while raising his voice with each word. "Ash, you've just practically killed yourself, for God's sake. You didn't even call for help and didn't care what would happen to you at all. But I do care." Ash had to look away from Eiji's penetrating gaze. Again. He just couldn't bear to see his grieving expression. "I won't leave you alone again.", Eiji insisted, forcing Ash to look into his eyes by turning Ash's face in his direction again, a resolute look on his face. Ash's mouth fell open, complete surprise dominating his features.

"Why...?", was all he could manage, at a loss for words.

"Because you're too self-destructive and I worry, ok? Who knows what you'll do the next time I leave you?" Although still shivering a little himself after recalling the memory of finding Ash bleeding out, he took his still pale hand in his. "You don't value your life. You won't outright kill yourself but at this point you wouldn't put up much of a fight either if someone attacked you.", Eiji answered honestly, pain overpowering his voice. "I've told you I'll protect you, even from yourself if necessary.", he finished with an expression radiating pure confidence.

Before Ash even had time to reply anything, Eiji continued, pointing straight at him. "So don't you dare try to make me leave again. That won't work no matter what you say. I'm too stubborn. You should know that by now, Ash.", Eiji finished, a smirk playing on his face, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Eiji, you ...", Ash tried, but was interrupted. Again. Normally Eiji wouldn't be this rude and cut short what other people were saying. Especially not him. But this time Ash would listen to him for once. Without interrupting him. Or that idiot would never understand why he was so mad. So worried. So scared.

"And we both know you don't really mean it.", he continued. "You want me to stay but are just too stubborn to admit that, even to yourself. You're too afraid to long for happiness or a second chance because you think you don't deserve it. But you're still mistaken. After all you went through you deserve a happier life the most. And you should know one other thing: I chose to stay by your side because I wanted to. And I still do. I don't care how dangerous it is. I don't care if I'm hurt either. But I don't want to lose you. Not after barely saving you. This is my decision. And you can't change my mind." In a warmer tone he explained "It's ok to be selfish sometimes, you know? To wish for a better life or to wish to spend your life with someone who cares for you. Who makes you feel safe." Ash gaped at him. Eiji scared him sometimes. Occasionally he forgot that his perfect pokerface didn't work on Eiji at all, that he could just read his thoughts and see his emotions easily, like an open book.

Eiji's brown eyes bored directly into his green ones while stating honestly "Just look into my eyes and tell me straight to my face that you really want me to leave. Then I will." Determination flared up in Eiji's eyes, turning them golden brown. Ash had temporarily forgotten how speech worked. He wanted to tell Eiji to leave, to be safe, to keep his distance from him ... but he just couldn't do it. Not while staring directly into his eyes radiating so much empathy and comfort. His mind went completely blank while drowning in his kind and warm eyes. His compassionate eyes were like a cure for his injured soul, the only ray of light in his cruel world of eternal darkness. He just couldn't give up the only person who made his life worth living. Maybe he could be selfish only once...?

Eiji saw him hesitating and smiled. "That's the answer I wanted to hear."


	7. A Rocky Road To A New Dawn (3)

**Even if the World Turns On You**

"Now that you finally don't want me to leave you anymore ...", Eiji began, finally approaching the topic he feared the most.

"I never told you that!", Ash interrupted him stubbornly, sitting up and glaring at him, his green eyes flashing wildly with annoyance.

Eiji glared right back at him but there was humor sparkling beneath the irritation in his brown eyes. "But you didn't tell me to leave either. You had the chance. You didn't take it. Now it's too late.", Eiji replied as stubbornly, a devilish grin spreading over his face. "Not answering is an answer in itself, you know?", he replied, resting one hand gently on Ash's shoulder. He just frowned up at him.

"Whatever...", Ash crossed his arms and turned his gaze away from him. But Eiji had still seen a glimmer of happiness in his green eyes. "You're hopeless.", Eiji told him, smiling anyway.

"So what I wanted to say before you so rudely interrupted me ... now that you don't want me to leave anymore...", Eiji repeated, stopping him with an annoyed glare from doing so again, "why don't we move on? To the topic we've both avoided until now ...", he explained, once more turning serious.

Ash saw him hesitating for a fraction of a second and the color of Eiji's eyes darkened to a chestnut brown while he sighed and said to him in a painful voice:

"You still haven't told me what happened after Sing gave you my letter..."

Yes, Eiji knew more or less what had happened when seeing the crime scene. But he wanted to hear it from Ash himself. He just had to know if his letter had really been the reason Ash had been too distracted to notice Lao attacking him. He had mixed feelings about that. He wanted to know the truth but was afraid to hear it at the same time.

After a moment of watching Eiji, Ash sighed in defeat and reluctantly nodded. "I guess after saving my life you deserve to know ... but you won't like it. You're sure ?", he finally asked.

Eiji hesitated for a second but nodded in confirmation. "I am sure."

"Ok, then ... .", Ash replied sadly, wondering where to begin.

"After Sing had left, I sat down at a bank next to the public library reading your letter. After reading it and finding the plane ticket, I decided on impulse to go to the airport after all and see you off myself. I couldn't fly with you to Japan but I at least wanted to tell you in person. Your plane ticket had shown me how serious you had been about inviting me to Japan. I hadn't realized that before. But I knew I had to tie up some loose ends here in NYC before I could leave.", Ash tried to explain honestly.

Eiji nodded, showing him that he understood his reasoning. "And that was when Lao attacked you, wasn't it?", Eiji asked, swallowing hard, his voice barely a whisper. As if whispering it would make it less real. As if whispering it would undo it. As if it would hurt less. If Ash hadn't been so close he wouldn't have heard him at all.

"Yeah...", Ash replied in a glum tone, his eyes downcast, "although it had been a surprise attack I never saw Lao coming. He totally caught me off guard because the only thing on my mind was reaching you in time...", he admitted, his green eyes downcast, flooding with regret. "I knew I didn't have much time left. So I started running, never paying any attention to my surroundings for once." Ash had a really miserable look on his face when he finally looked up again.

"I'm so sorry, Ash. That's all my fault." Eiji began sobbing, sitting on Ash's bed with a hand over his eyes, his head pulled back in a last attempt to stop the tears from flowing down his face. "Lao only got so close to you because my letter had distracted you, right? I realized that when I saw the crime scene.", Eiji explained, turning to look at Ash with pure sorrow dominating his features.

"Wait, Eiji, that's not what ...", Ash began, immediately trying to deny it. Protecting him from the truth. He knew Eiji would just blame himself otherwise.

Eiji stared directly at him, no longer trying to hide the tears running down his face, his eyes burning bright with an intensity Ash hadn't seen before. "Don't you dare lie to me, Ash! You told me I deserved to know what happened! So stop hiding things from me!" Ash looked at him, frustration clearly visible on Ash's face. He had still hoped that Eiji wouldn't have grasped the whole truth, especially his letter being the reason for his distraction. But noticing that he had already seen through it all, it was no use denying it any longer. He exhaled noticeably.

"All right, I was kind of distracted after reading your letter. But that was because I started running without paying attention to my surroundings. It wasn't your fault, but mine." But Eiji didn't hear him at all. His heart pounded as loud as gunshots in his chest, his pulse echoing deafeningly in his ears, so that he was oblivious to Ash's reassuring words.

Eiji wrapped his arms around himself, shivering. "This time you got hurt because of me" Panic shot through him again when flashbacks of the crime scene played in front of his eyes in slow motion: Ash's revolver lying in a pool of blood, a shot Lao, drops of blood on the ground, Lao's bloodstained knife ...

"Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do." He started trembling even worse, unable to stop the never-ending river of tears running down his face. Ash didn't know what to do. He was never good at reacting to outbursts of emotions but this time Eiji obviously didn't hear him anyway. And he actually flinched back when he tried to touch him, not noticing it was him at all. So Ash suddenly pulled back as if burnt, freezing up for a moment, not daring to touch him again.

Oblivious to Ash's touch and the hurt in his eyes from his unconscious rejection, Eiji exclaimed, getting even more agitated. "My letter was practically the reason you nearly died, Ash! I might as well have stabbed you myself!", Eiji concluded, utter despair flooding his eyes.

Ash was still hesitating. He had never learnt how to show emotions but instead only to hide them, to suppress them, to ignore them. In his dark life they had been useless and a hindrance. So he never learnt how to react to them either, how to comfort someone. What to say. How to respond. But he had to do something, to console Eiji somehow. So he tried again, faltering for a moment, then grabbing both of his forearms in his own, trying to get Eiji to look up at him. "Eiji, just look at me, ok? I'm still here thanks to you." Eiji still wouldn't meet his eyes, head lowered, his brown eyes swimming in guilt. "But still, I should never have written you that damn letter...", he sobbed while calming down little by little.

"I'm so s ..."

Ash interrupted him suddenly. His green eyes were glowing deep green with pure anger as he gripped both of Eiji's shoulders so tightly that Eiji finally looked up into his eyes in bewilderment. He actually flinched from the violent storm he saw raging in them.

"Eiji, just stop it! Now! Whatever you were going to say, don't!" Ash practically shouted, clearly agitated. When Eiji had a confused look on his face, he continued in a softer tone "It wasn't your fault but mine for not noticing my surroundings. Your letter meant so much for me. I've never had someone telling me he wanted to protect me." Hesitating for a second he tentatively put an arm around Eiji's shoulder, still braced for rejection. When Eiji didn't pull away, he said quietly "So calm down, ok?"

After a moment Ash continued "Your letter convinced me that maybe I really could have a second chance in life...", he explained. "You even told me that you'll never forget me even if you leave here... No one's ever told me something like that. So don't you ever regret writing it. Don't you dare!" His green eyes were flaring up with a sincerity completely new to Eiji, rendering him completely speechless.

"I meant each word.", Eiji finally replied, wiping tears from his eyes with his sleeve. "So, what happened then?", he finally asked.

"Actually Lao was more surprised than I was. He had never expected to really stab me. I used his surprise to shoot him in the chest. I knew I couldn't stay there for long because the police would arrest me at once. So I walked away.", Ash said matter-of-factly, as if telling Eiji today's weather forecast.

"Without looking for help?" Eiji asked incredulously. He still couldn't believe he had really done that. "I thought my letter gave you hope. So why would you still do that?"

"With that injury I'd have never made it to the airport, so I just ... accepted my fate? That was my punishment for all the sins I've committed. I deserved it after all the blood I've spilled. I've always known my life would never have a happy ending anyway. That I'd never get a peaceful life like you have. Believing that was beyond naive." Ash looked away from Eiji, facing the window because he couldn't bear to see the disappointment in Eiji's eyes.

Eiji wasn't disappointed. He was furious, leaning over to him and forcing Ash to look at him by turning his face in his direction again, his eyes glowing golden with anger.

"You know that's not true, Ash! I told you that you are not to blame for anything you did. That you deserve a normal life like mine. That I'll help you with that. That I'd do anything for you! What can I do to make you finally believe me?" Eiji was nearly shouting, frustrated that Ash still thought he didn't deserve happiness, even after all they had been through.

When seeing Eiji like this frustration rose up in Ash because Eiji still didn't understand why he had acted that way. Why didn't he get that without him in his life nothing mattered anymore? Without him only darkness was left ...

"But that's the point, Eiji! You couldn't help me. You weren't here anymore! You left!", Ash painfully shouted, failing to fight back his tears. Wiping his eyes he continued in a calmer tone. "At least that's what I thought ... at the time."

Eiji looked as if he'd been shot again, all color draining from his face at once.

"You were the only good thing in my life.", Ash admitted silently, closing his eyes for a moment and shoving blonde strands of hair out of his face. "With you gone my life would return to endless fighting again. I didn't want to go on like that. I was just so tired of leading such an empty and meaningless life again. So when I was stabbed I thought that my death would actually be more peaceful than my pathetic life. It would take away all my suffering and pain. At that time death was just the better option for me.", he concluded with a resigned look on his face.

Eiji was completely dumbfounded for a moment, his eyes drowning in regret.

Still, Ash was right. He had left him alone. He had abandoned him. Although he had promised him to stay by his side. Forever. He hadn't been any better than his brother, Blanca or his father. Even worse he had wasted so much time feeling sorry for himself. He had only returned after Sing had seen which state Ash was in and had convinced him to do something. He hadn't been there for him when he needed him the most. He really hated himself right now. He had always known Ash had suicidal tendencies at times. And about his self-destructive behavior. His self-loathing personality. Ash had never cared what happened to him after all. So as the person knowing Ash best he should have known Ash would do something drastic like that if he left him all alone. He had completely failed Ash. He was the one responsible for that outcome. But he couldn't break down now, he had to be the strong one now and show Ash he would never leave him again, ever. Until he really believed it.

"I understand what you're saying, Ash. And I'm really sorry for leaving you. But I'm here now! And I won't leave again. I'll be there for you no matter what you do. I promise.", Eiji repeated, compassion underlining his words.

Ash smiled sadly at him. "I want to believe your words, Eiji, really.", Ash said, his green eyes full of pain and sadness. "But I don't deserve to live a happy life after destroying so many lives myself."

"But dying will achieve nothing either. That would definitely be meaningless. Try to lead another life to make up for it instead. Live for all the people you've killed. Try to help save people instead of killing them. You're smart enough to do it.", he told him reassuringly. Ash still looked skeptical.

"But even if I try to make up for it, it's just too easy that a cold-blooded murderer and ruthless killer like me can have a happy ending.", he finished, his green eyes darkening again.

"You're neither a murderer nor a cold-blooded killer. Stop saying that about yourself!" Eiji exclaimed furiously, glaring at him."

Great, now he had upset Eiji again. But Eiji thought in too simple terms. He really envied his innocent view on the world sometimes. It made life so much easier, less painful. He'd have died a long time ago with such a naive way of thinking.

But still, he wanted to believe in Eiji's kind words, believe that it would be really alright to hope for a better future... leading a peaceful life like Eiji's ...

But his mind automatically doubted everything Eiji had just said, looking for an ulterior motive, a catch, afraid that the only person he trusted would also abandon him. Again. Like everyone before him. Maybe not now but eventually. He didn't even understand why Eiji had stayed by his side all this time. His damn superior mind was already planning five steps ahead, looking for any worst-case-scenarios that he had to anticipate. He just couldn't help it, he thought like that as if on autopilot. It was natural to him, the analytical mind of a trained soldier analyzing all possible tactics and outcomes and turn the tables in his favor. He glanced up suddenly when he heard Eiji speak again.

"You are a kind person with a pure soul who is just hurting and went through a lot. You were just defending yourself. You were a child for God's sake. You told me yourself that you just learned how to shoot because it was the only way to survive."

Eiji was clearly frustrated because his words apparently had never reached Ash's ears. He heard them but didn't listen to them. Didn't believe in them. He knew Ash was always questioning everything, casting a doubt even on his own words. He had to get through to him somehow. He wouldn't give up so easily, he thought stubbornly.

"There's nothing pure about my soul, Eiji. I committed too many evil deeds for that. Too many sins.", Ash told him with a resigned look on his face.

Eiji just smiled sadly and gently put a hand on Ash's shirt exactly were his heart was. "I know you can't see it yet but I can see your pure soul and your kind heart. And you will, too, sometime. Not now, but eventually.", he assured him confidently.

"Besides, only a good person would worry about hurting me. That thought would never even cross a bad person's mind.

Eiji's words were like a soothing lotion for his injured soul, spreading warmth and comfort throughout his body. But he just didn't know what to do. He didn't want to go on fighting endlessly like this... But would it really be ok if Eiji stayed by his side? Would he really be safe? He doubted it.

"Thank you for saying that. I mean it. But I have too many enemies that would constantly chase after me. Even if I 'm officially dead they'll find me eventually. I can never outrun my past. Be rational for once in your life, Eiji!, Ash replied sadly, tears slowly escaping from his eyes, making Eiji nearly flinch from the desperation he saw in them.

Eiji smiled warmly at him, taking his hand, reassuring him. "Ash, your enemies think you're dead. They won't be looking for you anymore. Max made sure of that. But I agree that staying in NYC would be dangerous. You're too well-known here, your picture was all over the news and the police would arrest you on sight. People here will eventually recognize you. You have to leave. The States I mean. Come to Japan with me. We'll be safe there. You still got my plane ticket, right? He asked winking at him.

"I have... But I can't do that to you, Eiji. I'll only bring you trouble. I've already hurt you enough. By dragging you into my dangerous world. Hell, Eiji, I even failed to protect you. I even nearly killed you! Ash knew that Eiji saw the guilt and shame overflowing in his eyes and lowered his head staring at his hands.

Eiji turned Ash's face upwards again and forced Ash to look at him.

"Stop that nonsense! Me getting hurt has never been your fault. Stop blaming yourself! Your enemies always hurt me, not you.", he said in an agitated voice, warm eyes staring directly into his.

But that's the same..., Ash began, but Eiji interrupted him in an exasperated tone. "No, it's not the same as you hurting me at all!" Ash just stared at him. In a warmer tone Eiji added calmly. "You tried to get me to leave but I stayed anyway. That was my decision. As was shielding you from that gunshot and pushing you out of harm's way. I make my own choices. And I have to live with the consequences. None of these events were your fault, ok?"

Ash stayed silent for once, unsure what to say to that.

"But you know what really hurt me the most? Do you?", Eiji asked him in an agonizing tone. "Because there was one time where you did hurt me. And that had nothing to do with your enemies. That was entirely you!" Ash's eyes widened in shock, his body freezing up completely. Eiji might as well have punched him from the pain overpowering his green eyes.

"It was seeing you bleeding out in that library. I was so scared that you'd die and that I had arrived too late so save you! Eiji's eyes were flashing golden with anger.

"I guess it was also my fault for leaving you. I get that. I really do. But have you ever thought about me when doing that? What I would be going through when learning you were dead? I thought I meant something to you. How would you feel if you learned I was dead?" Ash felt his chest tightening and panic rising up inside of him just imagining that. He started trembling at the mere thought, his hand clenching into fists.

"That fucking hurt. I still have nightmares about you bleeding out in that library, coming too late to save you!", Eiji continued in such a painful and sad voice that Ash couldn't help but stare at him, completely frozen up and stunned.

During all the time they had spent together he had never heard Eiji swearing like that. Hell, he had never heard him swearing at all. No matter how upset he was Eiji had never used swear words when talking to him. Or anyone else. That in itself conveyed more meaning than Eiji could ever express. And he had never seen Eiji getting so agitated, so furious, so sad before. And so worried. That was all his fault.

Apparently having been miles away, Ash was completely surprised to see an ocean of tears streaming down Eiji's face. Until that moment he really hadn't realized how much he had hurt Eiji with his final decision. The whole idea had never occurred to him that Eiji would suffer as well when he died. He had always thought that he needed Eiji much more. That Eiji gave him so much happiness, safety and comfort. But he had never expected Eiji to need him as well. He had never imagined he could comfort Eiji as well, give him something in return. That his death would even matter to anyone. That there were people actually caring about him he would leave behind. Like Eiji. Or maybe even Max?

Hesitating for a second he tentatively hugged Eiji, afraid he would pull back. Afraid to be rejected after this emotional revelation. When Eiji returned the hug at once, clinging to him like a life line, Ash relaxed instantly and tightened his arms around him. But be was wondering if he had imagined hearing Eiji wince faintly when moving.

He rested his head on Eiji's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I hurt you again. I really didn't expect that my death would be so hard on you. I thought without me you had time to heal and move on. That at least you could lead a normal life.", he tried to explain himself.

"Eiji gently pulled back from the hug and looked at Ash. "You're really dense for someone this smart. My whole world came crashing down on me when I saw you bleeding out. I'm so glad I've found you in time." Eiji said, still sobbing, hugging him again.

After a moment Ash suddenly pulled back from the hug, gripping Eiji's shoulders and watching him intently all of a sudden. "Eiji, what are you hiding from me? You're still in pain, aren't you?", he asked, worry overwhelming his features.

Eiji's face flushed with embarrassment. "What do you mean? No, I'm fine...", he said, automatically denying it, but he had hesitated for a second too long and Ash knew he didn't tell him the truth. "You're still a lousy liar!", he said, clearly irritated.

Since Eiji didn't reply at all, even avoiding his penetrating stare, Ash was gripping Eiji's hoody without warning, pulling it up until he could see the newly dressed bandage of his gunshot wound. Eiji gaped in surprise. Ash, what...?", trying to pull it down again, his cheeks flushing bright red.

"You opened it up again, didn't you? While saving me." Ash's eyes bored into his, flooded with regret and guilt. He let go at last. "And you're still in pain. I can see it. Your emotions are always visible on your face, clear as day.", Ash said in a scolding tone.

Eiji hesitated, one moment considering denying it. However, trying to fool Ash was useless. He was way too smart to fall for that. So he reluctantly told him the truth.

"Damn, Eiji, how could you do something that reckless?", Ash scolded him, frowning up at him.

"You're one to talk. I wasn't the one nearly dying from blood loss.", Eiji defended himself. "And honestly I was so focused on saving your damn life that I didn't notice my own wound had reopened until we reached the hospital...", Eiji admitted quietly.

"But...Max said you collapsed and were unconscious as well. How ...? Why would you go that far? For me of all people?", Ash asked, looking straight at him.

"I don't want to hear that from you! I wasn't the one close to dying.", Eiji insisted stubbornly, glaring at him.

"But...you weren't far off, Eiji...", Ash answered sadly.

"Ash, you flatlined! You were dead for some minutes, goddamn!", Eiji called out angrily. Sing and I saved you at the very last minute! That was really cutting it close. So I had no time to think about my own injury, ok? Eiji's agitated voice was drowning in sorrow. "You of all people don't have the damn right to tell me to stop being reckless. What should I have done instead, letting you die?!", he exclaimed furiously.

Ash looked hopelessly at Eiji. "I guess... you're right.", he admitted reluctantly. "I just don't understand why you still stay with me when I obviously hurt you and upset you so much. I've never seen you so furious. And sad... And knowing I'm the reason..."

"For someone with a superior intelligence like yours you're really dumb. Do you really think I'd stayed by your side this long despite all the danger if I hadn't needed you as well? That I would have protected you and shielded you from that gunshot?", giving him an exasperated look. " And I'm only this upset because I worry. About you. All the time. And I worry because I care for you. A lot. And because you gave my life a new meaning as well. Especially since I became all depressed after my pole vaulting career was over.", he finished.

"What could I possibly give you? I'm just a broken mess with a lot of emotional baggage I can't seem to get away from.", Ash asked honestly.

Eiji could see it in his eyes that he really didn't understand that he could comfort Eiji as well. He had already shown him that, told him that, tried to explain it to him. But he hadn't understood it yet.He still was convinced that he wasn't a good enough person to be worthy of trust, friendship or love. And to make him understand that would take time. Much more time than he had now. But he tried anyway.

"That's not true. When my pole vaulting career was over I was really depressed. I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. I had lost the most important thing in my life. I had given up completely.", Eiji admitted reluctantly. He had never spoken about that to anyone. Except for Ibe. "But your sheer willpower and your endless fighting spirit and courage taught me not to give up so easily. You never gave up fighting no matter how desperate the situation was. I really admired that in you. You gave me the hope and endurance to carry on. I learned that from you. And you protected me and made me feel safe in a world full of danger.", Eiji said convincingly, honesty clearly visible on his features.

"You really mean that, huh? I really had no clue that I helped you as well... ", he admitted slowly, his eyes sparkling faintly with happiness.

"But you did.", Eiji confirmed. "So I don't want to be separated from you again. I want to spend my life with you. If I return to Japan alone I may be safe but my life would be meaningless, incomplete without you. I need you as much as you need me." he tried to explain so Ash would finally understand. Ash just stared at him in complete disbelief. Eiji couldn't help but laugh when seeing his shocked face.

"Ash, please come to Japan with me. You won't need a gun there and can lead a peaceful life there. Without worrying for enemies lurking at every corner. You can be free, reborn, have a second chance. Both of us. Together.", Eiji tried to convince him.

"Are you fucking serious? I can't go with you!" Ash exclaimed, completely astonished.

"Why not, Ash? You're officially dead and you have a new passport and identity and everything else you need for a fresh start.", Eiji assured him. "And you can't stay here. You know that.", Eiji told him, trying to convince him again. He wouldn't give up that easily.

"But... ", Ash's voice faltered a bit. "Is that really ok? After all that happened... You're sure you still want me to stay with you?", he asked uncertainly, a slight tremble in his voice.

Eiji stared directly into his eyes swimming in doubt. "I'm sure. It will be alright. You will be safe in Japan. No one will hurt you there. And you're not alone, Ash. I'll help you, ok?" Eiji's warm eyes ignited with a confidence that made Ash somehow relax. Maybe it would really be fine? As puzzling as that was for him Eiji apparently wanted to stay with him. Maybe he could have a second chance? Did he really deserve that?, Ash kept wondering.

Eiji still saw the doubt in his eyes. "You deserve a new life, Ash. This is your once-in-a-lifetime chance of grasping it. It's ok to wish for a happier life. It's not selfish. No one deserves a happier life more than you do. And if I make you happy you deserve me as well. Listen to me for once, ok?", Eiji smiled at him, his eyes radiating comfort and kindness.

When Ash didn't say anything, Eiji looked at him, a deep frown on his face." Don't be so stubborn and just admit to yourself that you wish for a new life far away from all this violence, too.", he told him, slowly losing his patience. But Ash was confused, unsure what to do. He didn't want to put Eiji in danger. But he didn't want to stay here either.

Eiji smiled wickedly to himself. He knew he had one last trump card up his sleeve he could still play. Honestly he didn't want to go that far. But if it was the only chance to get Ash to agree he would play it. It was a dirty trick and slightly illegal ...

Sorry, Ash... You don't leave me a choice here...

"I'm not leaving you alone again. I told you that already. If you stay here, I'll stay, too. You're not the only one who can be stubborn as hell.", Eiji crossed his arms, a devilish smirk spreading across his face.

"But, that's ... You can't ...", Ash shouted in a worried tone, his eyes widening in pure horror.

"Watch me!", Eiji replied, a wide grin on his face. "It's your choice. But wherever you are I will follow. No matter what you say. So if you don't want to put me in any more danger you'll have no choice but to follow me to Japan." Eiji actually had the audacity to have a vicious grin on his face, obviously enjoying himself immensely.

"That's blackmail.", Ash said, crossing his arms. And emotional kidnapping, more or less." When did you switch over to the dark side?", Ash asked, pouting, but the brightness was slowly returning to his jade green eyes.

"When I got to know a rude blonde gang leader. He taught me not to give up easily.", Eiji was grinning. "You left me no other option as stubborn as you are.", Eiji complained, still smiling.

Ash sighed dramatically. "Alright, I give in. Congratulations, you're the first person succeeding in blackmailing me. And surviving.", Ash said mockingly, a half-smile on his face.

Eiji beamed at him, eyes shining with pure happiness. "You really mean it, Ash?"

"Yeah", you finally wore me down...", he confirmed, exhaustion on his face. Shoving some blonde strands out of his eyes and letting his hand rest on his forehead, he continued reluctantly "I surrender. Fighting you is too tiring. As is pushing you away. I have a feeling you'll never give up. I never saw such a determined look in your eyes before. So here you go. You got yourself a rude blonde gang leader complicating the rest of your damn life. You're sure you won't regret that? Not now, but eventually?", Ash asked, a hint of uncertainty still in his green eyes.

Eji stared straight into Ash's eyes while his brown eyes burnt golden with compassion and unconditional trust.

"Never! I'd never ever regret that!", his features burning with a self-confidence Ash had never seen before.

"I promised you to stay by your side. Forever!"

He assured him, beaming at him with a smile radiating pure happiness and the most joyful expression he had ever seen on Eiji's face. Seeing Eiji's happiness, warmth and unbreakable resolve, all of his doubts slowly shattered into tiny little pieces.

Ash looked up at him, relaxing slowly, while the first real smile was lighting up his jade green eyes, making them shine like emeralds.

"Forever, huh?"


	8. Time

_Never thought I'd come back here._

Standing in front of the hospital's entrance, he could still hear the siren ringing in his ears. Still see the red lights dancing in front of his vision. Still see Ash's pale face lying on Eiji's letter in the public library, his blood and tears mixing in with Eiji's clumsy handwriting. That last image still haunted him, engraved in his memory forever.

After seeing that Ash had been taken care of at that private hospital, Sing hadn't visited again because he didn't want to give away Ash's location to anyone. He had stayed in contact with Eiji, though. That had been more than two months ago. Or maybe longer, he wasn't sure. But even after all that time Sing still couldn't believe that idiot had really done that.

_He'll only be killed if he brings it on himself._

This sentence that Cain had said about Ash when they had been sharing a prison cell had never rung truer. But even after seeing Ash's desperation when giving him Eiji's letter, Sing had never expected Ash to do exactly that. Maybe it was because he had looked up to him a bit too much and that had clouded his mind, but he had never imagined that Ash would just give up so easily. Resigning to his fate. Returning calmly to his favorite place without getting help. He had never thought that Ash would go so far and indirectly kill himself. But then again, he had never envisioned Lao trying to stab Ash either, just because of a duel they both hadn't even been serious about...

Anyway, he didn't particularly look forward to returning here, since he wasn't a big fan of hospitals to, begin with. But he didn't have a choice since this was the only secure place where he could say goodbye to both of them.

Eiji had asked him to come by in the afternoon, so here he was. He had asked Eiji if he was sure that was such a good idea, knowing that Ash would disapprove of the idea, worrying someone else could find out their whereabouts. But Eiji had defiantly told him that he didn't care if it was risky and that he wanted to tell Sing goodbye in person. That it would be more than rude to do that over the phone or in some even more impersonal way after all he had done for them. According to Eiji Ash wanted to thank him as well (although it was more likely Eiji had convinced him to do so). And Ash wouldn't stay at the hospital anyway because he would get discharged soon.

Sing could hear the determination resonating in Eiji's voice and realized that he wouldn't change his mind no matter what he said or did. But honestly, he was glad he had gotten the chance to see Eiji and Ash one final time before they would be leaving. Japan wasn't exactly around the corner.

In the meantime, he had been busy dealing with that disaster of a human being called Yut Lung. He had kind of emotionally blackmailed him to ask Blanca if there would be a way to get flawless documents for Ash, such as a passport and an ID card with a new name. Yut Lung got furious at first, eyes burning bright with anger, and refused to do anything for him. Sing had anticipated that stubborn reaction from him, though. He was a pain in the ass sometimes and hard to handle. But he had a soft spot for Sing. And Sing had used that to his advantage. He wouldn't let him off that easily. Not after allying himself with Dino and turning his own Chinese brothers into traitors. He would never forgive him for that, ever!

"Why would I ever do that?", Yut Lung asked, crossing his arms in defiance. "You know I despise both of them." Sing just sighed dramatically, giving him a pitiful look. When he was standing stubbornly like that with crossed arms, Sing was reminded that those two were totally alike. Yut Lung shared the same dark past with Ash and even the same stubborn personality and good looks. And both of them would rather die before admitting how much they had in common. It was so ironic, Sing nearly had to smile.

"It's not Ash's fault that he found someone who makes him happy. That Eiji made him open up and made him wish for a better life. That Ash found what you never could. That he chose to love instead of hate. You're just jealous. But turning my own gang into traitors to kill Ash and Eiji is pretty low even for your standards.", Sing accused him, glaring at him, his eyes glowing furiously.

"Shut up. What the hell do you know?", Yut Lung exclaimed angrily, clenching his hands into fists.

"I may not know everything about you, but I know that like Ash you can't forget your past and have lost your purpose in life after your abusers died. You both needed someone to hate to be able to survive.", he remarked bluntly while Yut Lung just stared at him wide-eyed for a moment, then stubbornly looked away. Sing smiled. Bull's eye. "And I know that I can't hate you. I don't know why exactly, but I can't get myself to hate you.", Sing admitted sadly, looking down at the floor. After a moment, he raised his head and glared at him, determination flooding his features.

"So you'll help me to make things right again. As a form as repayment for your vicious actions you will help me get rid of the chaotic situation in Chinatown. And you'll call Blanca and get Ash new documents with a new name. Flawless ones. Or you organize them yourself, I don't care how you do it. You owe those two that much. Ash and Eiji nearly dying is entirely your fault and you did it for an embarrassingly petty reason no less. If you don't, you'll lose the only friend you have left in this world. Me. Because I will never see you or talk to you again. Just try me.", Sing challenged him, a defiant expression running over his face.

Yut Lung just stared at him incredulously, a single tear running down his face, his tough facade finally cracking and shattering into countless little pieces.

Sing just told him to stop being such a crybaby and call Blanca. Then he walked away, knowing perfectly well that Yut Lung would do it. He always acted tough but Sing knew only too well that his words would leave an impression on him.

Several days later Sing had called Max and handed him the documents. He had also told Max that Blanca had gotten these documents through one of his old contacts and had already gone back to the Caribbean. That this was his farewell gift for Ash. And he had promised him that Yut Lung wasn't any threat to Ash anymore. Max had thanked him for his help and had handed the documents to Ash a few days later. Eiji had contacted him as well to thank him because he experienced Yut Lung's hatred towards him first hand and had been completely stunned that he of all people had lent a helping hand in getting these documents. Of course, he had been suspicious but when he had learned from Sing that those documents were originally from Blanca and Yut Lung had just reached out to him, he had relaxed slightly. Thanking him in person for Ash's new documents was probably another reason why Eiji had asked Sing to visit them today, several weeks later.

So here he was on his way to Ash's room. Eiji had told him the room number and that he would have to organize some things for their departure with Max and Ibe, so he might not be on time.

When Sing entered, Ash had just stopped reading a book, some classic novel Sing didn't know, suddenly tensing up, his eyes burning dangerously in the room's dim lighting. But seeing that it was Sing, he relaxed slightly. Looking at him more closely after such a long time, Sing was astonished how much Ash had changed. He looked more at ease and even though he had tensed up when hearing him, his posture showed that he wasn't as edgy and nervous as he used to be, seeing enemies at every corner. Still, his jade green eyes had the same intensity as always that could silence an entire room in the fraction of a second.

"Hey, Ash. You look much better now.", Sing greeted him, the slightest trace of hesitation in his voice. He had secretly hoped Eiji would already be here, but apparently, he was still talking to Max and Ibe. Shit. What the hell was he supposed to say? He couldn't remember when he had talked to Ash more than three sentences. And they had mostly been related to business and gang stuff, never personal. The most personal interaction between them had been when he had given him Eiji's letter asking him why he wouldn't see Eiji off and Ash telling him he couldn't see him off because Eiji was his friend and that he didn't belong in his world. He would never forget the desperate and resigned expression on Ash's face that day, his green eyes flooded with unbearable sorrow, practically screaming in agony. He had never seen Ash so vulnerable, so ... he didn't know how to describe it... so emotional? That wasn't the most feared gang leader of New York he knew but a confused and hurt teenager who had lost the only person that had meant something to him in this world. And, if memory served, that conversation hadn't ended so well since he had run off, calling him a stubborn idiot.

So after that last failed conversation, he had no idea what he was supposed to say to break the ice. Ash wasn't a person for small talk, so, unfortunately, that wouldn't work either. So, leaning against the door frame, he just waited for Ash's reaction, hands in his hoody's pockets, wondering when Eiji would come back to save him from this awkward situation. Shit. Here goes nothing.

"What the hell are you doing here, Sing?", Ash asked bluntly, glaring at him. So much for a greeting. Typical Ash. But his look was softer than before, for the first time there was a light flickering in his eyes, making his eyes glow bright green. His glare was milder as well and there was a hint of humor in his eyes. The empty look and the darkness normally overshadowing his eyes had nearly faded into oblivion, leaving only a tiny trace lingering behind. Sing was so dumbfounded at the change that his mind went blank for a minute, but he recovered quickly.

"What do you mean? Eiji asked me to come here. He said you both wanted to see me before you would leave for Japan.", Sing responded confusedly, wondering why Ash didn't know that.

"Oh, right. Eiji has told me something like that.", Ash said more to himself. Then he directed his gaze at Sing again.

"Goddammit, Sing, don't just stand there, come over here. And close the fucking door.", Ash said in an impatient tone. "What are you waiting for, a written invitation?"

Yes, that's the Ash I know... Sing thought, smiling inwardly, relaxing a little. "That's the rude Ash Lynx I know and can... barely tolerate. The same stubborn idiot as always. I was worried for a moment, you know?", he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Ash just crossed his arms, a smug look on his face.

Sing slowly went over and sat in the chair at his bed, wondering why Ash hadn't told him to leave, that he would only put Eiji in danger if anyone learned of this location and that he should have never come here. That was the reaction he had anticipated from him. But then he realized that had he really wanted to tell him that, he would have already done so. Ash always got straight to the point ignoring all kind of small talk or politeness along the way. He was also sure that Eiji had initiated his visit, telling Ash that thanking Sing over the phone was just plain rude after everything he had done for them. He had told him the exact same thing after all.

So instead of doing that, Ash looked at him with this penetrating stare he had sometimes, his green eyes boring directly into his. Sing nearly flinched from that gaze. But then the look in his eyes changed to a softer one and he sighed dramatically, running a hand through his hair. Wait, could it be that he was also nervous? That he didn't know what to say either? No, that was impossible..., right? He was Ash Lynx after all...

"I heard that you convinced Eiji to go back to Manhattan. To come back for me. And that you saved my life. Thank you, really, Sing. I owe you. Without your help I wouldn't even be here...", Ash said, a half-smile appearing on his features.

"No, you don't.", Sing replied honestly.

Ash just stared at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Sorry, I meant you don't owe me anything. We're even now. Or have you forgotten how you saved my life during our last mission against Foxx?", Sing reminded him.

"Oh, you're right. I had kind of forgotten that after all that shit going down at the time. Seems like a lifetime ago, huh? Thanks anyway. For saving me. And helping Eiji as well. I couldn't believe it when I heard Eiji was still here." Then his evil grin returned. "Although at the beginning I wanted to kill you for making Eiji return to Manhattan in his injured state." Sing flinched a bit at that. "Yeah, I knew you'd be mad about that later. But I just had a bad feeling about you. So did Eiji. He just needed a little push and a little... assistance. Being in a wheel chair and all... His eyes were drowning in the same sorrow as yours ,so you both really left me no choice here..." Ash just stared at him, a frown appearing on his forehead, but remained silent. Sing wondered if he had imagined the spark of guilt overshadowing his eyes for the tiniest moment.

"Hey, it's not my fault that I have only stubborn idiots as friends. Someone had to do something, you know?", he defended himself. "Since both of you were too busy feeling sorry for yourselves.!"

"But why did you care so much in the first place?", Ash asked curiously.

"How can you even ask that?", Sing exclaimed in amazement. "You didn't see your face when I gave you Eiji's letter. I've never seen you so ...

Pathetic?, Ash finished with a smirk.

"I was going to say desperate. As if you had completely given up and nothing mattered to you anymore. I couldn't forget that look on your face... It had burnt itself into my memory. And unlike you I have no pokerface. You know that better than anyone. Of course Eiji saw right through me and asked me what was wrong. So I told him." Ash just nodded, understanding flashing in his eyes.

"However, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that it was Lao who stabbed you. I'm entirely to blame for that. I'm so sorry! I knew Lao wasn't satisfied how I handled things and that I sided with you. And about our duel. But I'd never imagined that he'd outright attack you.", he tried to apologize, his features drowning in regret.

"I'm really sorry, Ash. If I had been a better gang leader that wouldn't have happened.", he concluded, looking down, a hand resting over his eyes to cover up his tears.

"Still a crybaby, I see.", Ash scolded him, half-smiling. "But honestly, it's ok. It was my fault as well since I agreed to the duel. And I let my guard down after reading Eiji's letter. Let's just forget all that shit, ok? And you did save my life in the end.", Ash reminded him.

"I still can't believe you really did that. Bleeding out and not calling for help. You're a complete idiot, you know that, right?", Sing told him angrily. "I'd really like to punch you for doing that." Ash just sighed and then looked at him. His eyes were overpowered by regret and sadness.

"Yeah, I finally got that message loud and clear when Eiji yelled at me a few days ago. I've never seen him so mad. And hurt. Guess I've never realized that my death would hurt him so much.", he admitted, guilt darkening his green eyes for a moment. "Of course, I thought that he'd leave me after that stunt I pulled. That he just stayed until I had recovered. But instead Eiji told me he'd never leave me again and asked me to come to Japan with him." The look in his eyes had softened considerably when mentioning that last part, making his eyes light up with a slight touch of happiness.

Sing just shook his head in disbelief at Ash's cluelessness. He had to be the only one who hadn't still figured out how much Eiji would do for him. How much he meant to him. But it seemed that Ash had at least understood by now that Eiji won't leave him again. And he didn't try to push him away anymore. That was a start, he thought, feeling relieved.

"And you really agreed? To go to Japan with him?", Sing asked, surprise written all over his face. "Doesn't sound like you..."

"Eiji left me no choice. He told me that if I don't go to Japan with him, he'll stay in New York with me!", Ash exclaimed, resignation crossing his face.

"Yeah, that sounds like Eiji all right.", Sing agreed with a smirk on his face. "He'd really be that stupid and would stay here with you despite all the danger.", he agreed, smiling at Ash.

"I'm glad you agreed to go with him. You'll be both fine as long as you're together.", Sing assured him. Ash stared at him wide-eyed, utterly shocked, as if that was the last thing he expected Sing to say.

"Hey, I didn't go through all the trouble of saving you and giving you new documents so you would stay here and get yourself killed in the process!", he scolded him.

"I guess not...", Ash agreed reluctantly.

Then Ash's eyes suddenly shifted to the door, but instead of tensing up, as Sing had expected, he relaxed completely, smiling at the person opening the door. Sing had never seen Ash smile like that. Ever. No smirk, no sarcastic sneer, no smug look, but instead a small, but honest smile that even reached his eyes, making them shine with happiness. Sing couldn't help but stare at him and Eiji wide-eyed, completely dumbfounded at this new side of Ash he hadn't seen yet.

"Hey Sing, good to see you. Seems as if you're still alive", Eiji greeted him, a small grin on his face while entering the room, oblivious to Sing's reaction.

"When Ash woke up and I told him what had happened, he told me he'd kill you."

Sing turned around to face Ash again, staring at him incredulously. "That's the first thing you told Eiji when you were waking up? Really?" Ungrateful bastard... Sing mumbled barely audible at the end.

"Hey, I was on fucking painkillers. And to be precise I told Eiji I'd kill you after thanking you for saving my life.", Ash defended himself. "And I've just done that, so I guess if you insist I can get to the killing part now. This location would be perfect. They even have a morgue here. And a doctor who fakes death certificates...", Ash explained rationally, but he was only teasing Sing. Who just scowled at him and crossed his arms stubbornly before turning around to Eiji.

"Eiji, please remind me again why we bothered saving that idiot? Or worrying about him?

My memory seems to have suddenly failed me.", Sing said, feigning irritation.

Eiji just grinned. "I know the feeling, believe me. He can be a handful and an annoying smartass sometimes. But at the end of the day he's normally worth it."

"Can you please talk about me as if I'm in the room with you?", he complained to them, crossing his arms again, but his annoyance didn't reach his eyes. Instead Sing noticed that Ash's features had softened and his eyes were radiating a warmth that hadn't been there before. He was also more at ease now and even more talkative since Eiji had come in.

Sing just grinned at him and changed the topic to something else he had been curious about.

"So when are you getting discharged, Ash?"

"Tomorrow.", Ash said. "Finally. I can't stand hospitals. Took me forever to convince the doc to let me leave earlier. But I guess I'm lucky to be here at all, so I'm not complaining.", he admitted honestly.

"And your flight?"

"It's in three days. We stay at a hotel near the airport in the meantime.", Eiji explained to him.

"Don't you dare visit us there. Or at the airport. You only lead people to us and blow our cover.", Ash said stubbornly, green eyes burning dangerously in the dim lighting of the room. Eiji just stared at him, wide-eyed. "Ash!"Ash just shrugged, avoiding his gaze.

"He meant that as a question. With a "please" at the end.", he translated Ash's rude outburst while still making a half-hearted attempt to glare at him accusingly. And gloriously failing. Sing had to chuckle at those two. But after a moment, Eiji got serious again, facing him once more.

"And please don't tell anyone that Ash is still alive. Except for Alex and Cain maybe. But no one else.", Eiji added, worry reflected in his brown eyes.

"Don't worry. I know all of that. And I won't jeopardize your departure. And Yut Lung won't do anything either. He isn't interested in you anymore. He was only jealous of Eiji. And interested in you, Ash, as a rival.", Sing assured both of them. "I will tell Alex and Cain after you've safely boarded the plane.", he promised.

"I'm really sad that you're leaving, but I really hope you have a better life on the other side of the world. That you both can be happy.", Sing added, smiling at them reassuringly.

"Thanks, Sing. We will be.", Eiji said, radiating complete confidence. "I'll make sure of that."

"Well, as far as I'm concerned it can only get better. I only hope that my enemies really believe I'm dead and won't start looking for me again...", Ash said more to himself than to anyone else, staring holes in the opposite wall, his eyes darkening with worry.

"Stop overthinking things, Ash, and look forward to your new life. Sometimes good things just happen. Without a deeper meaning behind it. Just accept it.", Sing replied encouragingly.

Ash looked sadly at him. "I'm trying. But it's not that easy for me."

"It's gonna be ok. You'll see.", Eiji promised him.

"I wish you a safe trip to Japan. Make sure you enjoy your new life, Ash. And don't forget that you still have friends in NYC as well. And that cell phones work in Japan as well.", Sing said, smirking at him, knowing fairly well that Ash would never be the one to call him.

"Good bye, Sing. And thanks for everything. For the documents as well. I mean it.", Ash said, smiling at him. "Tell Alex to take care of my guys. Or I'll come back and punch him so hard that he doesn't need an airplane to visit Japan.", Ash grinned viciously.

"Alex will just say That Never thought I'd come back here.

Standing in front of the hospital's entrance, he could still hear the siren ringing in his ears. Still see the red lights dancing in front of his vision. Still see Ash's pale face lying on Eiji's letter in the public library, his blood and tears mixing in with Eiji's clumsy handwriting. That last image still haunted him, engraved in his memory forever.

After seeing that Ash had been taken care of at that private hospital, Sing hadn't visited again because he didn't want to give away Ash's location to anyone. He had stayed in contact with Eiji, though. That had been more than two months ago. Or maybe longer, he wasn't sure. But even after all that time Sing still couldn't believe that idiot had really done that.

He'll only be killed if he brings it on himself.

This sentence that Cain had said about Ash when they had been sharing a prison cell had never rung truer. But even after seeing Ash's desperation when giving him Eiji's letter, Sing had never expected Ash to do exactly that. Maybe it was because he had looked up to him a bit too much and that had clouded his mind, but he had never imagined that Ash would just give up so easily. Resigning to his fate. Returning calmly to his favorite place without getting help. He had never thought that Ash would go so far and indirectly kill himself. But then again, he had never envisioned Lao trying to stab Ash either, just because of a duel they both hadn't even been serious about...

Anyway, he didn't particularly look forward to returning here, since he wasn't a big fan of hospitals to, begin with. But he didn't have a choice since this was the only secure place where he could say goodbye to both of them.

Eiji had asked him to come by in the afternoon, so here he was. He had asked Eiji if he was sure that was such a good idea, knowing that Ash would disapprove of the idea, worrying someone else could find out their whereabouts. But Eiji had defiantly told him that he didn't care if it was risky and that he wanted to tell Sing goodbye in person. That it would be more than rude to do that over the phone or in some even more impersonal way after all he had done for them. According to Eiji Ash wanted to thank him as well (although it was more likely Eiji had convinced him to do so). And Ash wouldn't stay at the hospital anyway because he would get discharged soon.

Sing could hear the determination resonating in Eiji's voice and realized that he wouldn't change his mind no matter what he said or did. But honestly, he was glad he had gotten the chance to see Eiji and Ash one final time before they would be leaving. Japan wasn't exactly around the corner.

In the meantime, he had been busy dealing with that disaster of a human being called Yut Lung. He had kind of emotionally blackmailed him to ask Blanca if there would be a way to get flawless documents for Ash, such as a passport and an ID card with a new name. Yut Lung got furious at first, eyes burning bright with anger, and refused to do anything for him. Sing had anticipated that stubborn reaction from him, though. He was a pain in the ass sometimes and hard to handle. But he had a soft spot for Sing. And Sing had used that to his advantage. He wouldn't let him off that easily. Not after allying himself with Dino and turning his own Chinese brothers into traitors. He would never forgive him for that, ever!

"Why would I ever do that?", Yut Lung asked, crossing his arms in defiance. "You know I despise both of them." Sing just sighed dramatically, giving him a pitiful look. When he was standing stubbornly like that with crossed arms, Sing was reminded that those two were totally alike. Yut Lung shared the same dark past with Ash and even the same stubborn personality and good looks. And both of them would rather die before admitting how much they had in common. It was so ironic, Sing nearly had to smile.

"It's not Ash's fault that he found someone who makes him happy. That Eiji made him open up and made him wish for a better life. That Ash found what you never could. That he chose to love instead of hate. You're just jealous. But turning my own gang into traitors to kill Ash and Eiji is pretty low even for your standards.", Sing accused him, glaring at him, his eyes glowing furiously.

"Shut up. What the hell do you know?", Yut Lung exclaimed angrily, clenching his hands into fists.

"I may not know everything about you, but I know that like Ash you can't forget your past and have lost your purpose in life after your abusers died. You both needed someone to hate to be able to survive.", he remarked bluntly while Yut Lung just stared at him wide-eyed for a moment, then stubbornly looked away. Sing smiled. Bull's eye. "And I know that I can't hate you. I don't know why exactly, but I can't get myself to hate you.", Sing admitted sadly, looking down at the floor. After a moment, he raised his head and glared at him, determination flooding his features.

"So you'll help me to make things right again. As a form as repayment for your vicious actions you will help me get rid of the chaotic situation in Chinatown. And you'll call Blanca and get Ash new documents with a new name. Flawless ones. Or you organize them yourself, I don't care how you do it. You owe those two that much. Ash and Eiji nearly dying is entirely your fault and you did it for an embarrassingly petty reason no less. If you don't, you'll lose the only friend you have left in this world. Me. Because I will never see you or talk to you again. Just try me.", Sing challenged him, a defiant expression running over his face.

Yut Lung just stared at him incredulously, a single tear running down his face, his tough facade finally cracking and shattering into countless little pieces.

Sing just told him to stop being such a crybaby and call Blanca. Then he walked away, knowing perfectly well that Yut Lung would do it. He always acted tough but Sing knew only too well that his words would leave an impression on him.

Several days later Sing had called Max and handed him the documents. He had also told Max that Blanca had gotten these documents through one of his old contacts and had already gone back to the Caribbean. That this was his farewell gift for Ash. And he had promised him that Yut Lung wasn't any threat to Ash anymore. Max had thanked him for his help and had handed the documents to Ash a few days later. Eiji had contacted him as well to thank him because he experienced Yut Lung's hatred towards him first hand and had been completely stunned that he of all people had lent a helping hand in getting these documents. Of course, he had been suspicious but when he had learned from Sing that those documents were originally from Blanca and Yut Lung had just reached out to him, he had relaxed slightly. Thanking him in person for Ash's new documents was probably another reason why Eiji had asked Sing to visit them today, several weeks later.

So here he was on his way to Ash's room. Eiji had told him the room number and that he would have to organize some things for their departure with Max and Ibe, so he might not be on time.

When Sing entered, Ash had just stopped reading a book, some classic novel Sing didn't know, suddenly tensing up, his eyes burning dangerously in the room's dim lighting. But seeing that it was Sing, he relaxed slightly. Looking at him more closely after such a long time, Sing was astonished how much Ash had changed. He looked more at ease and even though he had tensed up when hearing him, his posture showed that he wasn't as edgy and nervous as he used to be, seeing enemies at every corner. Still, his jade green eyes had the same intensity as always that could silence an entire room in the fraction of a second.

"Hey, Ash. You look much better now.", Sing greeted him, the slightest trace of hesitation in his voice. He had secretly hoped Eiji would already be here, but apparently, he was still talking to Max and Ibe. Shit. What the hell was he supposed to say? He couldn't remember when he had talked to Ash more than three sentences. And they had mostly been related to business and gang stuff, never personal. The most personal interaction between them had been when he had given him Eiji's letter asking him why he wouldn't see Eiji off and Ash telling him he couldn't see him off because Eiji was his friend and that he didn't belong in his world. He would never forget the desperate and resigned expression on Ash's face that day, his green eyes flooded with unbearable sorrow, practically screaming in agony. He had never seen Ash so vulnerable, so ... he didn't know how to describe it... so emotional? That wasn't the most feared gang leader of New York he knew but a confused and hurt teenager who had lost the only person that had meant something to him in this world. And, if memory served, that conversation hadn't ended so well since he had run off, calling him a stubborn idiot.

So after that last failed conversation, he had no idea what he was supposed to say to break the ice. Ash wasn't a person for small talk, so, unfortunately, that wouldn't work either. So, leaning against the door frame, he just waited for Ash's reaction, hands in his hoody's pockets, wondering when Eiji would come back to save him from this awkward situation. Shit. Here goes nothing.

"What the hell are you doing here, Sing?", Ash asked bluntly, glaring at him. So much for a greeting. Typical Ash. But his look was softer than before, for the first time there was a light flickering in his eyes, making his eyes glow bright green. His glare was milder as well and there was a hint of humor in his eyes. The empty look and the darkness normally overshadowing his eyes had nearly faded into oblivion, leaving only a tiny trace lingering behind. Sing was so dumbfounded at the change that his mind went blank for a minute, but he recovered quickly.

"What do you mean? Eiji asked me to come here. He said you both wanted to see me before you would leave for Japan.", Sing responded confusedly, wondering why Ash didn't know that.

"Oh, right. Eiji has told me something like that.", Ash said more to himself. Then he directed his gaze at Sing again.

"Goddammit, Sing, don't just stand there, come over here. And close the fucking door.", Ash said in an impatient tone. "What are you waiting for, a written invitation?"

Yes, that's the Ash I know... Sing thought, smiling inwardly, relaxing a little. "That's the rude Ash Lynx I know and can... barely tolerate. The same stubborn idiot as always. I was worried for a moment, you know?", he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Ash just crossed his arms, a smug look on his face.

Sing slowly went over and sat in the chair at his bed, wondering why Ash hadn't told him to leave, that he would only put Eiji in danger if anyone learned of this location and that he should have never come here. That was the reaction he had anticipated from him. But then he realized that had he really wanted to tell him that, he would have already done so. Ash always got straight to the point ignoring all kind of small talk or politeness along the way. He was also sure that Eiji had initiated his visit, telling Ash that thanking Sing over the phone was just plain rude after everything he had done for them. He had told him the exact same thing after all.

So instead of doing that, Ash looked at him with this penetrating stare he had sometimes, his green eyes boring directly into his. Sing nearly flinched from that gaze. But then the look in his eyes changed to a softer one and he sighed dramatically, running a hand through his hair. Wait, could it be that he was also nervous? That he didn't know what to say either? No, that was impossible..., right? He was Ash Lynx after all...

"I heard that you convinced Eiji to go back to Manhattan. To come back for me. And that you saved my life. Thank you, really, Sing. I owe you. Without your help I wouldn't even be here...", Ash said, a half-smile appearing on his features.

"No, you don't.", Sing replied honestly.

Ash just stared at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Sorry, I meant you don't owe me anything. We're even now. Or have you forgotten how you saved my life during our last mission against Foxx?", Sing reminded him.

"Oh, you're right. I had kind of forgotten that after all that shit going down at the time. Seems like a lifetime ago, huh? Thanks anyway. For saving me. And helping Eiji as well. I couldn't believe it when I heard Eiji was still here." Then his evil grin returned. "Although at the beginning I wanted to kill you for making Eiji return to Manhattan in his injured state." Sing flinched a bit at that. "Yeah, I knew you'd be mad about that later. But I just had a bad feeling about you. So did Eiji. He just needed a little push and a little... assistance. Being in a wheel chair and all... His eyes were drowning in the same sorrow as yours ,so you both really left me no choice here..." Ash just stared at him, a frown appearing on his forehead, but remained silent. Sing wondered if he had imagined the spark of guilt overshadowing his eyes for the tiniest moment.

"Hey, it's not my fault that I have only stubborn idiots as friends. Someone had to do something, you know?", he defended himself. "Since both of you were too busy feeling sorry for yourselves.!"

"But why did you care so much in the first place?", Ash asked curiously.

"How can you even ask that?", Sing exclaimed in amazement. "You didn't see your face when I gave you Eiji's letter. I've never seen you so ...

Pathetic?, Ash finished with a smirk.

"I was going to say desperate. As if you had completely given up and nothing mattered to you anymore. I couldn't forget that look on your face... It had burnt itself into my memory. And unlike you I have no pokerface. You know that better than anyone. Of course Eiji saw right through me and asked me what was wrong. So I told him." Ash just nodded, understanding flashing in his eyes.

"However, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that it was Lao who stabbed you. I'm entirely to blame for that. I'm so sorry! I knew Lao wasn't satisfied how I handled things and that I sided with you. And about our duel. But I'd never imagined that he'd outright attack you.", he tried to apologize, his features drowning in regret.

"I'm really sorry, Ash. If I had been a better gang leader that wouldn't have happened.", he concluded, looking down, a hand resting over his eyes to cover up his tears.

"Still a crybaby, I see.", Ash scolded him, half-smiling. "But honestly, it's ok. It was my fault as well since I agreed to the duel. And I let my guard down after reading Eiji's letter. Let's just forget all that shit, ok? And you did save my life in the end.", Ash reminded him.

" I still can't believe you really did that. Bleeding out and not calling for help. You're a complete idiot, you know that, right?", Sing told him angrily. "I'd really like to punch you for doing that." Ash just sighed and then looked at him. His eyes were overpowered by regret and sadness.

"Yeah, I finally got that message loud and clear when Eiji yelled at me a few days ago. I've never seen him so mad. And hurt. Guess I've never realized that my death would hurt him so much.", he admitted, guilt darkening his green eyes for a moment. "Of course, I thought that he'd leave me after that stunt I pulled. That he just stayed until I had recovered. But instead Eiji told me he'd never leave me again and asked me to come to Japan with him." The look in his eyes had softened considerably when mentioning that last part, making his eyes light up with a slight touch of happiness.

Sing just shook his head in disbelief at Ash's cluelessness. He had to be the only one who hadn't still figured out how much Eiji would do for him. How much he meant to him. But it seemed that Ash had at least understood by now that Eiji won't leave him again. And he didn't try to push him away anymore. That was a start, he thought, feeling relieved.

"And you really agreed? To go to Japan with him?", Sing asked, surprise written all over his face. "Doesn't sound like you..."

"Eiji left me no choice. He told me that if I don't go to Japan with him, he'll stay in New York with me!", Ash exclaimed, resignation crossing his face.

"Yeah, that sounds like Eiji all right.", Sing agreed with a smirk on his face. "He'd really be that stupid and would stay here with you despite all the danger.", he agreed, smiling at Ash.

"I'm glad you agreed to go with him. You'll be both fine as long as you're together.", Sing assured him. Ash stared at him wide-eyed, utterly shocked, as if that was the last thing he expected Sing to say.

"Hey, I didn't go through all the trouble of saving you and giving you new documents so you would stay here and get yourself killed in the process!", he scolded him.

"I guess not...", Ash agreed reluctantly.

Then Ash's eyes suddenly shifted to the door, but instead of tensing up, as Sing had expected, he relaxed completely, smiling at the person opening the door. Sing had never seen Ash smile like that. Ever. No smirk, no sarcastic sneer, no smug look, but instead a small, but honest smile that even reached his eyes, making them shine with happiness. Sing couldn't help but stare at him and Eiji wide-eyed, completely dumbfounded at this new side of Ash he hadn't seen yet.

"Hey Sing, good to see you. Seems as if you're still alive", Eiji greeted him, a small grin on his face while entering the room, oblivious to Sing's reaction.

"When Ash woke up and I told him what had happened, he told me he'd kill you."

Sing turned around to face Ash again, staring at him incredulously. "That's the first thing you told Eiji when you were waking up? Really?" Ungrateful bastard... Sing mumbled barely audible at the end.

"Hey, I was on fucking painkillers. And to be precise I told Eiji I'd kill you after thanking you for saving my life.", Ash defended himself. "And I've just done that, so I guess if you insist I can get to the killing part now. This location would be perfect. They even have a morgue here. And a doctor who fakes death certificates...", Ash explained rationally, but he was only teasing Sing. Who just scowled at him and crossed his arms stubbornly before turning around to Eiji.

"Eiji, please remind me again why we bothered saving that idiot? Or worrying about him?

My memory seems to have suddenly failed me.", Sing said, feigning irritation.

Eiji just grinned. "I know the feeling, believe me. He can be a handful and an annoying smartass sometimes. But at the end of the day he's normally worth it."

"Can you please talk about me as if I'm in the room with you?", he complained to them, crossing his arms again, but his annoyance didn't reach his eyes. Instead Sing noticed that Ash's features had softened and his eyes were radiating a warmth that hadn't been there before. He was also more at ease now and even more talkative since Eiji had come in.

Sing just grinned at him and changed the topic to something else he had been curious about.

"So when are you getting discharged, Ash?"

"Tomorrow.", Ash said. "Finally. I can't stand hospitals. Took me forever to convince the doc to let me leave earlier. But I guess I'm lucky to be here at all, so I'm not complaining.", he admitted honestly.

"And your flight?"

"It's in three days. We stay at a hotel near the airport in the meantime.", Eiji explained to him.

"Don't you dare visit us there. Or at the airport. You only lead people to us and blow our cover.", Ash said stubbornly, green eyes burning dangerously in the dim lighting of the room. Eiji just stared at him, wide-eyed. "Ash!"Ash just shrugged, avoiding his gaze.

"He meant that as a question. With a "please" at the end.", he translated Ash's rude outburst while still making a half-hearted attempt to glare at him accusingly. And gloriously failing. Sing had to chuckle at those two. But after a moment, Eiji got serious again, facing him once more.

"And please don't tell anyone that Ash is still alive. Except for Alex and Cain maybe. But no one else.", Eiji added, worry reflected in his brown eyes.

"Don't worry. I know all of that. And I won't jeopardize your departure. And Yut Lung won't do anything either. He isn't interested in you anymore. He was only jealous of Eiji. And interested in you, Ash, as a rival.", Sing assured both of them. "I will tell Alex and Cain after you've safely boarded the plane.", he promised.

"I'm really sad that you're leaving, but I really hope you have a better life on the other side of the world. That you both can be happy.", Sing added, smiling at them reassuringly.

"Thanks, Sing. We will be.", Eiji said, radiating complete confidence. "I'll make sure of that."

"Well, as far as I'm concerned it can only get better. I only hope that my enemies really believe I'm dead and won't start looking for me again...", Ash said more to himself than to anyone else, staring holes in the opposite wall, his eyes darkening with worry.

"Stop overthinking things, Ash, and look forward to your new life. Sometimes good things just happen. Without a deeper meaning behind it. Just accept it.", Sing replied encouragingly.

Ash looked sadly at him. "I'm trying. But it's not that easy for me."

"It's gonna be ok. You'll see.", Eiji promised him.

"I wish you a safe trip to Japan. Make sure you enjoy your new life, Ash. And don't forget that you still have friends in NYC as well. And that cell phones work in Japan as well.", Sing said, smirking at him, knowing fairly well that Ash would never be the one to call him.

"Good bye, Sing. And thanks for everything. For the documents as well. I mean it.", Ash said, smiling at him. "Tell Alex to take care of my guys. Or I'll come back and punch him so hard that he doesn't need an airplane to visit Japan.", Ash grinned viciously.

"Alex will just say _That sounds like Ash_.", Sing grinned back. "I'll be going now."

"Take care of yourself, Sing. And do me a favor and stop being a gang leader. Try something else. Something less dangerous."

"I'll think about it.", he promised.

"I'll walk you to the exit.", Eiji said, following him.

They walked for a few minutes in comfortable silence until they reached the exit. Eiji turned to Sing. "Thanks again for convincing me to save that stubborn idiot. I can't stop thinking about... that was cutting it really close. If we hadn't found him in time..." Now there were tears welling up in Eiji's eyes, running down his face. Sing just hugged him, not saying anything, just held him. After a moment Eiji pulled out of the hug, wiping the tears away with his sleeve. "I'm sorry, Sing. "If I think about how close he was to dying... What if we had only arrived a few minutes later... "

So Eiji wanted to hide his tears in front of Ash, Sing realized with a start. To hide from Ash how much that memory still hurt him. He could relate to that. He couldn't forget those images of Ash bleeding out either. But the fact remained that Ash was alive. That was the most important thing. Nothing else mattered.

"But, Eiji, no matter how close he was to dying, Ash is still alive. So enjoy your time together with him. The beginning won't be easy, but I'm sure you'll work it out. Ash really needs you now. Especially because he isn't used to such a peaceful way of life. And because he also has to adapt to a new country. A new world. But remember that you're not alone. If you have any problems or just need to talk, just call me, ok?", Sing assured him.

"Ok. Thanks, Sing. I really owe you.", Eiji smiled at him.

"And don't try to do everything by yourself all the time. Ash can help you as well, you know? He may be a stubborn idiot, but he would do anything for you. Try to rely on him as well.", he reminded Eiji.

"I will. I'm gonna miss you, Sing. Tell Alex and the others goodbye for me and that I'll be thinking about them. Cain, too."

"I promise. I'll miss you, too. Please tell me if you've landed safely in Japan."

"Ok.", Eiji hugged him again and then gripped his shoulder, smiling at him. "Come visit us in Japan one day."

"Yeah, I definitely will. I promise. Bye, Eiji. Have a safe trip. And take care of yourself and that stubborn idiot.", Sing added with a smile, getting on his bike.

Eiji waved at him when Sing drove away. He waved back, hoping those two would have a better life from now on. But as long as they were together they would be fine.

like Ash.", Sing grinned back. "I'll be going now."

"Take care of yourself, Sing. And do me a favor and stop being a gang leader. Try something else. Something less dangerous."

"I'll think about it.", he promised.

"I'll walk you to the exit.", Eiji said, following him.

They walked for a few minutes in comfortable silence until they reached the exit. Eiji turned to Sing. "Thanks again for convincing me to save that stubborn idiot. I can't stop thinking about... that was cutting it really close. If we hadn't found him in time..." Now there were tears welling up in Eiji's eyes, running down his face. Sing just hugged him, not saying anything, just held him. After a moment Eiji pulled out of the hug, wiping the tears away with his sleeve. "I'm sorry, Sing. "If I think about how close he was to dying... What if we had only arrived a few minutes later... "

So Eiji wanted to hide his tears in front of Ash, Sing realized with a start. To hide from Ash how much that memory still hurt him. He could relate to that. He couldn't forget those images of Ash bleeding out either. But the fact remained that Ash was alive. That was the most important thing. Nothing else mattered.

"But, Eiji, no matter how close he was to dying, Ash is still alive. So enjoy your time together with him. The beginning won't be easy, but I'm sure you'll work it out. Ash really needs you now. Especially because he isn't used to such a peaceful way of life. And because he also has to adapt to a new country. A new world. But remember that you're not alone. If you have any problems or just need to talk, just call me, ok?", Sing assured him.

"Ok. Thanks, Sing. I really owe you.", Eiji smiled at him.

"And don't try to do everything by yourself all the time. Ash can help you as well, you know? He may be a stubborn idiot, but he would do anything for you. Try to rely on him as well.", he reminded Eiji.

"I will. I'm gonna miss you, Sing. Tell Alex and the others goodbye for me and that I'll be thinking about them. Cain, too."

"I promise. I'll miss you, too. Please tell me if you've landed safely in Japan."

"Ok.", Eiji hugged him again and then gripped his shoulder, smiling at him. "Come visit us in Japan one day."

"Yeah, I definitely will. I promise. Bye, Eiji. Have a safe trip. And take care of yourself and that stubborn idiot.", Sing added with a smile, getting on his bike.

Eiji waved at him when Sing drove away. He waved back, hoping those two would have a better life from now on. But as long as they were together they would be fine.


	9. From Dusk Till Dawn

Wide awake in the city that never sleeps. How fitting. But looking out of this hotel room's window, it felt as if New York was worlds away. Manhattan was always busy, crowded with people coming and going while you were drowning in deafeningly loud noises of every day life. At night it was calmer but never silent, as New York was swallowed up by an endless sea of blindingly bright lights that turned the night into day again, as if proving where the city got its nickname from.

But here at this hotel it was quite the opposite, like another world entirely. Here there were no skyscrapers and no bright lights. The pitch black darkness mixing in with the ghostly silence made it closely resemble Cape Cod. Without the damn wind. Only interrupted by the occasional airplane at night.

Max and Ibe had chosen a hotel near the airport for them, not only because it was close to the airport and therefore extra convenient, but also because Ash and Eiji had to lay low and couldn't risk running into anyone while waiting for their flight a few days later. And the hotel was a safe distance away from Manhattan, Harlem, Chinatown or any other area downtown where people would recognize them. Especially Ash who was kind of an urban legend around here. And thanks to Max's article, Ash's picture had been plastered all over the news for a while. Again. That didn't make it any easier. So they both had to be extra careful that no one recognized them now. All the hard work and endless efforts of Max and Sing to help Ash get out of the country would go up in smoke in the fraction of a second...

That had apparently also been the reason why Max had drilled it into Ash's stubborn head not to do anything stupid to ruin all his hard work and keep a low profile. Obviously, Max had just been worried, knowing his impulsive behavior at times. His "dad" also knew about his reckless and sometimes self-destructive behavior from spending so much time with him over the last few years.

But Ash would never blow his cover after everything Max had done for him. Especially not after Eiji had told him how many favors Max had needed to cash in and strings to pull to arrange his stay at the private hospital, the official death certificate and a new identity for him including flawless documents. Although Sing had helped a great deal with the last one. Max and Sing had really not wasted any time to help him. Ash owed them his life. If not for the old man's lightning fast reaction to Eiji's call he'd be dead by now for sure. He'd never forget how much he had done for him. Not that he'd ever tell him that. But if he was completely honest, it had still meant a lot to him. His "dad"could be a real pain in the ass sometimes. But he was one of the few people he could count on besides Eiji.

Ash was lying in bed, his green eyes staring absent-mindedly at the ceiling above him, endless bits and pieces of his last talk with Eiji dancing in front of his eyes, like an infinite loop, repeating certain details over and over again. His mind never got tired of questioning, doubting and reflecting parts of that conversation, torturing him endlessly, so that sleep was out of the question.

Ash wished he could find sleep as easily as Eiji who was always sleeping peacefully before his head had even touched the pillow. It was already midnight and he hadn't really slept well in days, not since the day of their departure was approaching. But his damn mind had no intention to shut down anytime soon. With that pitch black darkness overwhelming him and that deafening silence echoing eternally in his ears there was no fucking way he could distract himself. He had too many conflicting thoughts swirling around in his mind – hope, relief, gratitude, worry, guilt, fear, restlessness. He also had mixed feelings about going to Japan. Yeah, he wanted to go, but at the same time his inner voice kept telling him that a new and happier life will never work out. Not for someone like him...

And yet, Ash began to realize slowly that Eiji really meant what he had told him. That he was really serious about taking him to Japan. Of course, Ash had heard what Eiji had told him, but none of the people he had trusted had ever stayed. Not for long. They had all left him eventually. Apparently he hadn't been worth the trouble. So it was hard for him to believe that someone else would really stay. But he really wished that Eiji would stay and prove him wrong. He was more at ease when Eiji was around. His presence just radiated warmth and made him feel safe. Protected. For the first time in his pathetic life. And there was no need to explain all his doubts, fears and worries to Eiji. Because he somehow just knew. He could see the understanding and compassion reflected in his eyes sometimes. Eiji knew him so damn well that he always noticed the tiniest details about him. The tiniest changes in his behavior. So Ash didn't have to tell him how on edge he felt at times and that he still worried about endangering Eiji's life when going to Japan with him. That he was afraid that Eiji would leave him as well eventually. Eiji just knew all his fears and worries, as if one look at his face held all the answers. He had some kind of x-ray vision that could look through his supposedly impenetrable inner walls and right into his raw emotions. Even if he tried to hide them. Damn him! That scared the hell out of him sometimes. But he had to admit to himself that it simplified things for him. A lot. Because he was fucking bad at dealing with emotions. He had only learnt how to suppress them, not to allow them, to show them, let alone explain them...

Ash still couldn't believe that Eiji had really come back for him, saving his life in the end. Despite being injured himself. He had only realized how much he had hurt Eiji with his final decision to bleed out when Eiji had completely broken down in front of him, an ocean of tears running down his face. He will never forget the unbearable amount of hurt reflected in his brown eyes.

Have you ever thought about me when doing that?

To be completely honest, he hadn't thought about Eiji at all. At least not in that way. He had only been relieved that Eiji would be finally safe back in Japan. Nothing else had really mattered to him back then. The possibility that Eiji would be completely devastated by his death had never even occurred to him. That realization was much more agonizing than any stab wound could ever be.

He had never foreseen the unlikely possibility of Eiji coming back for him. Saving him. And especially finding him like that...

I'm the the worst.

But even after all the pain Eiji had endured because of his reckless final decision, the simple fact remained that Eiji was still here. And he stubbornly refused to leave. Telling him over and over that he wouldn't leave him alone again. Wherever you are, I will follow. So simple, right?

Unfortunately his mind wasn't convinced so easily. He had already suffered through too much shit to accept so easily that people genuinely just wanted to help him. Without demanding anything from him in return. Just because they cared. That whole concept was new to him. But he slowly began to understand that Eiji just wanted him to have the peaceful normal life he had always longed for. Just because Eiji thought he deserved a better life. A second chance. As puzzling as that still was for him, Eiji wanted to stay by his side. Forever.

Starting a new life still sounded like a dream to Ash. A fresh start. A clean slate. Never in his life had he thought it would ever come true. He had never even thought he would have a future, realizing his way of life would surely lead to an early and probably violent death. But Ash slowly began to realize that this really was his once-in-a-lifetime chance. One that he shouldn't waste. And that he was really damn lucky to be alive at all. Thanks to three people who really cared about him and had saved his pathetic life. Again.

And yet he still worried what could happen to prevent that his wish came true at the last second, he couldn't really help thinking like that. Because finding a happy ending for himself on top of finding someone amazing like Eiji who really wanted to stay by his side was just too good to be true for his superior mind. Wishful thinking. Too easy.

But Eiji wasn't like that. He didn't have ulterior motives. Eiji was just a genuinely good and selfless person. Who just cared. And worried. A lot. He would never ask for any disgusting and twisted favor in return. No one had done so much for him. Ever. He still didn't understand entirely why Eiji did all of that, but he knew that a life without him would be empty and meaningless. Eiji was the only one who made his pathetic life worth living. Eiji didn't see the monster in him, but the broken human being who was still hurting and suffering greatly. With Eiji he could be a normal teenager. Eiji taught him to feel again. Trust again. Live again. Not just survive from one day to the next, but actually live for the first time in his life. And maybe even think about a possible future.

Eiji had told him that it wasn't selfish to wish for a better life. Maybe it was really ok to wish for that? And if Eiji wanted that for him as well ... Maybe it was really alright to grasp his dream of a peaceful life together with Eiji, the only one who made him a better person? Because for the first time in his life he desperately wished for something. He wanted to stay with Eiji no matter what. And Eiji wanted that, too. Eiji had told him that he wanted to spend his life only with him by his side. That his life would also be empty without him. So it was ok, right? Or was that asking too much? After all the heinous crimes he had committed...?

He had been wondering over and over if it was even possible to outrun his dark past. If Eiji was really safe with him by his side. If he was honest that had always been his greatest fear. That Eiji got hurt again because of him. That his mere presence in Japan put him in danger again. That his enemies would find him eventually. That he dragged Eiji down with him. He couldn't do that to him. Not again. He was so afraid of that, it sent shivers down his spine just thinking about the unlikely scenario.

Several times already he had been this close to telling Eiji that he would stay here in New York. That he couldn't fly to Japan with him. That he'd only endanger Eiji's life again. That violence will surely follow him everywhere.

But he just couldn't do that to Eiji. Not after seeing how happy Eiji had been when he had finally agreed to go with him. His eyes had practically been glowing golden with pure happiness, beaming at him in that pure, innocent way Eiji had. Seeing that, Ash knew he would never be able to leave him. He was just defenseless against Eiji's sincere smile and his warm chocolate brown eyes. At the same time he had also remembered that if he stayed here, Eiji would, too.

Eiji had made that perfectly clear.

I'm not leaving you alone again. If you stay here, I'll stay, too.

Seeing the unbreakable determination in Eiji's brown eyes at that moment, Ash knew he had made up his mind a long time ago and nothing he'd do could ever change that. It was a lost battle. Eiji could be stubborn as hell, especially when it came to him.

So what the hell am I supposed to do now?

He just shifted from one side of the bed to the other but he just couldn't find any sleep. His superior mind wouldn't allow it. Sometimes he wished there was a switch off button for his damn mind. But it was a hopeless struggle. He knew he should sleep. His eyes were burning from lack of sleep and were probably tinged with red. Their flight was tomorrow. But like the night before he just couldn't relax. No matter what he tried. There were too many conflicting thoughts spinning around in his mind making it impossible for him to calm down. He covered his eyes with one hand, admitting defeat. Fuck.

He finally sat up, lowering his head in his hands, giving up on sleep entirely. He thought about distracting himself by reading one of his books. Anything to keep his mind busy. Or he'd go insane with all these confusing thoughts torturing his mind endlessly. But he would need to switch on the light to read. And then he'd wake Eiji up, so he couldn't do that... He'd only worry about nothing. And overdramatize everything...

Sometimes he wished he could think in such simple terms as Eiji did. Eiji had even been able to sleep when constantly surrounded by danger and violence. Although he hadn't been used to that way of life at all. When Ash had asked him about it, Eiji had simply told him that he had trusted Ash to keep him safe and had known he'd protect him. That was why he had been able to sleep so peacefully. So simple. Eiji's way of thinking and his ability to trust people so easily was just amazing. Of course, Ash would have been dead long ago with such a trusting personality. But right now his way of thinking would really come in handy. It would help him stop worrying so much and it would help him relax. And sleep. Maybe he should...

Suddenly sensing someone coming closer, he instantly awoke from his stupor. He reacted lightning-fast and instinctively twisted the arm and forcefully pinned the person down before he knew what he was doing.

"Ash, stop! That hurts!" Eiji called out desperately. "It's me, Eiji, ok?"

"Eiji? What the hell?", Ash exclaimed, freeing him instantly. Fuck, he had never even heard him coming over until he stood right in front of him...

"You should know better than to sneak up on me like that.", he complained in an annoyed tone. His lack of sleep didn't really help his bad mood.

"I didn't. I called your name like three times already. You apparently didn't hear me.", he defended himself, rubbing his arm. "You didn't even notice me switching on the light at my bedside table."

"Oh... Sorry, Eiji. I must have been totally lost in thought...", Ash replied silently. "I always end up hurting you ... ", he sighed guiltily, his voice flooded with regret, looking down at his hands. A killer's hands. Who had just harmed the only person...

"No, it's ok. Don't worry, Ash. I was just surprised. That's all.", Eiji replied, pulling him out of his guilt-trip in a soft voice. "I couldn't see your face in the semi-darkness so I assumed you'd heard me.", he reassured Ash, talking a bit too fast. Seeing him like that, Ash couldn't help but smile slightly.

"Why did you come over anyway? In the middle of the night?", he changed the topic.

"I wanted you to stop tormenting yourself.", Eiji explained honestly.

"Excuse me? I didn't even say anything. How - ?" Ash asked in confusion, frowning at him.

"You didn't have to. I could hear your thoughts loud and clear. You were overthinking things again. And you didn't sleep at all. Your eyes were open the whole time and you were shifting from one side to the other from the start. Don't think I didn't notice."

Shit.

"I have never told you that but... I always wait until you are asleep. I only go to sleep after that.", Eiji admitted, his cheeks flushed a bit with embarrassment.

"Why... why would you do such a thing...?", Ash asked dumbfounded. "I've never even noticed that...", he admitted reluctantly.

"I can sleep more soundly if I know you're fine. That you're not having nightmares or are suffering." Ash just stared at him, his green eyes widening in disbelief, at a loss for words. Eiji never failed to impress him. How he deserved such an amazing and selfless person was beyond him.

"So tell me what's bothering you. You seem... restless."

Eiji Okumura, king of understatement.

Ash sighed in frustration. "Eiji, are you still sure you want to take me to Japan? Maybe you'll regret that. Not now, but later on?", Ash asked quietly, expecting Eiji to get mad at him. He had asked that question too many times by now. But at the same time he needed the reassurance, even if Eiji had given him the answer over and over again. Eiji seemed to notice that, too.

"Ash, of course, I'm sure. I wouldn't have asked you otherwise. And I won't regret spending my life with such an amazing and smart person as you are. I would never leave you just because you have some nightmares. Or because you are suffering. I would never do that to you, Ash. You know that, right?", Eiji asked, a concerned frown on his face.

Ash didn't reply. He needed to hear that, but he still couldn't believe Eiji's words, not entirely. There were always doubts lingering behind in his mind.

All other people have left me eventually. So why not Eiji as well? I'm not worth it.

Eiji took Ash's hand and looked into his eyes filling with doubt, questioning his motives again.

"Ash, just tell me one thing. Do you want to come to Japan with me? Is this what you truly want?"

"I...I do, but..."

"Ok, then please stop overthinking things. Nothing bad will happen. You deserve a new life more than anyone else. And you're not alone. I'm here with you. Always. So stop worrying so much and just try to relax."

Ash smiled sadly at him. "I'm just worried. I just don't want to put you in any more danger, Eiji. I want you to finally be safe.", he explained himself, looking down at his hands. He had started shivering, the mere thought of losing Eiji scared him to death. A single tear ran silently down his face.

Seeing that, Eiji slowly moved a bit closer and put a hand around Ash's shoulders. "Everything will be ok. We will both be safe in Japan. I promise. No one will hurt you ever again. Or me." Ash flinched a tiny bit at the touch, but didn't pull back. Instead he stopped shivering and instantly relaxed, warmth spreading throughout his body. He immediately felt safe. Protected. Eiji tightened his grip a bit when he felt Ash relax and Ash's head dropped onto his shoulder, all the tension finally leaving his body.

"I'm sorry, Eiji. I just keep seeing obstacles and enemies at every corner. I just do that automatically. I can't help it. It's basic instinct of survival for me.", Ash tried to explain.

" It's ok, Ash. I don't blame you for doing that. And I know you can't just stop that from one day to the other. That will take time. I only ask you to trust me. To believe me when I say that we'll both be safe and we will deal with any difficulties when they arise, ok? And that I won't leave you, even if we encounter any problems along the way."

We. Eiji always said we. Not I or you. We. Us. As if it would be the most natural thing for them to always be together. Inseparable. It made him smile and look at him again. "Our bond is stronger than that. As long as we're together we will pull through anything, ok?", Eiji promised him, ruffling his hair.

Ash just stared at him in complete shock. After a moment of silence he nodded, but a hint of a doubt was still lingering in his jade green eyes. Of course, Eiji saw that, too.

"Ash, would you abandon me here in New York? Leave me here, alone and unprotected in your cruel world?", Eiji suddenly asked frustrated, taking him totally off guard.

"No, I'd never do that to you.", Ash exclaimed furiously, his green eyes suddenly flaring up with anger, glowing dangerously. "Why would you even ask that? You should know better!" Eiji touched his shoulder gently, answering in a soft voice:

"Calm down. Of course, I know that, Ash. But that's the point. Then how can YOU think I could ever do something like that to you?", he asked sadly, the hurt and disappointment evident in his brown eyes.

"In theory I know you would never do that.", Ash tried to make him understand his train of thought. Then he looked down at his hands, ashamed of himself, for even considering that... "But all the people before you did, you know? They all left me eventually.", he admitted sadly. "Persons I trusted as well. So I sometimes worry you'll leave me, too. One day. If I'm too much trouble.", he admitted, finally looking up at him uncertainly.

"Ash, you aren't trouble. Or a burden. Not to me.", Eiji explained patiently, gripping his shoulder, while his face radiated determination. "You are an incredible and amazing person who had just experienced a lot of horrifying and disgusting things I can't even begin to imagine, ok? So you're worth it. Always.", Eiji replied compassionately.

"But—", Ash began. Eiji interrupted him softly.

"I really want to see the moment when you notice what a wonderful and brilliant person you truly are. Not the bad person you see right now, but the kind and warm-hearted one I see every day."

"That won't be happening...", Ash replied sadly, looking down. "I'll never see myself that way..."

Eiji turned his head upwards again. "No, it will definitely happen. Not now, but eventually. I'll make sure it does." Looking at his radiant and warm smile Ash nearly believed him. "I won't tell you that it will always be easy, especially at the beginning.", Eiji told him honestly. "But we'll figure it out together." Ash nodded, feeling relieved that Eiji had realized as well that it wouldn't be easy at the beginning. That his nightmares and his suffering will probably get worse before they were finally getting better.

"Eiji, what am I going to do in Japan?", Ash asked, suddenly curious. They hadn't even talked about the details yet. He didn't even know where they would live or if Eiji's parents knew about him.

"You mean what are we going to do?", he corrected him gently.

"Uhm...yeah. Where do we live? Are we going to live with your parents? What are we going to do for money? What about your college? Please tell me you have a detailed plan or a strategy of some kind."

Hearing that, Eiji suddenly burst out laughing, tears steaming down his face, as if that had been the most hilarious thing he had ever heard. Ash just stared at him wide-eyed. He could practically feel the faint blush spreading across his cheeks, completely flustered at Eiji's unexpected outburst. He had no fucking idea how to react to that. Seeing his face made Eiji only laugh harder while Ash looked away stubbornly, pouting.

"Ash,", Eiji finally said after wiping his tears away, "I'm not you. So I don't always have a perfect plan for everything and several alternative options." Eiji must have seen Ash's shocked face because he continued in a more serious tone. "But don't worry. I rented a small apartment for us. Ibe helped me with that. It's close to my parents' home. And to college. It's small and only partly furnished so we have to buy some furniture and other things but that's it. We can move right in. But for now I just want to wake up to your jade green eyes and golden hair each morning. Listen to your heartbeat. Know you're still alive. And safe. We figure everything else out when we are in Japan. Maybe I can continue my studies and finish college. And you can start by learning Japanese.", he said smiling, ruffling his blonde hair before putting an arm around his shoulders again.

What the hell am I supposed to reply to that?

How could Eiji say such embarrassing and cheesy things with a straight face like that? That wasn't fair. But he had to say something. Anything. But how was he supposed to do that when his mind just went blank? Fuck. But not answering was out of the question because Eiji's eyes were still filled with concern.

"I ... thank you? For everything. For being here with me.", he answered slowly, a trace of hesitation in his voice. "I'm feeling better now. I think I'm trying to sleep now." Apparently it was enough, since Eiji smiled at him, relief flooding his eyes.

"Good. You look much more relaxed now. Then let's lie down again and sleep, ok? Or you'll be exhausted before our flight even begins." Ash just nodded, lying down with him, a slight smile running away from his face.

Eiji pulled the blanket over them both and put his arms around him.

That was the last thing Ash noticed before drifting to a sound sleep in Eiji's arms.


	10. Another Missed Flight?

"Ash, are you coming?", Eiji called out to him impatiently. Ash sighed, grabbing his bag and throwing his backpack over his shoulder. But not before glancing around nervously, automatically checking if someone had followed them here or had been watching them from any direction. Better to be safe than sorry. He wanted to believe Eiji that everything was fine, but he couldn't help double checking. He wouldn't repeat his mistake and let his guard down around Eiji again...

Max and Ibe had insisted on driving them to the airport and saying good bye to them. Eiji and the two of them were already heading to the entrance of the airport. Of course not one of them had even bothered checking the areas for any danger. Typical. They spent more than one year with him, were threatened, kidnapped, nearly tortured, got shot or hurt and had learned absolutely nothing from those horrifying experiences. They still acted like completely naive tourists that were sad their little sightseeing trip to the Big Apple was over. He couldn't believe how carefree they still behaved after all the shit they had been through because of him. He secretly wished he could feel so relaxed, but his harsh life had taught him better. For him peace was an illusion that made him suspicious, a bubble that would burst into nothingness when he was slacking off only for a second. His whole body had tensed up as soon as he got out of the car, his smart mind expecting an attack at any moment. Everything just went too smoothly for his taste until now. It was too easy. Or was it?

Eiji called out to him impatiently. Again. He had insisted they'd leave early because this time he intended to catch the plane. But which idiot went to the airport two hours before a flight?, he thought to himself, silently grumbling. It gave his enemies only more opportunities to attack them.

An airport was the perfect place to do so, a wide and open space without any obstacles to hide behind as cover. It was the perfect opportunity as well since he didn't carry a weapon for once. The mere thought sent shivers down his spine. He gripped his bag a little harder than necessary, looked around one last time, then walked towards them.

While heading towards them, he thought back to his conversation with Eiji about leaving New York. Eiji had asked him if it was hard for him to leave New York. But it really wasn't, he had realized. Although he himself had been half-surprised by his quick response.

"No, it's not. New York has never been a real home to me, it was more like a living hell on earth or a constant battlefield. I won't regret leaving here. Only horrible things have happened to me while living here."

Except for meeting you.

To be honest he was just relieved and grateful to be able to leave this city. And go someplace where no one knew him, his dark past and his connection to Dino and his syndicate. Of course, he'd miss his gang, especially Alex and all those dumb idiots like Kong and Bones that had been more of a family to him than anyone else. But his gang would be safe with Alex as the new leader. And he certainly wouldn't miss being a gang leader, that was for sure. He had only become one to protect himself and others close to him. He wouldn't miss the cruel and violent world of warfare and crime.

He had always wished for a normal life similar to Eiji's. A life where you didn't need a gun or a knife. Where you were able to live in peace, instead of just surviving from one day to the next. Where your biggest problems were that you missed the last bus, what to cook tonight or which college to choose. He had always envied Eiji because he grew up in a peaceful and quiet world like this with a loving family that actually worried about him. He had always dreamed of living in an ordinary world where people were working normal 9-to-5 jobs, raised their kids and lived freely without any real danger threatening their daily lives. Where guns and sinister incidents like violence, rape and murder stayed in the fictional world of crime series like CSI New York.

"Ash, come on. We have to find our check-in counter.", Eiji said, pulling him out of his daydreaming, taking his wrist and leading him into the airport. When Ash started to look around again, always on guard, Eiji looked at him. "Everything will be fine. I promise.", he said, turning around to him. Eiji's self-confident smile made him relax a little.

After they had checked in their luggage, it took them some time to find the right security gate. That's when Ibe and Max had to say goodbye to them. Ibe was working on an article together with Max at the moment and wouldn't fly back with them. Ash thanked Ibe and asked him to see his photos of New York someday. Ibe smiled at him and nodded. Then he slowly placed a hand on Ash's shoulder. "Ash, not everyone gets a second chance in life. Don't let it go to waste. Try to enjoy your new life and live the life you've always wished for. And take care of Eiji for me. He went through a lot, too.", Ibe added , a worried look on his face while turning to look at Eiji. "I will, I promise.", Ash replied honestly while following his gaze to the spot where Eiji talked cheerfully to Max and said goodbye to him, oblivious to their gazes.

"Eiji, take good care of my son", Max said with a grin on his face. "He needs someone to look after him. And to tell him what an insufferable idiot he is sometimes.", he added, gripping Ash's shoulder lightly after he had walked over to them. Ash flinched a bit at the unexpected touch, then gave him a dirty look.

"Go to hell, old man!", Ash grumbled irritatedly.

"You know, kid, after everything I've been through with you, hell will be a relaxing walk in the park for me.", Max replied nonchalantly, smirking at him. "Told you to stay out of it.", Ash sneered back at him. "Your fault for not listening."

Eiji just grinned at both of them. "Don't worry, Max, I can handle that stubborn idiot." Ash just stared at him, feigning annoyance. "Which side are you on?", Ash complained to him, crossing his arms defiantly.

"Ei-chan, do you have a minute? I want to talk to you about something before you leave.", Ibe asked Eiji. He promised Eiji he'd come back in a few weeks and explain everything properly to his family. And that he had told his mother over the phone that he had been shot when mixed up in a mugging gone wrong and he should stick to that story. Eiji just smiled sadly at him. "Do you really think my family would believe it if I told them the truth? They would tell me to look for psychological help because I lost touch with reality." Ibe just smiled back at him, relaxing slightly. "You're probably right. Sounds like a thriller, a gang movie or a murder mystery."

Apparently they both wanted to give Ash and Max the chance to talk alone, since they walked a few meters away from them before continuing their conversation.

Max turned to Ash, suddenly a sad look on his face. Or was that concern? Ash couldn't really tell.

"So this is goodbye, huh?", Max said, suddenly sounding like a concerned parent. "Take care of yourself, Ash. And listen to Eiji, alright? And don't be so stubborn all the time and talk to him. He'd do anything to help you, ok?"

"Yeah, I will.", Ash answered honestly, never stopping to watch his surroundings carefully.

"Ash, you and Eiji will be both safe in Japan. You deserve a happier life. So make the most out of your new life, ok? This is your second chance, kid.", Max assured him.

Ash's eyes had softened a bit, but there was still a shadow of worry lingering behind. Running a hand through his hair, he replied "I'll try my best." Max smiled at him. "If you're with Eiji everything will work out. You'll see."

That made Ash actually smile. "Yeah, I know."

Ash wanted to say something else to Max. He was the main reason he was still alive after all. Without his incredibly fast reaction and his arrangement with that private hospital he wouldn't have survived. However, he was here. Still alive. And at the airport. A new life ahead of him. With Eiji by his side.

He looked away from Max, avoiding his gaze. He had never been good at things like that. Emotions. He had only learned to suppress them, ignore them. Never to express them or how to react to them. So his smart mind just drew a blank when trying. Damn! It seemed so easy when Eiji did that. He always said what he was feeling without thinking twice.

But not mentioning to Max how grateful he was would be more than rude after all he had done for him. Thankfully Max had noticed his hesitation as well. "What is it, Ash?"

That made Ash finally look at him, resolve returning to his green eyes. He sighed dramatically, realizing a mere "thank you" wouldn't cut it this time. Not by a long shot. But he had not the slightest idea what else to say.

"I wanted to tell you something before I leave.", Ash began, hiding his clenched fists in the pockets of his jacket, his eyes flickering nervously while looking away from him again.

"Thank you. For ... saving my life... And getting me to that hospital." Then he looked straight into his eyes. "I probably wouldn't be standing here without your help..." Max stared at him, eyes widening, completely astonished for a moment, but then his features softened considerably and a warm smile started to spread across his face.

Damn that old man, he can't look at me with such a caring expression. Only Eiji is allowed to look at me like that...

Before he knew it, a silent tear ran down his face. Seeing that, Max put his arms around his shoulders and slowly hugged him. After a moment of hesitation, Ash clumsily hugged him as well.

"You'll be fine, Ash. Enjoy your new life. And try to forget the rest. I know that won't be easy for you, but remember that you're not alone. And I'm not just talking about Eiji, you know.", Max assured him. That last sentence made Ash slowly pull out of the hug and look up at him, a confused expression crossing his face.

"I'll be in Japan in a few weeks. Together with Shunichi. I'll be seeing you then.", he explained, grinning.

"And don't you dare not meeting with me or I'll make sure to drag your sorry ass off myself.", he told him threateningly, smirking at him.

Ash just rolled his eyes dramatically. "Whatever you say, old man...", Ash said stubbornly. But then he looked up at him again, half-smiling. "Thanks, dad. For everything."

"Have a safe trip, kid."

After Max and Ibe had left, Ash and Eiji went through security just fine, so Ash's new documents really were foolproof or the real deal. He could see the relief overwhelming Eiji's features when he got through security without any difficulties. He could basically see the tension and the worry running away from his face, his whole body finally relaxing. Eiji's way too honest face was always so damn funny it made him smile and relax instantly, only feeling a tiny bit guilty for worrying him. Eiji probably hadn't been worried that his new passport wasn't genuine, but instead that he would bring anything with him in his carry-on baggage he wouldn't get through security. Like a knife or any other sharp object.

Eiji had explained to him the security regulation at the airport and what he could and couldn't get through security screening. He had been completely shocked that Ash had never heard of those rules to pass security before. But since Ash had only flown on Dino's private airplanes, he had never been forced to go through any security gates. He didn't understand those ridiculous rules at all, but apparently you couldn't bring any sharp objects in your carry-on baggage. Ash had pointed out to Eiji that those rules were absurd. If he wanted to kill someone he would, with or without stricter security rules. Hell, he could just strangle someone with his shoe laces or his belt, he didn't necessarily need any sharp object. If security only knew what his hands were capable of, they would never let him pass through security. He was a deadly weapon himself after all.

Eiji had just stared at him, giving him an exasperated look. But he just loved teasing Eiji and seeing all his honest emotions playing one after another on his face. It was fucking hilarious. Eiji had explained to him that he could only bring knives or anything like that in his suitcase, but not in any carry-on baggage. And that he had to get his weapon registered and checked in together with his bag before taking it on a flight. Ash had grinned wickedly at him. "Yeah, that conversation will be really entertaining:

Good afternoon, I want to register my illegally obtained .357 Magnum with a filed off serial number for which I don't even have a gun license or a permit." Ash couldn't help but smirk at that comical scenario.

Eiji had just stared at him wide-eyed for even considering that. But Ash had just been messing with him. He never wanted to use a gun again in his life. That was all in the past. But he did have a knife in his bag he had checked in. Because you never knew...

Ash was looking at a book store's window while Eiji checked which way the gate was they had to go to. They still had to kill time because boarding time was only in one hour. Ash wasn't really looking at the books for once, he was trying to distract himself from all the possible worst-case scenarios he had come up with that would prevent him from leaving at the last second. He had automatically checked all escape routes and emergency exits already. He just wanted to board that damn plane as fast as possible. Without any obstacles or danger preventing that or endangering Eiji or anyone else.

He just stood there, trembling at the mere thought, his hands clenched into fists while his penetrating gaze was burning holes in the book store's window. He was about to look for Eiji when he saw a familiar reflection in the window and felt a sudden movement behind him. One that didn't belong to Eiji. But to someone else he knew only too well. Who moved much too silently to be an ordinary tourist. Standing there in his extravagant Chinese clothes, he had made sure he was the center of attention. But the vicious gleam darkening his eyes and the dangerous aura surrounding him assured that people stayed a good distance away from him. Some of his bodyguards were standing some meters away, hiding efficiently in the shadows, practically invisible.

Ash turned around at lightning speed, facing his opponent, his eyes turning hard and emotionless, flaring up dangerously.

"So Ash Lynx is really still alive, huh?", Yut-Lung began, standing there with crossed arms and a smug look on his face.

Before Ash had the chance to think of a witty reply or even understood what was happening, Eiji had moved in front of him in a protective stance, asking confidently "What do you want from us?", glaring coldly at the Chinese.

Ash was momentarily paralyzed, unable to move, staring at Eiji's reckless behavior in complete disbelief. For Ash it felt like a déjà vu. Reminding him too much of the moment when Eiji pushed him out of harm's way, taking the bullet for him. The situation now was exactly the same. Only without the gun. Eiji putting himself in front of Ash without a moment's hesitation. Despite knowing he could protect himself. He had never seen such a terrifyingly cold glare on Eiji's face before, mixing in with utter determination. Seeing such a hardened expression on Eiji's face shocked him more than anything else. It sent a chill down his spine.

"So your favorite pet is protecting you now? Pathetic.", Yut-Lung spat viciously, throwing a death glare towards Eiji. Who didn't even flinch and stared right back.

That made Ash wake up from his stupor at last, moving in front of Eiji. "What the hell do you want, little girl?", he demanded coolly.

"And how did you know which flight we would take?", Eiji added curiously. "Sing –"

"I have my ways. I don't need Sing's help for some easy task like that. That idiot doesn't even know I'm here. Naturally, I have enough connections and a tightly knit network to find out when you two leave the country.", he answered snidely.

Ash grew more and more impatient. "This is the last time I will ask nicely. What the fuck do you want? Kill us?, he asked nonchalantly. "You should have done that the last few months. I was a really easy target.", he added, his cold voice dripping with sarcasm. "But that's not the reason you're here, is it?"

"No, I don't wish to kill you anymore, Ash.", explained Yut Lung calmly. "You're not a cold-blooded and lethal lynx anymore, but a mere pathetic little kitten. I was only interested in you as a worthy rival, an equally strong and smart opponent. But now that the Lynx got domesticated, you aren't worth my time.", he added with a sneer spreading across his face.

"I'm sure you'll find another toy to play with...", Ash added teasingly. "But that still doesn't explain why you took all the trouble and wasted your precious time just to come here.", Ash mocked him. "Just get this over with. We don't have all day.", he complained while looking at his watch. "As you know we have a flight to catch.", he reminded him, his green eyes darkening ominously.

"I just wanted to see with my own eyes that you're really still alive.", he replied indifferently, shrugging. "And I wanted to see your shocked face. And that was totally worth it.", he taunted him.

"And what will happen now? You're gonna shout it from the rooftops?", Ash asked, a smug look on his face, knowing perfectly well that would never happen. Not as long as Sing was there and had him wrapped around his little finger.

"I won't gain anything from telling anyone.",he confirmed Ash's assumption. But after a moment a frosty smile crossed his face, making his eyes glow threateningly.

"I just wanted to make sure you really leave New York for good. As long as you stay in Japan and won't interfere with my business here in NYC, I won't tell anyone you're alive. But if you come back, things will change.", Yut Lung tried to intimidate him, a self-satisfied look on his face. "The same goes for your pathetic little pet here.", he concluded, glowering menacingly at Eiji who glared back as intensely.

Ash really wished he could wipe that arrogant look off his pretty face, but he was way too smart to fall for Yut Lung's provocation. Even Eiji saw what he was trying to do. "People have already noticed us.", he whispered to Ash. He looked around, realizing that Eiji was right. Fuck. The last thing he wanted to do was to cause a commotion and draw attention to himself.

"Why the fuck would I ever come back here? I'm officially dead. Thanks for being the errand boy for my new documents by the way.", he challenged him, a wicked grin playing on his face. Yut Lung's posture stiffened while glaring at him with unhidden disgust.

"I just want to get the hell outta here. So you worried your pretty little head over nothing.", he assured him. "So take your goons back to your fancy little mansion, drink a glass of champagne and keep getting on Sing's nerves.", he suggested, an ironic smile dawning on his face. Before Yut-Lung had the chance to react to that, Ash continued quickly.

"And do me a favor and never come to Japan. That country is too small for the both of us. And if you have to keep living on the same planet as me, I want to have at least 5000 kilometers of safe distance between us.", Ash finished seriously, his voice mildly threatening.

Yut-Lung smiled icily at him, head held high.

"So glad we agree on that. I'll see for myself that you're really boarding that plane. Trust is good, control is better. So I'll be going now. Sayonara. I also hope we'll never meet again."

And with a final arrogant sneer at them, he tossed his black hair, turned around and left where he had come from, his bodyguards discreetly following him. Ash watched him intently with narrowed eyes until he rounded a corner and disappeared from his sight.

"You think he'll keep his promise?", Eiji asked, concern flooding his face while standing next to him. Ash didn't answer right away, he was trying hard to control his temper. And miserably failing. Ash suddenly turned around, facing him, pure anger dominating his face, his green eyes burning brightly.

"What the fuck, Eiji? What the hell were you thinking? Standing in front of me? I can protect myself, goddammit! What if he had attacked you?", Ash shouted angrily.

"I still would have done the same." Eiji said stubbornly, completely unimpressed by his outburst.

"And then what? Smile him to death?"

"I never think that far ahead. That's your super power, not mine. I just wanted to protect you. That's all.", he simply said, his features radiating pure honesty.

Ash just smacked his head in frustration. "Goddamn, Eiji, you're the most stupid and reckless person I have ever met. Stop doing crazy things like that. And that frighteningly cold look on your face...", Ash added, avoiding his gaze. "Fucking scary.", he admitted reluctantly.

"So the infamous gang leader Ash Lynx is scared of me?" Eiji asked, teasing him, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Damn, why am I even trying? You've never listened to me before..., he sighed in resignation. " You can be a completely hopeless and stubborn idiot sometimes, you know that?", Ash scolded him, but he couldn't hide the hint of a smile flitting across his face.

"Too bad then that you decided to spend your life together with that idiot in Japan.", Eiji said, grinning mischievously. Ash ran a hand through his blonde hair and groaned. "Must have been the painkillers that made me agree to that..."

"Come on, let's stop arguing and grab something to eat. Thanks to Yut-Lung, we don't have much time until our flight is called. And we still have to find the right gate.", Eiji changed the topic, showing him a small café a few meters away.

"I'm not hungry.", Ash said stubbornly, avoiding his gaze while crossing his arms.

Eiji just rolled his eyes, then glared at him fiercely.

"Unfortunately the world doesn't only revolve around you." Because I'm hungry. And you wouldn't have said that if you had tasted the food on airplanes. Those meals will make you wish for natto.", Eiji explained and burst out laughing when he was seeing the pure horror and disgust reflected on Ash's face.

Was airplane food really that bad? Surely, Eiji was exaggerating, right?

They quickly found a table at the café where Eiji convinced him to eat something. Ash immediately refused, but Eiji reminded him sternly that he hadn't eaten anything all day, giving him a determined stare. He knew that look. When Eiji looked like that it was pointless arguing. So Ash sighed dramatically and finally gave in, too exhausted to fight with him. While he was still eating, Eiji talked endlessly about the flight and all the things they would do in Japan, but Ash wasn't really paying attention for once. He was still tense and worried, watching the huge crowds of people around him suspiciously. Still, listening to Eiji talking so excitedly, looking at his brown eyes shimmering with pure happiness calmed Ash down and made him finally smile. Maybe Sing was right and sometimes good things just happened. Even to him?

After boarding the plane it took them a while to find their seats. Since their plane was a so-called Jumbo Jet, many people were trying to find their seats and trying to put away their personal belongings. Eiji noticed that Ash was nervous because people were constantly touching him accidentally when trying to find their seats or the flight attendants were moving past him to ensure all the overhead compartments were used and shut correctly. Eiji sighed in relief when they finally found their seats and they could escape all the chaos around them.

Ash took the seat by the window and was looking out of the window to distract himself. But that didn't work for long. Eiji could practically feel the nervousness radiating off of him. His eyes were darting frantically around to find the nearest exit or escape route as he always did.

Eiji had completely forgotten that this flight had to be his first time on such a big airplane. With so many people. All of them possible enemies targeting him. And with no means of escape. No wonder he was so anxious. He should have expected that. He could have punched himself for not considering that at an earlier point.

To Ash it had to feel like a prison with no means of escape if someone attacked them. The windows were impenetrable and Ash had to be scared and feeling locked up and completely helpless since he wasn't even allowed to bring a gun. Or any other kind of weapon. He saw him instinctively reach for the spot where his gun normally would have been. That move wasn't lost on Eiji. His whole body had tensed up and was practically screaming to get out of that iron death trap, probably wondering what he would do in case of a sudden attack... his hands were clenched into fists so tightly they were shaking and his knuckles had turned white from the effort.

Eiji placed his hand on Ash's trembling one. "Ash, slow down, ok? Everything's fine. We're safe. I promise." He looked sadly at Eiji. "Sorry, I can't help it. I do that automatically, as if on autopilot."

Ash tried to explain himself, still trembling slightly.

"I know and I don't blame you after all you've been through. But please try to relax, ok?", Eiji tried to calm him down.

After a moment he finally nodded, leaning back and closing his eyes. He was relaxing slightly. It was a start, at least. Eiji tried to relax as well and closed his eyes.

But when they were about to lift off Eiji felt a firm hold on his hand. He opened his eyes again and looked at Ash in surprise. Who stubbornly avoided his gaze and looked the other way out of the window. Stubborn brat, Eiji thought, slightly irritated. But then he noticed that Ash's hand was trembling again and he tightened the grip on his hand.

When they were finally in the air Ash's grip slowly loosened and his head drifted slowly to Eiji's right shoulder, sleeping soundly. Eiji couldn't help ruffling his blonde hair, but Ash was so deeply asleep he didn't notice at all. But he finally wore a relaxed expression on his face for once. And the tension had completely left his body. That idiot really slept right through the whole flight, his body finally catching up with the exhaustion from lack of sleep. And from worrying and overthinking things these last few days.

Eiji just woke him up a few times when meals or drinks were served and to convince him to get up once in a while to relax his legs from sitting all the time.

When he woke him up the last time, Ash just groaned "Eiji, can't you let me sleep for once, goddammit?", a still drowsy expression on his face. His whole composure radiated sleepy. It was cute. Until he began to talk. In a grumpy voice. And with a frown on his face.

Eiji just smiled at him anyway. "Turn around and look out of the window.", he simply told him.

"Why?", he mumbled, still half asleep.

"Just do it, Ash! You will regret it afterwards.", Eiji insisted.

"Fine." He reluctantly turned around to the window. Then his mouth fell open in surprise, his green eyes lighting up when seeing the dawn of a new day. And the biggest city he'd ever seen. "Is that ... Tokyo? We're ... here?", he asked in astonishment, turning back to Eiji, suddenly wide awake.

"Yeah, we are, sleepy head." The grumpy look returned. "Stop glaring at me like that, grumpy cat. Honestly, how can you sleep for 14 hours straight? The Lynx is really not more than a cat. Wild or not. Only waking up to eat, drink or walk lazily around.", Eiji teased him. "Though I have to admit your sleeping face is kinda cute." Ash frowned at that, asking worriedly "Didn't you sleep at all?"

"Don't worry. I did.", he reassured him. "But not 14 hours...", he teased him again. "I'll never hear the end of that, will I?", Ash asked, smirking at him. "No, never.", Eiji said, laughing.

So what's that tall tower over there? Ash asked to change the topic. "The Sky Tree Tower. It's a broadcasting and observation tower and the world's tallest tower." Eiji explained proudly.

Ash still looked at the bird's eye view of Tokyo in amazement. "Compared to Tokyo New York looks more like Cape Cod to me... I can't believe how huge Tokyo really is... Japan looks so small on a map...", he said, looking down like a little child with wide eyes glued to the window.

"You look much better now. You're not as pale anymore.", Eiji said, relief washing over him.

Ash just smiled at him, happiness sparkling in his green eyes for the first time. "You worry too much!", he replied, messing up Eiji's hair before facing the window again. "Thank you, Eiji."

Eiji leaned over to the window and showed him some other sights you were able to make out from the airplane. Ash just looked at all the sights Eiji pointed to and listened intently, completely relaxed for once while looking at Tokyo and all the skyscrapers and towers in fascination.

When the airplane shook due to some turbulences and Ash could see the runway closing in, he suddenly gripped Eiji's hand again. Since he refused to look at him, being the stubborn idiot that he was, he couldn't see Eiji's grinning face. Eiji just put his other arm around Ash's shoulder, whispering in his ear "日本へようこそ – Welcome to Japan"


	11. The Sun Also Rises

"It's nothing much. Compared to our hideout in New York...", Eiji said timidly while opening the door to their apartment. Eiji was still standing in the doorway, a trace of worry crossing his face when they entered their apartment for the first time. Following him inside, Ash smiled to himself. That was so typical Eiji. He had probably spent a lot of time looking for an apartment. Which couldn't have been easy from the US. And the only thing that mattered to him was if Ash liked it.

Ash walked around, taking a quick glance at every room. Compared the their fancy hideout in New York their apartment here wasn't exactly big, but it had a room for each of them, a living room, a kitchen and one of these typical Japanese bath rooms he had read about where the toilet and the shower were in different rooms. And they even had a balcony. One he wouldn't get shot at. Probably.

Ash came back, putting an arm around Eiji's shoulder. "It's perfect, Eiji.", his eyes lighting up with joy. "We definitely need more furniture, but the apartment is great. Thanks for arranging that. That must have been hard from New York." Ash frowned barely noticeably, his smile fading. "Sorry I wasn't any help."

Eiji smiled back at him, visibly relieved, the tension instantly leaving his body."It was nothing. Ibe and my mom helped me a lot." Ash just couldn't hide his smirk. Eiji was always too modest. He was sure those two had helped with the formalities or the paperwork, but most of the work had probably been done by Eiji himself. Knowing Eiji, he'd carefully choose an apartment for them, bearing in mind that Ash had never had a real home. So he had probably chosen their apartment with great care before renting it. That's why it was so important to Eiji that Ash liked it as well. But downplaying it as if he hadn't helped at all was totally Eiji.

"You worry too much, Eiji.", he said, ruffling his hair. "You know I didn't buy an 8 million dollar condo because I love luxury. Besides, I like this apartment much more. It's smaller, but it looks much more comfy. And if we've really moved in here, it will look even better." Eiji relaxed, his eyes shining with happiness. "Yeah, you're right, I'm sure it will."

When Eiji woke Ash up the next morning, he was blinking a few times at the sunlight streaming through the window. Since he was a heavy sleeper, Ash wasn't able to remember where he was right away. The unfamiliar room wasn't helping. Panic shot through him, making him suddenly shoot up, nearly colliding with Eiji's head in the process. Until he heard Eiji's voice.

"Ash, calm down, you're in Japan. You're safe, ok?", Eiji calmly reminded him, gripping his shoulder softly. Ash immediately relaxed when seeing Eiji.

"Sorry, I didn't know where I was for a moment.", he apologized, slowly sitting up on the edge of the makeshift bed, a hand covering his face.

"It's ok. You're safe here, I promise. I'm really glad that you're finally here, in Japan, with me.", Eiji reassured him while sitting next to him.

Complete surprise ran over Ash's face while looking at him, then his eyes flashed with relief for a second. "Yeah, me, too…", Ash said hesitantly, still half-asleep, letting himself fall onto the bed again.

Ash, don't go to sleep again.", Eiji scolded him softly. But Ash still saw the trace of a smile hushing over his face."Get up. We have to organize some things.", he said while trying to pull him back up again. And miserably failing.

"Like what?", Ash asked, yawning, but not getting up again. So Eiji lay down next to him.

"Like cleaning the apartment and buying some furniture. And don't you want to see the area where we'll be living from now on? I wanted to show you around Izumo.", Eiji explained patiently.

"Yeah, that sounds great.", Ash agreed, finally sitting up again. "But it's still so damn early, Eiji!", he whined.

Eiji looked at him intensely, shaking his head in disbelief. "Sometimes I wonder how you have survived this long in New York. All your enemies would have had to do was to attack you at 8 am and you'd be completely defenseless. Even I could attack you and succeed.", he said, smirking at him.

"Gangs operate at night, not in broad daylight. We operate from the shadows, using the darkness as cover. The day is for normal people like you.", Ash defended himself.

Eiji leaned closer. "You're a normal and ordinary person like me from now on. Rule number one: Normal people live during the day and sleep during the night."

"Normal life sucks then.", Ash sighed dramatically, then reluctantly drank from the cup Eiji had just handed him. "Shit! That's fucking disgusting! What the hell is that? Tastes as if Yut-Lung has poisoned it!", Ash exclaimed, suddenly wide awake. "Wow, it really worked. You're really awake. And here I always thought my mother was joking when she told me strong green tea would wake anyone up.", Eiji just sneered at him. Ash sighed dramatically and ran a hand through his messy blond hair. "If I get up and shower without dozing off again, will I at least get a strong coffee at a nearby café as a reward?, he groaned sleepily. And I insist on buying a damn coffee machine."

After they had some breakfast at a nearby café, they began walking through Izumo. It was relatively warm, much warmer than in New York at this time of year, with a fresh breeze in the air. Ash had always worried that a small town by the sea would remind him too much of Cape Cod, but Izumo had absolutely nothing in common with that American vacation spot. He was secretly relieved that Izumo looked, felt and smelled differently. Not only their surroundings, the whole area painted a quite contrasting image compared to the supposedly perfect world of white houses that was Cape Cod. Even the wind felt softer. It didn't feel nearly as harsh and strong as in Cape Cod. It was more like a relaxing breeze that actually felt good with these warm temperatures. When realizing that, Ash slowly relaxed and could finally concentrate on all the things Eiji showed him with a gleam of pride in his eyes.

Eiji showed him the surroundings of their apartment, the city center, the college and some of his favorite shops and cafés. Izumo was really like a completely new world to Ash. Exotic and strange, yet somehow beautiful and mysterious. Things were going a bit more slowly in Izumo. The atmosphere was calmer and not as hectic and intense as in New York. People here weren't rushing from one place to the other at lightning speed, but took their time to do their daily routine. The streets were nearly empty at this time of day, probably because it was a normal work day for most people. He really could imagine staying here. People looked at him a bit strangely, but with his blonde hair and green eyes that was to be expected. It was just as Eiji had described it to him. Quiet and peaceful. Safe. He was still on guard, looking around nervously at the beginning. But there was really nothing suspicious or slightly dangerous that drew his attention. Eventually he relaxed more and more.

While they were walking through Izumo, Eiji also showed him the street were his parents were still living.

"Eiji, why didn't your parents come pick you up at the airport? I thought your parents have worried a lot about you? It's not because of me, is it? You didn't want them to see – "

"Ash, stop it.", Eiji said angrily, interrupting him. "I would never ever be ashamed of you, ok?"

I just thought we would need a few days to get used to the time difference and to unpack and organize some things before seeing them.", he explained in a calmer voice. "And you would have been even more nervous if my whole family would have greeted us at the airport.", Eiji continued, smiling, pulling him instantly out of his dark thoughts. Well, Eiji had a point, Ash had to admit at least to himself.

Of course Eiji had only done if for his sake. He felt guilty for even doubting Eiji's pure motives. Again. But it was still a surprise to him that Eiji knew him so well. Just by looking at him. No explanation necessary. Eiji somehow always knew what was going on in his smart mind. Which he was extremely grateful for. Admitting emotions to himself and accept them was hard enough when you had suppressed them for so long. Admitting emotions to someone else was a nearly impossible task for him. It made him feel vulnerable and defenseless. Even if it was Eiji.

The thought of people like Eiji or Max just doing something for him just because they cared was a new concept he still had to get used to. For someone as paranoid and suspicious as him, it would probably take some time to get over his trust issues, he realized sadly.

While Eiji was talking, they had reached his school and Eiji showed him the field and the gym where he had trained. Ash looked at Eiji intensely, a worried look dawning on his face. Because Eiji's eyes had suddenly darkened slightly and there was a trace of pain in his eyes.

"You don't have to show me that, Eiji. Because it's obvious you don't like talking about it.", Ash said honestly.

"Yeah, you're right.", Eiji admitted, but then looked directly into his eyes. "But I don't want to hide things from you either. And if I stop now I'll probably never get the courage to tell you the whole story again." Ash nodded at him, understanding his reasoning.

"You don't know that, but my father has been lying in hospital for a long time. My mom started working because she had to support us. That's why I was really glad that I was a more or less talented pole-vaulter because it kept my mind off other things and I got a scholarship for college because of it. So I could go to college without getting my family into more financial trouble. Pole-vaulting was my way of escaping from the real world. When I pole-vaulted I was happy and forgot all my problems. Maybe it's true what you said. That I knew how to fly. When I was several meters up in the air I felt so happy and absolutely free and invincible. It lasted only a few seconds, but the feeling was still amazing. Absolutely unforgettable." A sad smile had appeared on Eiji's face while remembering that.

Unforgettable, huh? Ash smiled more to himself, remembering his jump in New York. That had been quite unforgettable as well. At least to him. A fact Eiji probably hadn't realized yet. "I've never told you that, Eiji, but the moment in New York where you jumped over that wall, I thought that's how pure freedom looked like. Being able to fly anywhere without any limits. You have no idea how much hope you gave me by jumping over that wall. You often told me I was strong and you admired my willpower and strength. But I think you have never realized that when you did that, you've also showed me what real courage is. Because in that moment I had practically given up, but you just refused to do the same, took immediate action and risked your life with that reckless jump to save some complete strangers you didn't even know. No one had ever done something so incredible for me before. I'll never ever forget how breathtaking it was seeing you jump like that."

When Ash finished he saw his hunch confirmed on Eiji's features which revealed pure surprise. As Ash had assumed, Eiji had never realized how much that jump had stunned him. That was the moment where he had begun to admire Eiji, to see that there was more to him than meets the eye…

"I – I really didn't know that meant so much to you. I didn't – ", Eiji stammered, completely flustered while his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. It was really cute when he looked like that.

"I just wanted you to know that.", he added quietly while looking away from him while pushing some blond strands out of his face.

"Thank you for telling me that. I guess I've never realized that it was such a big deal for you.", Eiji admitted honestly.

"It was the most dangerous, reckless and stupid thing anyone had ever done for me.

Thank you, Eiji. Your jump gave me hope I could free myself from my destiny and fly like you did, free from all the shackles that bound my life to my dark past, to Dino, that city and the syndicate. Eiji just smiled at him softly, holding onto his arm. "You can fly now as well, you know? You just convinced yourself that you can't for too long. Try again. Maybe you'll stumble at first, maybe you'll make a crash-landing, but in the end you'll make it." Ash's eyes lit up with hope for a moment. "Maybe you're right…"

Ash was really surprised about himself. He had probably never been so open and honest with anyone before. But Eiji had never hidden anything from him, had always been telling him the truth, even if he didn't want to hear it. When Eiji began to tell him the story that had probably hurt him the most, the first thought that had occurred to him was to stop him. But he could see in Eiji's sad eyes that he needed someone who would listen, someone who he could tell the whole story to. He had probably never told anyone before. Not all of it at least. He knew exactly how that felt like. Because when he had told Eiji the story about the events in Cape Cod and how he shot his abuser, Eiji hadn't judged him or reacted with disgust, as he had expected. Instead he had stayed and had comforted him, showing him that he wasn't alone. Ash had felt utterly relieved after telling Eiji the truth, especially when Eiji had reacted with compassion and worry instead of disgust and horror. And had stayed by his side even though he knew about his past. Maybe he could do the same for Eiji as well somehow? Or at least try?

They walked on along the school grounds in comfortable silence. Ash didn't want to push Eiji to continue his story. He knew from personal experience that some things were harder to say than others. So he wanted to give him the time he needed to tell him the rest. After a while Eiji finally continued with the worst part of his story.

"After my injury the doctor told me that it would be impossible to continue pole-vaulting on a professional level. Hearing that, my life just shattered into countless little pieces. I got really depressed because I had lost the only thing in my life that was really important to me at the time. That made me feel happy. Alive. That gave my life a meaning. Nothing in my life mattered anymore after that. I couldn't continue college either because I'd loose my scholarship the following semester at the latest. So why bother trying? So I just gave up. I had no perspective what to do with my life anymore. I felt completely useless and empty inside, like a complete failure. I just lost interest in all the things I used to care about. I also broke up all contact to my friends and just kept to myself. I just hated myself and my life.", Eiji explained sadly. "That's when Ibe saw me and told me that I couldn't continue like that. He told me that maybe a change of scenery would be good for me. And if I wanted to come to New York with him for a while.", he finally finished, looking up at him.

"Eiji, thank you for telling me that. Really." Ash touched his shoulder gently while giving him a grateful look. "I'm sorry I've never asked you about your life before coming to New York.", Ash said quietly, looking guiltily at him. "And I'm really sorry you had to go through all of that. That must have been hard for you. But I'm not sorry you came to New York.", Ash admitted honestly.

Eiji's eyes brightened instantly. "Neither am I. I've met you after all. And many other great people."

"But what do you want to do now that you're here again? Doesn't all of this remind you of… what happened? Before you came to New York?", Ash asked, a frown emerging on his forehead. "What if you get depressed again after coming back here?"

"That won't be happening.", Eiji told him with steadfast determination echoing in his voice. "I'm happy now. Because you are here with me. I'm not alone anymore."

Ash could practically feel the faint blush spreading across his cheeks, but he couldn't look away from him now. He still wasn't fully convinced that Eiji would be fine.

"But what if…?", Ash started, his green eyes darkening again with worry.

"I have you.", Eiji said with complete confidence. Ash had to smile despite himself, his eyes brightening again. It sounded so simple. But he saw in Eiji's warm eyes that he truly believed that.

"But what can I even do?", Ash asked sadly.

_You are always there to help me. But I never do anything for you in return. With all my emotional baggage and traumatic experiences, how can I ever help or support __you__…?_

"Just stay by my side. That's enough. I know you don't fully understand that yet, Ash, but I need you as well.", Eiji clarified, taking his hand. Ash just stared at him wide-eyed, surprise all over his face. But he didn't pull back. At first he wanted to, but that small gesture felt … he didn't even know how to describe it. It somehow just felt… right? As if they belonged together, inseparable. It was such a small gesture, but Ash realized in that moment that he really wasn't alone anymore. That Eiji really wanted him to stay. _Forever._ That simple touch of their hands sent a new warmth spreading through his body. He had no idea what that feeling was, but it felt great. It made him feel special. Especially when Eiji was smiling at him like that, a smile reflecting pure happiness as if he was the only person who mattered to him… So he finally gripped Eiji's hand as well, smiling shyly back at him.

With Eiji he felt as if he had found a real home for the first time, a place where he belonged and was accepted just as he was, even with all his emotional scars, his traumatic experiences, his nightmares and his suffering. A comfortable place that was safe and warm where he could always return to. Even if that place was in another, completely foreign world where he couldn't even understand the language. Yet. Maybe Eiji was right and everything would work out as long as they were together? He tightened the hold on his hand.

_Sometimes home is not a place, but a person._

Max had told him that once in New York, but at the time he hadn't understood what he had meant by that. Until now.

"So what are you going to do now?", Ash asked after they were heading back to their apartment again.

"I want to finish college and my parents agree with that. But I probably won't get financial aid after taking a break for more than one year and a scholarship it out of the question. And I don't want to be a burden on my family.", Eiji explained sadly.

"Then don't.", Ash simply said. "I'll pay for it. I still have Dino's money."

"No, Ash, you can't! I can't accept that! Do you know how much college fees are until I'm finished?", Eiji exclaimed, his eyes drowning in worry and guilt.

Eiji knew exactly how he felt about Dino's money. That he didn't want to rely on dirty money that had been gained by abusing and killing people. Especially kids like him. He had stolen it in order to hurt and weaken Dino and his syndicate, not because he intended to spend that money. He had no problems spending it for a hideout, weapons and other things helping him destroying Dino and Foxx. But he didn't want to use it for his personal use. Using that bloodstained money would make him feel dirty and disgusting. It would make him feel ashamed of himself. Because of that money he had suffered through unimaginable pain and agony half of his life. Only because Dino wanted to make even more money by using, destroying and killing kids like him. Using that filthy money tainted with blood of innocent kids was a kick in the face of all those victims who had died because of Dino. He had just kept the money as a last resort. He didn't know what to do with it yet. Maybe he'd just donate it anonymously to organizations that were helping kids like him…

But it was something different if it was helping Eiji and his family.

"Probably not more than 80 million US dollars?", Ash grinned at him. "Because that's how much money we have left. So why not spend it on something useful? Besides, you saved my life. More than once. After everything you've done for me that's the least I can do. I've understood by now that Japanese people aren't exactly good at accepting help from others, but make an exception this time, ok? For me?", Ash asked, winking at him. A faint blush spread across Eiji's face before the wrinkles on his forehead appeared again.

"But can you even access the money from Japan?"

He grinned wickedly. "I'm an evil mastermind, remember? The money's naturally under a fake name and the off shore account is well-hidden. But I can access it online anytime. It's dirty money, so I don't want to rely on it for my daily living expenses. But if it's helping you, I don't mind using it.", Ash explained rationally.

"I hate it when you come up with reasonable arguments I can't argue against.", Eiji admitted reluctantly, crossing his arms. "Are you really sure?"

Ash just nodded. "I take that as a yes then.", Ash smirked at him.

Eiji sighed, apparently finally giving up. "You have that stubborn look on your face that tells me you won't accept no for an answer."After a moment, he asked "But what about you? What do you want to do?"

"I guess I'll have to learn Japanese first. And maybe find a part-time job or something like that at the beginning. It would help keep me busy, get money and improve my Japanese skills."

"The college offers Japanese courses, that's easy. But a part-time job will be more difficult. But we'll find a way.", Eiji assured him.

In the afternoon they were busy setting up their apartment, cleaning it, taking the measurements of all the rooms and buying furniture. Ash had actually fun doing that because it kept his smart mind busy. Ash was surprised how easy everything worked out between them. Despite their bickering and their sarcastic remarks that Ash silently loved, they mostly agreed on the most important things. Being with Eiji was just so easy. He loved how Eiji's face always betrayed him when they were discussing something. How he always beamed at him when they were thinking the same thing or agreeing on something. And how his forehead got that tiny frown and his eyes darkened slightly to a chestnut brown when they didn't. How his eyes widened with unhidden surprise when he had told Eiji he didn't take notes of the measurements because he naturally remembered them all perfectly.

After returning Eiji cleaned the kitchen and all the things they had bought, put them away in different shelves or cupboards and installed the coffee machine, Ash put up a table and a few shelves for their living room without breaking a sweat before cleaning the living room as well. Luckily the kitchen was one of the few things they were able to purchase from the previous owner.

A few days later the rest of their furniture was delivered, so their apartment finally felt comfortable and cozy. Ash and Eiji celebrated by enjoying a rather warm spring evening on their balcony with a few beers, enjoying the soft evening breeze. Ash was a bit worried at first, still remembering the scene in New York where Eiji got shot through a window, but slowly relaxed when Eiji took his hand. Living in a peaceful word was what he had wished for, but he still had to get used to the deafening silence and the calm and relaxing atmosphere surrounding him. To someone like him who had been taught always to assume the worst, it felt like the calm before a storm. As if something terrible would happen later when he least expected it. The mere thought scared him to death.

For the first time in his life he was truly happy. So much that it hurt. Because he was so fucking afraid that it wouldn't last. There were moments where he just wanted to escape. To run away from it all. To make sure he couldn't hurt Eiji anymore. His greatest fear was that he somehow put Eiji in danger or that his enemies would find him eventually.

But his fears just dissolved into nothingness every time he looked into Eiji's warm eyes, full of compassion, honesty and comfort. They always pulled him out of his dark thoughts. He could just drown in these eyes. They were like a ray of sunshine at the end of a pitch black tunnel that gave him a glimmer of hope to escape the eternal darkness surrounding him. Maybe he really deserved a happy life as Eiji has already told him so many times? He really wanted to believe that. But it was still hard for him to accept that. But at least he was trying, Eiji always reminded him. Maybe that was enough for now…

After a while, it got chilly on their balcony, so Ash sat on the sofa reading one of his books while Eiji looked through the mountain of photos he had printed out. After a while he walked over to him and sat beside him. "Did you really have to print all of them? You could have just saved them to a SD card or something.", Ash asked curiously. "How many photos did you take? 3000?"

"Probably more. Of course I have saved them all to a SD card as well. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to have physical copies of my photos. And those are just the best ones, only 200 or so. I need to hand in a photo project to enroll at college again. I also wanted to use some of these for it.

Eiji looked through the rest together with Ash who was impressed how many photos Eiji had taken of all the places they'd been to. But especially from him and his gang. Unlike the photos of his abusers, Eiji's photos were full of life and mirrored Eiji's pure and innocent look of the world. It made them look special and gave them a unique feeling.

Suddenly, he saw a photo that had piqued his interest. He picked it up. "When did you take that? I can't even remember when that was…", Ash wondered, more speaking to himself while staring at the photo in amazement. It was a photo where were both of them were sitting on a sofa. Eiji sat on the right edge of the sofa while Ash leaned on him, sleeping soundly. His head was resting on Eiji's shoulder, a smile playing on his lips, some strands of his blond hair having fallen over his eyes. Eiji had put an arm protectively around his shoulder, smiling at the camera.

"Oh, that one must have been shortly after we escaped from Dino's mansion. That was one of the evenings when we enjoyed a quiet evening alone for once and watched some movie. After 15 minutes of watching it your head dropped on my shoulder sleeping soundly. Ash stared at the photo for a long time, a deep frown emerging on his face. Apparently Eiji thought Ash was annoyed because he said "I'm sorry, Ash, I probably should have asked you… But I didn't want to wake you up."

Why?", Ash asked him while still staring at the photo intensely.

"Your face looked so peaceful. I just couldn't do it. At that moment I promised myself to protect you. Always."

"I can protect m – ", Ash began, glaring at him.

"I know that.", Eiji said, taking his hand again. "But that doesn't mean I want to protect you any less.", Eiji tried to explain while looking at the photo as well. "I took that photo because I loved that relaxed expression on your face. I wanted that moment of peace to last forever. Frozen in time. Especially for you. That's why I took that picture. Are you angry?", he asked, his voice resonating with a hint of worry.

"No, why would you think that?", Ash exclaimed slightly irritated, looking directly at him.

"Your face looked kind of weird. You haven't stopped staring at the picture. You were burning holes into it.", Eiji clarified.

"Oh. I just … didn't know I could look like that…" He hesitated for a moment. "So … at ease, so, I don't know, happy? Vulnerable? I wasn't sure that's really me in the photo. I look like a completely different person. Not like a ruthless gang leader or a killer devoid of any emotions. I … I look like a teenager, so small and fragile. I'm still not sure that's me…", he tried to explain.", still staring at the photo in disbelief.

Eiji's eyes filling with sadness while boring into his hurt more than any stab wound ever could. "Ash, you are a teenager. But never a killer. Please stop saying that about yourself. It makes me angry and sad. Because it's not true." He pointed at the picture again. "You see that smile on your lips and your head resting on my shoulder? Leaning on me? That's who you really are. Someone who's kind and always caring for those around him. Who just needs a shoulder to lean on sometimes. Someone he can trust. A place or a person where he can rest peacefully, where he feels safe and protected. Ash smiled at him. "Yeah, maybe you're right. It's just hard for me to forget what people have said about me all my life. If you hear that long enough you start believing it eventually."

"Maybe you should keep that photo. It will remind you of the kind person you really are. Look at it when you doubt yourself again.", Eiji suggested, handing him back the photo.

"Ok. Thank you. I'll keep it."

Eiji kept looking at the rest of the photos for a while longer sorting them into different piles.

Ash watched him, but lost interest after a while. He was so damn tired because Eiji always forced him to get up early, telling him he had to get up for language courses or work as well and he should get used to it. He could be really relentless as well…

Ash let his head drop on Eiji's shoulder, leaning closer. Eiji looked up in surprise, then a smile spread across his face. "You shouldn't sleep that way, it can't be comfortable."

"It looked really comfortable in the photo. I just wondered if it's really so relaxing to sleep on your shoulder.", Ash told him, yawning.

"And?", Eiji asked curiously, putting a hand around his shoulder exactly like in the photo. "Is it?", Eiji asked curiously.

But Ash was already sleeping soundly, a small smile lingering on his face. Eiji just grinned, shaking his head slightly, grabbed his phone and took a photo. He'd written a title beneath it.

おかえり – Welcome home.


	12. Family

"But what if your family doesn't like me?"

Ash was standing in front of a mirror, trying to smooth down his messy blonde hair. Eiji just watched him with an amused look on his face. The notorious gang leader was fumbling with some strands of his hair sticking out at his sides, trying to arrange them in a more decent style , but miserably failing. Eiji had to grin when he thought about the irony. That Ash had practically ruled New York's underworld with cold-blooded leadership and iron willpower, scaring people to death with one intense glare only. But here he was, scared of his ordinary and definitely harmless family.

The Ash standing there wasn't a ruthless gang leader anymore, but a normal teenager who worried he couldn't impress Eiji's family. He hid it well, but Eiji could still see his hands trembling barely noticeably and there was a tiny shadow darkening his green eyes. Seeing that Eiji couldn't help but ruffle his blonde hair affectionately.

"Fuck, Eiji. Now I look as if I've just gotten out of bed!", Ash complained, but he couldn't hide the small glint in his green eyes.

"That's because you did just get out of bed, sleepyhead.", Eiji reminded him smugly.

"But I have to admit, I'm impressed that you actually found jeans that look brand new and aren't torn anywhere. And your t-shirt looks new as well. Where did you even get those?", he asked him curiously. "I've never seen them before."

"My _dad_.", Ash replied, stressing the last word longer than necessary, a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

"The old man insisted to buy me some clothes to take with me to Japan. Since I couldn't just return to our hideout in New York to grab a few things…", he clarified.

"He said the least his _son_ could do to thank him was to dress nicer. More like you. I told him that we have a deal as long as I can keep wearing jeans and t-shirts. But damn him, look at me.", making one swift motion with his hand from top to bottom. "I look like a model from the cover of one of Jessica's dumb magazines.", Ash complained, but there was no real strength behind it. Eiji knew Ash secretly loved Max for worrying about him. Ash loved how Max treated him like his own son, but was still too stubborn to admit that. But Eiji saw it in his eyes which had brightened instantly when he had mentioned Max's name.

"You should thank him. Jessica, too. These clothes look really great on you. Knowing Max's questionable taste in clothes, Jessica probably played a significant part in choosing them. But I think I should be insulted that you haven't worn them in front of me before."

"That's because I've forgotten about them. They look too neat and expensive. I feel weird in them. And they're too tight. I prefer my clothes to be more comfortable. I feel like I'm wearing your sister's skinny jeans. Eiji laughed at that.

"Ash, ", Eiji began in a soft tone. He came closer and watched him intensely while tucking some of his blonde strands behind his ear. "You look really handsome in those clothes. And that t-shirt totally brings out your green eyes. You should wear them more often." A faint blush spread across Ash's face as he looked away from him stubbornly.

Eiji grinned, but then he turned to him, suddenly serious again.

"Ash, you know that's Max's way of taking care of you, right? He worries about you. Have you even called him since coming to Japan?"

"No.", Ash admitted reluctantly, running a hand through his hair, avoiding his gaze.

"Ash, that's really rude after all he has done for you. He saved your life, Ash. Call him. Tell him how you're doing. How you like Japan. You owe him that at least."

"Fine, you're right. I'll call him.", Ash said reluctantly.

"Great! Now, come on or we're gonna be late.", Eiji reminded him impatiently while he took his hand and dragged him to the door. When he saw his uneasy smile, he put an arm around his shoulder, trying to reassure him.

"Ash, my mother and sister know what you look like. They've seen some pictures of you. Just be yourself, ok? My mother is strict, but she's a good-natured and kind person. Don't outright lie to her and you'll be fine.", Eiji told him honestly while they were walking through Izumo to Eiji's parents. His parents lived only a few minutes away in a small house.

Eiji wanted to tell his mom about New York, but leaving some things out wasn't exactly lying, right? At least he told himself that over and over again. So Ash and Eiji had decided to just skip over the most dangerous parts. His mother would be terrified if she knew he had used a gun and had actually shot people. That he had been kidnapped several times and had seen people die directly in front of him. His family would either be overprotective and never let him leave the house again or think he'd gone insane. He wondered which option was the better one. And besides, one person who was acting too overprotective towards him was more than enough, he thought while glancing at Ash from the side.

"What about your sister?", Ash asked curiously.

"Hana already adores you. She'll probably faint if she sees you in person. She is convinced that you have to be a celebrity in the US with your looks."

Ash grinned at that. "She's not entirely wrong. I was kind of famous. Or rather infamous."

"Please don't tell her that. You'll just encourage her obsession with you.", Eiji pleaded, but smiled as well.

"When Hana saw a photo of you, her only comment was: '_How in the world did you meet someone like HIM?!' _ Told you she isn't cute.", Eiji complained to him.

Ash grinned at that. "I still bet your sister is cute. She has to be if she's related to you.", he told him in a playful tone.

A faint blush spread across Eiji's cheeks. "You look really cute when you're blushing like that.", he teased him, obviously trying to hide his own nervousness in front of him.

Eiji feigned annoyance, but the truth was that he felt as nervous as Ash. His mother had been pretty angry when he had told her on the phone he wouldn't come home for some time after Ash had nearly died. Of course, she had just been worried about him. Which was understandable after he himself had been injured pretty badly and had also been dangerously close to dying. He owed her an explanation. A real one. About how he had gotten shot at least. But he could never tell her the whole truth. So Ash and he had decided they'd tell his family the short "official" version they told most people here. A half-truth, so to speak.

When they had entered and had taken off their shoes, Eiji's mother came from the kitchen and hugged her son. "Eiji, welcome home, it's so good to see you." Then she pulled back and looked at him more closely. You look great. But are you really fine?", she asked worriedly. Eiji just smiled at her. "I'm fine, mom. Don't worry. I'll tell you more later. I promise. This is Ash."

Ash greeted his mother in Japanese. His mother looked surprised, then she smiled and replied in Japanese as well. After that she switched to English again.

"Welcome, Ash. I've heard so much about you. Come in.", she said with a heavy accent. "Your Japanese was pretty good just now."

Eiji was not any less surprised. He had taught him some basic sentences, but not how to greet his family in Japanese. Ash winked at him when he noticed Eiji's dumbfounded expression.

"Eiji, why don't you show Ash around the house? I need another 15 minutes until we can eat.", his mother suggested.

So Eiji showed him the living room, the kitchen, the small porch and the little but beautiful garden. He also explained that while their parents lived on this floor, the room of his sister and himself were on the first floor.

"Come on, I'll show you the first floor. There's really only my own room left. Hana will kill me if I let anyone see her room. She's still in school. You'll meet her later."

If Eiji was perfectly honest with himself, he didn't really want to enter his own room. His mother had probably left it as it had been before. It was kind of like going back in time, time traveling to a moment he preferred not to remember. But at the same time he was curious himself because he didn't remember how he had left his room before going to New York. Ash saw him hesitating slightly, watching him carefully, his forehead furrowing with worry for a moment.

Finally Eiji got the courage to open the door, entering first. Ash was following him inside, looking curiously around as if he wanted to grasp everything about Eiji's life before he had met him. "It looks exactly as I have imagined it", Ash said more to himself, half-smiling, pulling Eiji out of his thoughts.

"How did you imagine it?", Eiji asked curiously, standing beside him. "My room in New York has always looked practical. I sometimes had to move quickly and therefore took only necessary things with me, so it mostly felt empty and cold. A hideout, not a home." Ash looked sadly at him. But then he cracked a smile.

"But I've always imagined your room would look as if you had lived in a real home where you felt safe, protected and loved. A place giving off a warm feeling and decorated with things you love, cute decorations, photos from your childhood and stuff like that.", Ash clarified, smiling at him. Slightly embarrassed, Eiji looked shyly at him.

Besides the bed, the shelves, a wardrobe and a desk, Eiji's room was indeed decorated with warm colors and cute things and toys from his childhood. Many pictures of friends and teammates from his school days and his pole vault team from college were hanging everywhere as well as posters from his favorite bands and TV shows. There was also the framed picture still standing on a shelf Ibe had won his photo competition with. The picture where Eiji was pole vaulting, still high in the air with a completely happy and relaxed expression on his face. Next to it were hanging a lot of medals Eiji had won at various pole vault competitions. "Wow, you really had amazing talent…", Ash said, looking at the medals more closely, but suddenly stopped in his tracks, probably because he had realized how quiet Eiji had become next to him. Without realizing it Eiji had turned away from all those memories of his pole-vaulting days. He had forgotten how much those memories still hurt. He had hoped he could handle it better now. When so much time had already passed. Believing that incident wouldn't effect him anymore. That he had overcome all of that. But now he realized that he had just been running away from it all. Never even trying to come to terms with it.

It felt as if all the emotions he had suppressed or denied before going to New York were crushing down on him now, all at once. Sadness, pain, hurt, despair, emptiness, self-loathing, worthlessness, solitude, resignation, hopelessness. He actually flinched when Ash placed a hand on his trembling shoulder asking if he was alright. Ash pulled back instantly, as if burnt. Eiji wanted to hide his tears from Ash, not wanting Ash to see him like that. So pathetic. He desperately wanted to stop the tears, sobbing quietly, hoping Ash wouldn't notice. But then Ash did something he had never done before, completely taking Eiji by surprise. Ash took his hand and kindly forced him to turn around and face him. Eiji was so stunned, he didn't know how to react at all. Ash never initiated physical touch first, he always responded and returned it, but he had never been the one who started gestures like that. Ash had probably noticed that he didn't feel comfortable being here. Even if Ash was not good at displaying emotions, it always surprised Eiji how well Ash knew him, noticing even the slightest changes in his behavior. When Eiji finally faced him, Ash's eyes were flooded with worry while he looked directly into his tear-filled eyes that looked probably devastatingly sad.

"It's nothing, I'm f –", Eiji began, but even he could hear his voice cracking.

"Eiji, you're not fine!", Ash exclaimed angrily. But Eiji could see the worry reflected in his eyes as well as in his clenched fists.. "Sorry for yelling at you.", he apologized instantly, his thumbs gently wiping the tears on his cheeks away. Then, after hesitating slightly, his hand trembling a tiny bit, he put an arm around his shoulders, slowly hugging him. Eiji immediately returned the hug, gripping his back probably too tightly and began sobbing into his chest. He felt Ash relaxing immediately at his touch before Ash stroked his hair and put the other arm around his back. After a while, Eiji slowly calmed down. "Thanks, Ash. I think seeing all of that overwhelmed me a bit. I'm feeling better now.", Eiji tried to reassure him, smiling sadly. Ash slowly let go of him, but still watched him intently. "You don't want to be here, do you? Do you want to leave?", Ash asked, a small frown appearing on his forehead.

Eiji just nodded thankfully and Ash grabbed his hand gently before dragging him out of the room.

Ash and Eiji helped Eiji's mother a bit with lunch and they ate together while telling her about New York. The censored version. How Ibe wanted to meet Max and had to learn he was in prison. How Ash met Eiji and thought he was much younger than him and was asking him if people in Japan offered jobs to kids these days.

His mother smiled at that. "Japanese people always look younger, but Eiji pushes that to new limits. Most people think that Eiji is the younger one and Hana's the older one."

"Ibe will also be back soon.", Eiji told her. "He didn't know exactly when and told me he'd call you when he knew the exact date. "He's working on an article with Max in New York."

"Max – ? You mean the journalist you told me about?", she asked.

Yes, he's Ibe's friend. The one who was in prison when we arrived." His mother's brows furrowed at that. "He's not a bad guy, he's just a bit hot-headed sometimes.", Eiji assured her when he saw her concerned face. "He has promised us to come and visit. Especially Ash. He's kind of Ash's dad.", Eiji explained.

"Or at least he acts that way.", Ash added. "But he saved my life. And he helped us a lot in New York.", he said honestly. His mother's features relaxed again, obviously relieved.

"Then I should probably invite him as well when Ibe comes here.", his mother said. "To thank him."

When they were finished with lunch and they had cleaned the table, Eiji's mother sat down again. They showed her some photos of New York, Cape Cod, L.A. and some other places on Eiji's tablet and he told her about all the people they had met during their stay like Jenkins and Charlie, Shorter and Sing, Max, Jessica and their son Michael… She regarded everything with great interest, but frowned at Shorter's Mohawk, but that was to be expected. But hiding Shorter's photos would be an insult to Shorter's memory, so they had decided to include them. But they didn't tell his mother that he had died.

"Seems like you met some really interesting people in New York. And you've been to so many great places."

Eiji looked at his mother and smiled knowingly. "You could say that. Thanks for letting me go there with Ibe."

When they had ended, there was an awkward silence between them for a moment.. Then pure determination overpowered his mother's eyes while looking at them, making Eiji feel immediately like a naughty child caught in the act of doing something bad. Then she finally started her kind interrogation, her face radiating curiosity and concern at the same time.

"So, will you tell me at least the rough version of what happened in New York? I think I deserve to know how my son got shot.", his mother asked them.

Ash and Eiji both flinched slightly at that, sharing a quick glance with each other.

"I understand.", Ash said honestly. "What do you want to know?"

"Did you have anything to do with Eiji getting shot?", she asked.

Eiji was surprised. Normally his mother wasn't so blunt. She normally asked in a more polite or subtle way or let the end of a sentence hang heavily in the air. But she had probably realized her only chance to get answers was now, before Hana would show up. Eiji knew she would never ask those questions in front of her.

"Yes. It was my fault.", Ash admitted guiltily, looking down at his hands.

"No, it wasn't. Ash, stop saying that!", Eiji glared at him angrily.

"So? Then you tell me what exactly happened, Eiji.", his mother insisted softly.

"Ash was in danger and I protected him.", Eiji simply said. When his mother shot him a questioning look, he elaborated further.

"By pushing him out of harm's way."

"And taking the bullet for him?", his mother asked incredulously, all color draining from her face at once.

"Yes.", Eiji admitted honestly. No point in denying it now. Or downplaying it. Eiji wanted to tell his mother the truth, at least regarding his injury. Even though he knew she'd be shocked and wouldn't like it.

"Ok, I think I prefer not to know anything else… I have a feeling that it's better if I don't know all the details.", his mother sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"I honestly don't know if I should be proud of you or if I should give you a telling-off about how stupid that was.", his mother finally admitted after a moment of silence while shaking her head in utter disbelief at her son.

"Don't bother. Ash has already done that. Plenty of times."

"Unfortunately it doesn't seem to have any effect on Eiji.", Ash sighed in resignation while glancing at him from the side. His mother turned to him, really looking intensely at Ash for the very first time.

"Ash, I would like to ask you some questions. And I would like an honest answer." Ash just looked at her, then nodded.

"Ash, I know that you really care for Eiji. I can see that. And you seem to be really nice. But there's a darkness in your eyes that tells me that there's more to you than what I see at first sight. So what you want to do here in Japan?"

"I want to live here. With Eiji. I'm going to learn Japanese at a language school. Maybe get a part-time job at the beginning.", Ash explained. "That sounds reasonable.", his mother agreed.

"And I'll continue college and finish my studies.", Eiji added. "Don't worry, my college fees have already been taken care of.", Eiji said, exchanging a knowing glance with Ash.

"My adoptive father died and I've gotten some money from him. Enough to pay for that and to have some savings left.", Ash explained patiently. "It was my way of thanking Eiji to take me to Japan. I've learned that his father is sick and that you'd probably have difficulties paying the college fees."

Eiji smiled. The way he had formulated it it wasn't an outright lie. It was stretching the truth a bit. But Dino did die. And Ash got the money from him. In a way. Although Dino didn't give it to him voluntarily… But his mother didn't need to know that…

"That is very kind of you, Ash.", Eiji's mother assured him. And I'm really grateful that my son means so much to you that you're willing to do that. Thank you. That really helps a lot.", Eiji's mother said warmly. Ash looked at her awkwardly, obviously feeling uncomfortable. He wasn't used to people being grateful to him. His mother noticed that, too, changing the topic.

"I have to ask you a final question, Ash. You probably understand that I want to make sure that my son is safe with you." Ash nodded at her, understanding her reasoning.

"So do you plan to put Eiji in danger again?", she asked him seriously.

"No, I would never do that!, Ash exclaimed angrily while his green eyes flared up dangerously. Eiji took his hand to calm him down when he saw his mother actually flinch.

"I just want to live here with Eiji. Have a normal life.", Ash answered honestly in a calmer tone, his eyes darkening slightly.

"You say that as if you've never had a normal life before.", his mother replied, looking at her son questioningly. Eiji just shook his head, signaling her not to ask for more.

"I didn't. I've never had a real family. My mother ran away after I was born and my father didn't care for me at all. If it weren't for my half-brother I would have starved to death. But he also died.", Ash explained sadly.

"I see. I'm so sorry, Ash.", she said, placing a hand on his. Ash's eyes widened and he looked up at her in surprise. "So you came here to start a new life.", his mother finished. Ash nodded at her.

"I promise I'll never hurt him again. I just wanted to leave my old life behind me.", Ash continued.

"You're a good person. Your eyes are telling me that your life hasn't always been easy, but there's also kindness there. And I like your honesty, Ash. Then she looked at her son. "And you obviously make Eiji happy. I've never seen him so cheerful and relaxed before. Thank you, Ash.", she finished, smiling at him warmly.

Why are you thanking me?", Ash asked in confusion, flustered all of a sudden.

"I haven't done anything.", he told her, a flush of embarrassment running over his features before he looked away from her.

"I don't think that's true, Ash.", Eiji's mother replied, her eyes radiating kindness. "I don't know exactly what happened in New York. Ibe has just told me that New York isn't safe at the moment. But according to the news New York is quite a dangerous place right now. So I'm sure that what Eiji does for you here, you did for him in New York as well. You gave him a home, a place where he felt safe. Maybe you even protected him?", Eiji's mother asked while looking at Eiji for confirmation.

Ash just stared at her incredulously. "I – "

Eiji looked at Ash, then his mother. "You're right. He did protect me. And he also gave me a home.", Eiji confirmed, smiling. "He's the reason I'm here now. Alive."

"That's what I thought.", she told them. "Ash, promise me to take care of my son. He can be a bit too innocent sometimes."

"I know what you mean." Ash gave her a knowing look, a half-smile emerging on his face. "I promise." Eiji rolled his eyes at both of them, feeling as if he was 8 years old. At most. But he was secretly relieved that his mother was so understanding. She had probably noticed that Ash had led a much harder life than he did. She had always been good at reading people.

"Thanks for being so understanding. I wish I would have grown up with a mother like you.", Ash told her, quickly wiping away a tear that was running down his face. Eiji just smiled at both of them.

Eiji's mother was so dumbfounded she was at a loss for words, her eyes widening with surprise.

Luckily that was the very moment Hana returned, entering the living room. Pure joy was lighting up Eiji's eyes as he walked over and hugged her tightly.

"Hana! It's so good to see you again. You've really grown a lot.", he smiled at her, letting go of her again after a moment. "Your hair is longer. Looks good on you.", he greeted her warmly.

"It's good to see you, too. I've missed you, Eiji!", Hana said, smiling.

"Then Hana lowered her voice. "So my love charm worked, huh?", she asked, winking at him. Eiji rolled his eyes. Of course, that would be the only thing that mattered to her. He would never tell her that, but a safety charm would have probably been more helpful… If only she knew…

"It did, you airhead. I just don't know if I should be mad or thank you.", Eiji replied with a smirk.

"But you're really ok, right?", Hana asked, suddenly serious again, concern clouding her eyes and a frown emerging on her forehead.

"I'm fine. My wound has completely healed. I'll go to college again soon.", Eiji assured her.

"That's great!", exclaimed Hana happily. "Mom worried a lot about you. Especially if you would return to college again.", she told him seriously. "Can I see your place sometime?", she asked curiously.

"Of course. You're welcome anytime.", Eiji assured her warmly. Meanwhile Ash had walked over to them, wanting to greet Hana as well.

"Hana, this is Ash.", he introduced him.

Ash greeted her, but she was just staring at him blankly, her eyes widening in surprise, frozen up for an instant too long to be still considered polite. Ash looked at Eiji, then back at Hana. "I thought you were kidding when you said she would faint.", he said in a low voice.

"I told you she admires you. She's your biggest fan. Give her a moment.", Eiji whispered back to Ash, grinning. After a moment she pulled herself together, her face flushed with embarrassment.

"Uhm, I'm so sorry, I must have spaced out. I'm Hana, Eiji's sister.", she stammered, but quickly caught herself again. "It's just that I've never seen such golden hair and green eyes before. You look like a famous actor or a super model. How did someone as plain as Eiji meet someone like you?", she asked curiously, chattering away too fast to hide her nervousness. It was cute.

"We met while I assisted Ibe on his job.", Eiji explained honestly.

"Yeah, he's right. And I'm not famous in any way, sorry to disappoint you.", Ash said, smiling at her.

"So, will you finally show me some photos of New York now? And America?", Hana asked, her brown eyes practically sparkling.

Ash cast a quick glance at Eiji who just shrugged as if telling him _Told you so._

"Sure.", Ash nodded, following her. But Hana had already grabbed Ash's hand, dragging him back to the living room. Eiji followed them, smiling to himself.

Poor Ash would be bombarded with questions about New York and America. He wondered if Ash still thought that his sister was cute after her thorough questioning. Probably made an NYPD questioning with Jenkins and Charlie look like a relaxing evening in front of the TV.

Eiji followed them quietly, standing next to Ash while watching Hana. "I guess you've really grown up, patting her head affectionately. "Stop that, it's embarrassing!", her face flushing bright red. "I'm not a child anymore. I'm even taller than you.", she told him, glaring at Eiji in annoyance.

But when Ash began laughing while watching them, her features softened and a shy smile crossed her face. Eiji was secretly relieved because Ash's smile had been genuine, not faked at all. It even reached his eyes, making them shine like emeralds and lighting his whole face up. He saw that smile on Ash's face more often now and tried to find ways to see it again.

"You should always take good care of each other. Eiji loves you a lot, he told me about you." Then he looked sideways at Eiji before turning back to Hana.

"Although he told me you weren't cute.", grinning at her.

"So you told people you have a little sister who isn't cute?", she complained while shooting Eiji a death glare. "Thanks, that's really nice, Eiji.", Hana answered sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, I can totally see how much he loves me.", she sneered, turning around to Ash again.

"Don't worry, I didn't believe him.", he said, winking at her. Hana blushed instantly, looking away from him stubbornly. Ash just chuckled.

"If you ever need help with your English homework, tell me.", Ash offered her honestly.

"Really?", she beamed at him with shining eyes. "You mean it?"

"Of course.", he said, smirking at Eiji. "Your brother can't help you. His English is … let's just say there's some room for improvement..."

Hana grinned at that. "Doesn't surprise me. The most intellectual literature he has ever read were mangas. The vocabulary in those is somewhat limited."

"I can see that. He read them in New York as well.", Ash grinned.

"Only because you always stole the newspaper from me.", Eiji complained, glaring at him.

"Because it took you forever reading it.", Ash explained with a smug look on his face.", obviously enjoying himself way too much. Eiji just glared at him, but had as much fun as Ash did.

Hana watched their bickering with amusement, then shot a knowing glance at Eiji. Who returned the look instantly. Ash stood there with a confused look on his face, obviously lost.

"So what about we show you some photos of New York?", Eiji began. "And Ash can answer your questions."

Hana beamed at Ash. "Really?"

Then she was shooting so many questions at them at lightning fast speed that even Ash could barely keep up, looking back at Eiji for help, but he just grinned at him while he tried to answer her questions.

"Eiji handed Ash his tablet. "I put most of the photos on there."

"So, let's see…" Ash scrolled through the photos "Oh, here are some good photos of New York. Your brother is a really talented photographer." He showed her some photos.

"Do you know where this is?", he asked her.

Eiji just watched them with amusement for a moment longer. How Ash's eyes lit up when he talked about New York while Hana hang on his every word and looked up at him in admiration. She practically glowed with pride when Ash praised her. When she recognized a building or a famous street. Ash would be a really great teacher, he was really good at explaining things and had an answer ready for all the questions Hana asked, even if he had never been there himself.

Sitting next to them, he stayed quiet for a while, thinking Ash could describe all the areas of New York better than he ever could. He just added some minor details here and there and explained some photos he had taken without Ash being present.

"What's that? It looks like a Halloween party. But why are you looking so scared?", Hana burst out laughing. "That expression on your face looks hilarious."

"Did you really have to add that damn photo, Eiji?", Ash glared at him.

"Yes, of course. As Hana said, it's hilarious. You see, Ash has one weakness. He's afraid of pumpkins. So I tried to scare him on Halloween.

I"ll never tell you a secret again!", Ash said, pouting.

"Really, that's just too funny.", Hana grinned. Then she moved a bit closer, asking Ash in a low voice:

"So you want to know what Eiji is afraid of?", she asked, an evil grin on her face.

"I sure do.", Ash said, a devilish grin on his face.

Then Hana whispered something into his ear. Ash smiled wickedly. "Interesting…"

Eiji was glad Hana had instantly warmed up to Ash, even if it was at his expense. Not that he was surprised. But he had been worried that Hana would ask questions that weren't so easy to answer. And was relieved when she didn't. She was probably too distracted by Ash's stories about New York.

"If you want to have some simple Japanese books, Hana can give you some. In case you want to practice."

"Yeah, that'd be great.", he said, smiling at Hana.

"Sure, come with me."

While Hana gave Ash some books, Eiji talked to his mother and promised her to come by more often. "Take care of Ash. He needs you. He must have experienced some really horrible things. It's not easy to overcome that." Eiji just stared at her, completely taken by surprise. But then he just nodded. He should have known that they couldn't fool his mother.

Hana came down with Ash again who was carrying a tower of books so high, he was unable to see where he was going.

"Eiji slapped a hand across his face in resignation, muttering "damn book nerd".

"Ash please don't tell me you want to carry a pile of books as high as the Empire State Building home.", he complained, but couldn't help but smile at him anyway.

"Why? You're not carrying them.", Ash's voice rang out behind the book tower. "And this is just a bit of light reading. I'll probably be finished in two or three days."

"Are you kidding? How do you want to read so many books in three days?", Hana exclaimed in disbelief. Eiji just grinned. "I can assure you, he can. Apart from being a hopeless book worm, Ash is really smart. He's basically a genius.", he said proudly.

"I told him that he can come back and borrow some others anytime, but he didn't listen.", Hana said, turning to Eiji.

"And what exactly did Ash and you do in New York? Did you live under a rock? I've never met a person who had no idea about movies, stars or series that are related to New York when he actually lived in New York. He doesn't even know the latest Marvel movie and that has been a blockbuster for months even here."

"Ash just shrugged nonchalantly. "I prefer books to movies." Then he turned to Hana again, after looking for something in his coat's pockets. "Thank you, Hana.", he smiled while placing a baseball cap on her head. "That looks much better on you. Like a real American. It's a present."

Hana took it off her head, looking at it. It was a marine blue New York Yankees baseball cap with the famous logo everyone knew.

"Thank you!", she beamed at him.

When they were walking home, Ash was awfully quiet. Eiji could practically hear the wheels in his head turning, processing everything that had happened today. When he did that, his expression always turned blank while he retreated into his own world and he wouldn't hear him anyway. But Eiji realized that by doing that he let his guard down and was beginning to feel safe here which was a good thing. Eiji was used to that habit by now, so he just remained silent, looking curiously around instead, noticing some changes around his hometown for the first time, stores that had closed, new shops and cafés that had opened and noticing new buildings and houses he hadn't seen before.

That's why he was taken by surprise when Ash's hand brushed against his before Ash clumsily took his hand, looking shyly at him, as if asking for permission. Eiji just smiled at him warmly, returning the gesture and Ash relaxed at once, smiling back softly, not saying anything.

But he didn't have to. Eiji just knew.


	13. Enlightenment

"It's been more than two months, Ash. Two fucking months! Don't tell me you didn't have the time for a damn phone call. To tell me you're alright, you ungrateful, inconsiderate, rude and self-centered brat! Aren't you a genius? And the idea has never occurred to your smart mind that I worry about you, you little selfish and insensitive punk?", Max scolded him. And he didn't stop there. It went on for several minutes.

Ash had finally called Max after Eiji had guilt-tripped him for some days, telling him his behavior was utterly rude. That Max didn't deserve a silent treatment after having saved his life. Ash knew Eiji was right and felt slightly guilty about not calling Max sooner. But the time flew by so quickly that he hadn't even realized that he had already been here for more than two months already. Until Eiji had asked him if he had contacted Max. His _dad_ had done so much more than merely saving his life. He had faked his death and managed to get him new documents, giving him the chance to start a new life. Together with the only person that mattered to him. Ash was painfully aware of the fact that he was only sitting here next to Eiji because of Max. He had risked so much just for him to ensure Ash would be able to lead the normal life he had always dreamed of. And the only thing he expected from him was to get a call from him once in a while. That really wasn't too much to ask, was it?

Ash flinched and held the phone as far away from his ear as possible, a completely startled look on his face. Eiji burst out laughing when returning to the living room, seeing how Ash suddenly kept holding the phone at arm's length with pain and guilt overwhelming his face. Max's irritated voice roared through the phone, his furious tone echoing so deafeningly loud that even Eiji could still make out what he was saying. Despite still standing several meters away. Eiji sat down next to him, an evil smirk on his face, enjoying himself immensely while looking at Ash's paling face and widening green eyes. Ash gave him a dirty look, but Eiji could still see a tiny spark of amusement flashing in his eyes.

"Ok, I deserve that, old man.", Ash admitted when Max had finally finished with his lecture, the guilt-ridden expression returning to his face after stubbornly looking away from Eiji. "But if you have stopped screaming like a desperate housewife, I could put you on loudspeaker so that Eiji can say hallo, too.", Ash told him in an annoyed tone, placing the phone on loudspeaker and putting it on the table in front of them.

"I bet you've just called now because Eiji threatened you or something similar. Because he's actually a nice and caring person who actually thinks of others. I really hoped his kind character would rub off on you.", Max said, disappointment lingering in his voice.

"You'd win that bet.", Eiji said, grinning. "And I'm trying to teach him some social skills, but he's a stubborn idiot. He can't even admit that he misses you. So what can I do? He's hopeless in that regard.", Eiji told him, feigning resignation.

"Are you both finished bullying me?", Ash asked impatiently, crossing his arms, but Eiji could still make out a trace of a smile on his features, his bright green eyes were betraying him.

"No, we're just getting started, kid.", Max told him in a teasing tone. Eiji nodded, agreeing with him.

"Ok, I'm sorry that I haven't called you sooner, old man. Are you satisfied now?", Ash asked, rolling his eyes.

"Not entirely, but it's a start. Then he turned serious again, his voice softening. "So how are you doing, Ash?"

"I'm f – ", Ash began, but Max just interrupted him, turning to Eiji instead.

"Eiji, how is he really doing?"

"Hey, why are you asking him all of a sudden?", Ash complained, annoyed at being interrupted.

"Because I get an honest answer from him. Not a stubborn tough-guy-act that you're fine.",Max complained to him impatiently.

Ash hated to admit that to himself, but Max was right. That was the exact thing he had would have told him. That kind of response came automatically without him realizing it. But Max deserved more than his standard platitudes. Only Ash didn't know what to tell him exactly. Fortunately, Eiji did. He always knew how to save him from awkward situations like this one, he thought gratefully.

"He's better. I think he's slowly getting used to a peaceful life. He's more relaxed and he smiles more.", he said, meeting Ash's eyes. "But he still needs some time to recover.", Eiji answered honestly while ruffling Ash's hair. Ash frowned, but couldn't help but smile anyway after a moment.

Still, Eiji was a bit too honest as far as Ash was concerned. But he realized that Eiji was so open to Max because the old man cared about him. And if he was honest with himself he loved it that Max treated him like his own son. He could even hear a hint of worry resonating in his voice. Eiji had told Ash once that Max was the father he really deserved. Maybe he was right…?

"I really like it here. But it's just so quiet here... so different from the hectic life in New York.", he admitted honestly. Then his eyes brightened again. "But we have a really nice apartment. You should see it one day.", Ash said while sharing a glance with Eiji who smiled happily. "I've started going to a language school here. And Eiji's started attending college again."

"It looks as if both of you have settled down in Japan and enjoy it.", Max said, a hint of relief in his voice. "You sound happier, Ash. Your voice sounds different. More cheerful. I'm glad that you enjoy your new life."

"Yeah, I guess… I am … happy.", Ash admitted reluctantly while casting a quick glance at Eiji. "Thanks, Max. For everything."

For a moment, no one said anything and the silence hang heavily in the air. Small talk wasn't exactly his strong suit. Luckily Eiji always knew how to save him, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"So, how are you, Max? And Jessica? Michael?", Eiji asked curiously.

"We're fine. Jessica and I will marry. Again. Guess we're both crazy.", Max told them, his voice bursting with pure happiness.

"That's great!", exclaimed Eiji, overjoyed. "Congratulations!"

"Congrats, _dad_. You are indeed both crazy.", Ash agreed, smirking. "But Michael's probably happy.", Ash said in a softer tone, smiling when remembering Max's little son.

"Yeah, Michael loves that we all live together again. We sold the house in California and bought an apartment in New York. Got it pretty cheap from a ruthless blond gang leader." Ash grinned mischievously. He could practically see Max's smirk through the phone.

"Eiji looked at Ash in surprise, his brown eyes widening. "You gave him your 8 million condo?"

"It was his to begin with. Officially, he bought it. "Right, Mr. Winston?", Ash said, an evil grin on his face. Too bad Max couldn't see it.

"It was still a nice farewell gift. Thank you, Ash."

Ash just shrugged. "My gang didn't like it anyway. They always complained the doorman would look down upon them with a condescending look. To me it always felt more like a museum, not a home. Our new apartment here is much nicer.", he told him while looking around their living room. "Much warmer and more comfortable.", Ash explained cheerfully while casting a glance at Eiji. "And I could never repay you for saving my life.", Ash admitted honestly.

Ash wondered if he should ask something else. Something he was dying to know. Finally, his curiosity won out.

"By the way, _dad_, didn't you tell me at the airport you'll come visit us here?", Ash asked, trying to hide the uncertainty in his voice.

"Oh, right. The project I've been working on with Ibe took longer than expected. But I'm coming in 4 weeks. Together with Ibe."

"Really?", Ash asked in surprise, his eyes brightening instantly while meeting Eiji's.

"You should have seen Ash's sparkling eyes when you've said that.", Eiji burst out laughing. "Like a comic character."

"Eiji!", Ash complained, glaring at him. But Eiji just kept smiling anyway, completely unimpressed.

"It'll be great to see you again, Max.", Eiji said happily, elbowing Ash, so he'd say something, too.

"Yeah, it's great that you'll come visit us.", Ash admitted after a moment. "Call me when you'll arrive."

"I really wished Max and you weren't both so stubborn", Eiji complained while rolling his eyes after they had ended the call. "Sometimes I think I'm the only adult here. But it's really great we get to see him again, right?"

"Yes, it is.", Ash agreed honestly. "But he didn't have to get that mad.", Ash added, pouting a little.

"He got so mad because he loves you, Ash. He was worried about you. People who don't care about you would never get so mad. It's a good thing. You have found an amazing dad.", Eiji replied smiling while leaning on his shoulder.

"I guess…", Ash finally admitted, leaning on him as well.

Ash was happy that they'd see Max and Ibe again. They were the only people who knew the whole truth about what had gone down in New York. And they were the only adults he trusted. Who had always done their best to help him. He would never forget that.

And maybe they even had some news from New York. From his gang, maybe. Or Sing. He had to admit he missed those idiots that belonged to his gang. Even if they had sometimes messed up his life big time with their chaotic behavior. Sometimes it had felt more like a kindergarten. An armed kindergarten. But they had still been like family to him. Annoying family, but still family he would have protected with his life. Although it felt as if that had been a lifetime ago…

It was harder for Eiji than for him to constantly tell a kind of half-truth to other people. Or leave out many things they had gone through. Especially in front of his family or his friends. For Eiji honesty was important. But no one would believe the truth. Even Eiji wasn't that naive. But it was still hard for both of them to always watch what they were saying when talking about New York, afraid they'd slip up. For Ash it was easier because no one knew him here. But Eiji still had friends, old class mates and team members from pole vaulting. People that were curious about his stay in New York.

With Max and Ibe they could talk freely about everything. They had no one else to talk about what had really happened in New York. Ash knew that talking with Max and Ibe about New York helped both of them coping with all the things that had happened there.

The next weeks passed by really quickly. Ash normally went to language school and enjoyed it immensely because he was finally beginning to understand the language spoken around him and could read more and more signs of shops, streets or at college. He normally waited for Eiji at a café close by that Eiji had shown him. According to Eiji it had the best coffee in town. Ash couldn't disagree, the coffee was great. Since the café was close both to college and to the language school it had international newspapers and some International books you could borrow while being there. That was probably the real reason why Eiji had shown the place to him. English books weren't that easy to find around here. Ash normally went there to kill time, drink coffee and read books since Eiji's courses normally took longer than his language class. After that Ash and Eiji normally had lunch at the college cafeteria close by.

At lunch Eiji normally looked through some photos that he needed for his projects. Ash slowly realized while looking through the photos with him that photos weren't always twisted, disgusting and evil like those his abusers took of him. They could also portray beautiful things, pure emotions and precious memories. In New York he had never had time to take a closer look at Eiji's photos. Now that he did, he noticed that Eiji's photos were always full of life, bursting with happiness and lively colors. They reflected the pure and innocent way he saw the world. Ash loved how Eiji paid attention to minor details most people would overlook and moved them into the center of his photos, highlighting them. It made his photos special and beautiful. He had also learned just from watching him, that photos depended strongly on the one looking through the camera. When the photographer had a pure heart, it was reflected in his photos. Eiji had also taught him that photos could freeze and revive perfect moments in time that had been over in a heartbeat. That a photo made you relive that perfect moment of happiness again by refreshing your memory of that very moment. That precious moments captured in a photo stayed with you forever, even if they were already fading from your memory.

"Why did you choose so many photos of New York for your project?", Ash asked curiously when looking through the stack of photos.

"The topic this time is "_Memories_", so I thought pictures from New York would fit perfectly.", Eiji explained his reasoning. Help me choose some, ok? I can't decide."

"Wow, this one's really incredible. And this one with Ibe and Max looks pretty funny.", Ash said, grinning.

"Oh, that reminds me. Ibe called me yesterday and offered me a part-time job in the afternoon when he's back from the States. I wanted to accept his offer. Do you mind?", Eiji asked him, looking at him intently.

"No, of course not.", Ash said, looking back at him. "You obviously look forward to it. I can see it in your too honest face. Your eyes are practically sparkling." Ash added, grinning at him. Eiji glared at him, but then his gaze softened. "You're right. I can learn a lot from working with him.", Eiji agreed, obviously relieved.

Now that Eiji went to college, Ash could see how tired he was when coming home. He was happy and content, Ash could see it displayed openly on his face, but he would often continue working on his assignments for hours. Eiji was a perfectionist when it came to those assignments and sometimes he just forgot the time.

In the evenings they were often watching a movie or a series together, mostly on Eiji's bed. Lying next to each other, they normally watched on his laptop. From time to time Eiji just fell asleep next to him, leaning on his shoulder, but most times he was draped over him, his head resting on his chest like now. While Ash was gently removing some brown strands out of his face, he was watching his expression carefully, wondering if he would look so content with himself one day. If he could just enjoy being so happy and at peace with the world. He could spend hours just watching Eiji sleep like that, his dark brown strands falling into his face, covering his eyes and a small smile dancing on his lips. Eiji was sleeping soundly, but sometimes he mumbled some things in English or in Japanese. Ash couldn't understand it most of the time.

Ash switched off the TV and picked up a book he'd read the day before, careful not to wake Eiji.

Eiji still shifted slightly at his movement, but didn't wake up. Ash sighed in relief.

He only watched movies together with Eiji. Eiji usually showed him some of his favorite movies and series and told Ash it was a great way of learning Japanese. Ash had to agree and noticed that he understood more and more each time which was great. But at the end of the day he was still a bookworm at heart and preferred diving into the fictional worlds of his books and letting his imagination run wild.

Only reading wasn't so easy with only one free hand. Because Eiji had the habit of holding his hand or intertwining their fingers when he was sleeping next to him, as if making sure that Ash was still there. Or that he wouldn't leave. He had noticed after a while that Eiji was still scared that he would leave him. Probably because in New York he had often hidden many things from him, trying to protect him from his cruel worlds and suffering all alone.

One time Ash wanted to get up and tried to loosen the grip on his hand. But Eiji had only tightened the grip on his hand, getting restless and murmuring something that sounded like _Don't leave. _Ash had just stared at him in disbelief. But he had never tried to do that again. The last thing he wanted to do was to scare Eiji.

_"Idiot. What the hell would I do without you?"_

Ash enjoyed reading much more since coming to Japan because he had more time to read here and he didn't have to leave his apartment to do so. He didn't need a sanctuary or a safe haven like the public library anymore. He now had a real home for the first time, so he could just enjoy reading here. But to be honest, the apartment didn't really matter. Since Eiji's presence alone made him feel relaxed and at home here. Eiji just radiated happiness and comfort. Ash could practically feel the room getting warmer when he entered. Maybe home wasn't always a place, but a person. Could it really be that the old man had said something wise to him for once?

Eiji had a way of knowing when he wanted some time for himself and just worked on something for college, looked through his photos or watched a movie on his tablet. He even used headphones to watch movies because he just knew that Ash loved peace and quiet when reading and hated getting interrupted.

Ash had never explained that to him, Eiji had just always known. He loved those moments when they were enjoying an evening together, but were each in their own world. Enjoying some alone time together. Sometimes they'd share a look or a smile once in a while. Many times they just ended up falling asleep next to each other.

Ash had realized long ago that what they had was more than mere friendship. He had already known that in New York. But at the time he was just busy surviving and protecting Eiji and his gang. He didn't have time to figure out his feelings for Eiji then. And if he was admitting the truth, he was terrified, especially to feel more than friendship. Friendship was easy. In friendship clean boundaries existed. About what you could and couldn't do. There were concrete rules you could follow. Friendship was safe and comfortable. He knew how to deal with that.

But what Eiji and he had was way beyond that. It was in their gestures, in the looks they gave each other, the ones lasting a moment too long. The ones where they shared a knowing look. It was in the way they could read each other's minds at times. How they didn't notice anyone else in a crowded room. And in the smiles they gave each other. He practically lived for Eiji's genuine smiles, radiating pure happiness that made his whole face light up. It made him feel special because he had noticed that Eiji only looked like that with him and no one else.

So he had known that for a long time, but had completely ignored it. On purpose. Because if he felt more, if he maybe even loved him, he wouldn't know what to do anymore. Love was a mystery to him, it didn't follow rational rules he could cling to. That was completely new territory for him. He would cross a line, take their bond a step further that he couldn't undo. If he made a mistake, he could destroy everything they had. What if he did everything wrong? He was completely clueless and a newbie when it came to showing emotions. He just couldn't risk losing Eiji. He wasn't ready to admit that to Eiji yet, but he was the center of his world. His reason to get up every day and fight the urge to give up. He was the reason he was beginning to think about the future. What would he do without him? He couldn't even imagine that. He'd rather accept to stay friends forever than to lose everything…


	14. Gunshots And Kisses

Important Note before reading this chapter

_This chapter contains a **major character death** in a nightmare scene I've written. (Of course, no one really dies in my story , it's a happy ending after all)_

_The scene comes right after a long black line signaling a break. If you don't want to read it, you can skip over it. I've marked it like this「 」and have written it in italic writing (same font as this text), so you can see it._

_Damn_.

When Eiji was sleeping so peacefully, Ash wondered how he could ever tell him about his nightmares? Ash put his book back on the table again and ran a hand through his hair. He knew he should tell Eiji. Eiji had always told him that he'd help him through that. That they would overcome everything together. He believed Eiji's words, he really did. He knew Eiji had really meant that at the time.

But how could he tell him that Eiji himself was the reason for his nightmares? Eiji would only blame himself. He just couldn't do that to him. He didn't want to drag Eiji down into the darkness with him.

His nightmares had slowly returned some weeks ago. Ash had always known they would eventually. Because in Japan he had a normal life. A quiet life. In his former action-filled life it had been so much easier to suppress all those horrible memories, his traumatic past, his heinous crimes. Easier to forget them, deny them, ignore them. But this new life made all the emotions that he had suppressed for so long resurface again. It didn't happen overnight. Ash had noticed that his traumatic and horrible memories were slowly sneaking into his dreams again.

At the beginning they were short scenes about people he'd seen dying or had lost. Like Shorter, Skip or his brother. After a few days they had changed and had slowly turned into scenes of his abusers touching him, hurting him, raping him. They made him wake up drenched in sweat. They were scary sometimes and he felt filthy and disgusting after waking up. But since knowing his abusers were dead, they weren't as terrifying anymore as they used to be.

But in the last two nights his nightmares had changed again. Ash knew they would get worse in the next few days. And that he would not be able to hide them from Eiji any longer. Because those nightmares were about his greatest fear: losing Eiji. Putting him in mortal danger. Failing to protect him. Seeing him die. Coming too late so save him. He had only managed to conceal them until now because Eiji was busy with college and so focused on his assignments that he hadn't noticed until now.

And he still wondered if he was just a burden to Eiji with all his nightmares, his pain and suffering. Eiji didn't deserve that. Maybe Eiji was just too nice to tell him that... What if he was just messing up Eiji's life and was just a troublemaker as his father had always said? Maybe Eiji would get tired of his emotional trauma eventually. Of always comforting him. What would he do then? He couldn't imagine a life without Eiji...

Living with him was not always easy. There had been several incidents where Ash had overreacted at the beginning. When people touched him incidentally on crowded streets or had bumped into him. Ash had reacted on pure instinct and had defended himself, pushing people to the floor or twisting their arms. Eiji had explained the situation each time, telling them he was a survivor of war or something similar and had apologized for him. Still, Eiji had never gotten angry with him, but had just hugged him, had calmed him down and had assured him that everything was fine. That he'd get used to it. The worry in Eiji's eyes hurt much more than any stab wound ever could, directly boring into his heart. He sometimes wished Eiji would get angry with him. That he'd shout at him. Fight with him. But Eiji never did, simply explaining to him that his reaction was to be expected. Eiji had convinced him that he needed time to get used to a normal world. That he couldn't expect miracles after years of traumatic experiences. Explaining to him that recovery was a slow process that didn't come overnight. That he could see he had already started healing and that it would get better with time.

When his dark thoughts overwhelmed him like that, he wondered if he should just leave. If that would be better. Better for Eiji. But Eiji had drilled it into his stubborn head that he didn't want Ash to leave. And now that he looked at Eiji sleeping so peacefully with such a relaxed smile on his face, he knew he could never do that, either. Maybe it was selfish, but he couldn't leave the only person who made him feel happy. He loved him. He would do anything for him. Eiji made him feel like he belonged here. But it still was a mystery for him what Eiji saw in him. Why he meant so much for Eiji. He secretly had a highly unlikely glimmer of hope that Eiji loved him as well. But that was wishful thinking, right? All people had left him eventually, so he had come to the conclusion that he didn't deserve love. But Eiji was still here. Did that mean –

Eiji shifted a bit, then slowly opened his eyes, smiling at him.

"Sorry, Ash. I fell asleep on you again. Ash just smiled back softly, all of his negative thoughts vanishing into thin air while looking into his warm brown eyes.

"It's fine. You were sleeping so peacefully. You look exhausted.", Ash told him, worry running over his face. "You're working too much.", Ash said seriously.

"Then you'll be happy to hear that I've just finished my last assignment. So I'll have more time from now on. Maybe we can do some little trip this weekend?"

"That sounds great."

_「A shot rang out, echoing deafeningly loud in his ears while flying lightning fast through the air. It was missing him by an inch because he instinctively dodged it. Instead it was flying past him and directly towards the person who suddenly was standing behind him. Someone he had sworn to protect with his life. Always. Realizing the bullet was flying towards him, he yelled a warning at Eiji to duck, to move, to run, to do anything, but Eiji just looked at him, his brown eyes wide with surprise. But he didn't understand in time what was happening. He started running towards Eiji, painfully aware that he could never outrun a bullet, but trying anyway. Only he reached Eiji a fraction of a second too late... Of course, Eiji wasn't capable to move fast enough to avoid the bullet. So it was hitting him directly in his chest. Ash only saw Eiji hitting the floor, before even realizing what had really happened, reaching for Ash with his hand, pure shock displayed in his widening eyes. When Ash had finally grabbed his hand, tears filling his eyes, he smiled weakly, whispering "Ash, I'm so glad you're safe." before the light was slowly fading out of his normally warm eyes and he died.」_

"Eiji, nooo!", Ash screamed in sheer terror, shooting up, his hands desperately reaching out for him in the air, his whole body trembling badly. His mind had shut down completely, utterly scared of the pitch black darkness swallowing him. Beads of sweat were running down his forehead mixing in with endless hot tears that were steaming down his pale face. He couldn't breathe, desperately gasping for air while gripping his chest in a panic. His eyes were burning from all those tears and his vision was so blurry he could barely make out anything. He wanted to move, to breathe or to just see through the darkness, but he just couldn't, completely frozen up and unable to do anything.

He heard footsteps running towards him, then Eiji's voice was echoing from somewhere far away and someone was gripping his hand gently. Ash panicked even more.

_It's a trap. It can't be Eiji. He died. Because of me. I killed him._

"No, don't touch me!", he desperately cried out, slapping his hand away while diving for the gun under his pillow, but not finding one.

_Shit! Why ...?_

Before he could do anything else, the light was switched on. Then he heard a voice. A voice he would recognize anywhere. It even penetrated his confused and terrified state. It was worried, but warm and gentle. Safe. When hearing it, his frightened and numb mind slowly started working again... He slowly remembered that he was in Japan...

"Ash, can you hear me? Ash!", Eiji's frantic voice resonated through his mind, slowly getting through to him. Then the voice got calmer. Softer. "Ash, it's me, Eiji. I'm here. You recognize my voice, right?", Eiji asked him quietly.

"E-Eiji?", Ash asked, his voice cracking mid-sentence and filled with complete disbelief.

_But it couldn't be him..._

"Yes. I'm here. You're safe, ok? It was just a nightmare. Everything's fine.", Eiji assured him in a soothing voice, pure relief flooding his voice when he realized Ash had finally recognized him.

_A nightmare...? But it had felt so real..._

"We are both safe. I promise. Can I touch you now?", he asked him in a comforting voice, but even Ash could still hear the concern resonating in the background.

Eiji always asked for permission first, showing him he had a choice and leaving him an option to pull out. Ash just nodded, his voice failing him. Eiji took his hand gently in both of his hands, rubbing calming circles into it with his thumb. His soft touch made him relax instantly. Eiji's touch always helped him, saving him from drowning in a sea of darkness. It always reminded him that he wasn't alone. His trembling slowly got better. Seeing that, Eiji moved a little closer, but still with enough space between them that Ash could move away from him if he wanted to.

"Ash, you're still trembling. And you still aren't breathing right.", Eiji told him, pure concern resonating in his voice. "Let me help you, ok? Don't push me back. I want to be there for you when you're suffering. You don't have to go through that alone. I'm here with you. Always."

Ash just stared at him in surprise, wiping his tears away with his sleeve. He wanted to refuse, but now that he was clearly seeing his warm eyes drowning in worry, he just couldn't do it. So he just nodded, feeling exhausted, his probably red-tinged eyes and his puffy, still tearstained cheeks still stinging, unable to form the words. Eiji moved a bit towards him, hugging him slowly, always leaving him a way out.

When Ash's head dropped on his shoulder, Eiji tightened his arms around him, one hand on his back while the other hand was gently stroking his hair.

"It's ok. We're both safe. No one will hurt us here, ok? I promise.", Eiji assured him.

Ash slowly relaxed at Eiji's gentle touch and grabbed Eiji's back, clinging to him like a life line, and began crying uncontrollably. Eiji just held him, whispering soothing words into his ear and waited until he had slowly calmed down.

"It felt so real..., that nightmare...", Ash sobbed quietly. What if that really happens? I can't do that to you. Maybe I should just leave... I don't want to hurt you again...", Ash said sadly . Eiji slowly pulled out of the hug, looking directly into his green eyes while touching his shoulder gently.

"Ash, what exactly did you dream? Tell me, please.", Eiji asked worriedly. When Ash still hesitated, he looked directly into his probably still reddened eyes, while gently wiping away the remaining tears on his cheeks with his thumbs. Ash relaxed at once at his gentle touch, leaning into it. Eiji's touch never hurt him, instead it comforted him, healed him, saved him. Always.

"Please talk to me? I want to help you, ok?", Eiji softly tried again, a bit more firmly this time. "Don't refuse my help. Tell me why you were so scared. You didn't even recognize me, Ash. That scared me to death, you know? Tell me what I can do to make you feel better. I'm here.", Eiji said, compassion overpowering his eyes. Ash looked up at Eiji, pure surprise on his pale features. When Eiji smiled at him encouragingly, nodding at him, Ash sighed dramatically, looking down at his hands, not daring to look at Eiji.

"You – you died. I failed to protect you. Someone shot at me, but I dodged it and then you... and I wasn't – fast enough...", Ash choked out while tears formed in his eyes again. Eiji softly wiped them away again, pure compassion filling his warm eyes. He put his arms around him again until he had calmed down again. Then he looked at him, pure honesty reflected in his brown eyes.

"That will never happen here, Ash. I promise. We're both safe here. Guns aren't even allowed in Japan. I told you that when we met for the first time." Ash couldn't help but smile slightly while remembering their first encounter in New York.

"And I don't want you to leave. We belong together. So if you leave, I'll go with you.", Eiji insisted, steadfast determination in his brown eyes.

"You really would, huh?", Ash smiled sadly. "I can see it in your eyes."

" I told you I will never leave you alone again.", Eiji clarified for him. When Ash still looked doubtful, Eiji asked him more firmly, his gaze practically burning into his:

"Ash, do you really want to leave me?"

"NO! I – I don't! But I only worry you and mess up your life. You don't deserve that, Eiji.", Ash tried to explain his reasoning to him, still haunted by that terrifying nightmare. It had felt so real... The mere memory made him tremble again.

"That's where you're wrong. You don't mess up my life, you make it worth living.", Eiji explained patiently while taking his hand again.

"Ash's green eyes widened while he stared at him , pure astonishment crossing his features.

"I – I do? Even if I constantly have nightmares and need two hours to get up in the morning?", he asked sadly. Eiji just smiled at him, his warm eyes comforting him instantly.

"Even then. I want to help you recovering. So please tell me if you have nightmares. Come to me, let me help you. Tell me about your nightmares. You don't have to tell me every detail, but share your suffering with me, ok? Talking about it will help you. I'm only asking you to try, ok?"

Ash just nodded. "I promise I'll try."

Suddenly, Eiji grinned at him, pure happiness turning his eyes into a golden-brown. "And waking up my grumpy blond American is the favorite part of my day. You look really cute when you're only half-awake and your green eyes are still dull and overpowered with sleep before brightening slowly. And I really love that peaceful look on your face when you sleep soundly. And how your blond strands are covering your face and are sticking out at all sides", he said, smirking.

Ash glared at him. "Oh, right, I forgot that piercing look and your evil temper.", Eiji laughed. "I still remember how terrified your gang was to wake you up. It was hilarious."

Eiji ruffled his hair and continued laughing while Ash just stared at him, eyes widening in amazement. He had no idea what we was supposed to say to that. Eiji even seemed to accept his worst sides easily and wasn't annoyed by his odd sleeping habits. And did he just say _love_?

"Ash, you're awfully quiet. Are you really ok?", Eiji asked, leaning closer while scrutinizing his face and watching him carefully.

"Thank you, Eiji. For staying with me. For just being you." Eiji just smiled at him. "After everything you've gone through, you really deserve it. You are a good, amazing and brilliant person. And I will tell you that each day until you believe it yourself.", Eiji said, determination running over his face.

"But do you really like it here? You've just moved across the world. You seem happier now, but sometimes there's a darkness in your eyes that still worries me.", Eiji told him seriously, a frown appearing on his face.

"I still think that I mess up your life and I don't deserve someone amazing as you...", Ash began quietly, avoiding his gaze.

"But...?", Eiji asked curiously, smiling encouragingly while leaning closer.

Ash couldn't help but smile back. "I like it here and this apartment feels like a real home for the first time. A place where I feel comfortable and safe. I feel like I belong here. With you. I really feel alive here. And don't feel guilty about it for the first time. I'm not surviving anymore, but actually living."

" I'm so relieved you feel at home here.", Eiji said, pure happiness overwhelming his features. "Because I'm really happy here, too. With you. I need you, too, you clueless idiot. When will you finally get that?", he scolded him lightly.

"I'm sorry, Eiji. I've always thought you'd give up on me after a while. With all my emotional baggage and my trauma. After overreacting and panicking in crowded places. So it took me some time to realize that you'd never leave me." Eiji looked at him, pure compassion reflected in his eyes.

"I'd never do that to you, Ash."

"I know that now. But I've just met too many people who told me the exact same thing. And they still all left me.", Ash explained sadly. "So I promise you I won't leave you. What would I do without you?"

" But, Ash, I don't know that I'd do without you, either. You give me the strength to pull through college. You have never understood that you give me the confidence to believe in myself. That I'm not depressed anymore, but happy. That is entirely your doing."

"But I don't do anything for you."

"That's not true!", Eiji said, glaring at him intensely. "And you don't have to do anything. "Just be yourself.", Eiji smiled. "And you often help me with my assignments. Haven't you noticed how often I ask you to look through them to hear your advice?" You sometimes have some really good ideas and suggestions. That's a great help as well."

"And I love our constant bickering and our sarcastic remarks, our war of wits. It's so much fun just being with you. Spending time with you."

"Actually, I enjoy that, too.", Ash just smiled at him, but this time it wasn't a sad smile, but a genuine happy smile that made his eyes shine like emeralds. Eiji relaxed visibly.

After a moment, he watched Ash carefully, studying his face for a moment. He moved into the kitchen and came back handing him a glass of water and two pills.

"Here you go."

Ash eyed the pills suspiciously, a frown appearing on his face. "What's that?"

"Painkillers. For your headache. Don't deny it, Ash. You've been rubbing your temples all the time.", Eiji explained it to him. "You should have told me.", he scolded him softly.

Ash just nodded, taking the pills with a glass of water before getting into bed again.

Eiji took the empty glass from him and left the room. When Eiji returned two minutes later, Ash frowned up at him.

"What are you doing?"

"Move over.", Eiji simply said. "I'm not leaving you alone. Not after such a terrifying nightmare. You usually have trouble sleeping after such a nightmare, but you're too stubborn to tell me."

Ash just stared at him wide-eyed. Fuck, he couldn't hide anything from Eiji. He sighed dramatically and moved over. When Eiji was like that, it was useless fighting him. Eiji could also be stubborn as hell.

He tried to sleep again, but it didn't work as Eiji had predicted. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw those horrible images of his nightmare again. Those horrible scenes were still too vivid in his mind, so sleep didn't come easily to him. After a nightmare he often lay awake the rest of the night. Eiji had shared a room with him long enough to notice that.

He shifted slightly, placing a hand over his eyes. He still didn't know what to do. Even if he told Eiji what could he even do? But then Eiji just surprised him by grabbing his left hand and slowly intertwined their fingers. Ash immediately relaxed. This small gesture showed him that he wasn't alone. He looked at Eiji, grateful that he was lying next to him. Maybe he could really help him...?

"Still remembering that nightmare?", Eiji simply asked.

"Yeah. I still see the images in my mind. I can't change it. I'm just so overwhelmed by them that I can't seem to calm down enough to sleep.", Ash admitted sadly, looking away from him.

Eiji let go of his hand, moved closer and slowly hugged him. Ash relaxed instantly, hugging him back, or more like clinging to him, his head dropping on Eiji's chest without thinking.

Ash wanted to pull back, but Eiji gently pushed his head back down again.

Ash looked up at him. "Stay like this. You seem completely relaxed now. Ash just smiled. "I can sleep better if you're next to me.", he admitted reluctantly. "You make me feel safe."

Eiji just returned the smile. "I feel safe with you as well.", he said softly.

"You do?", Ash asked, lifting his head again.

"Ash, of course I do. I've always felt safe with you in New York. Because I knew you'd protect me. Take care of me." Ash's head dropped on Eiji's chest again.

"I would still do that.", he said seriously. "Protect you."

"I know. But I hope you won't have to because we're both safe here."

"Yeah", Ash agreed, smiling before slowly drifting off to sleep.

Eiji suddenly woke up in the middle of the night. That wasn't unusual since he was a light sleeper and often woke up just because he heard someone on the stairs or in the apartment above him.

But this time it was different. He always slept with his door slightly open, as did Ash. Eiji had asked him to because he wanted to notice if he had nightmares. And he wanted Ash to know that he could always come to him when they terrified him. But he knew at the same time that Ash would probably not do that because he had never learned to ask for help. So he normally suffered alone. So Eiji needed to notice himself when he had nightmares.

But this time he heard footsteps in the hallway. Which wasn't unusual, even at night. But usually they didn't stop in front of his room. And he could have sworn his door had just moved slightly. Or maybe he had imagined that...?

Curious, he finally got up and opened his door. There, in the darkness, he could see a silhouette standing in the hallway.

"Ash? What are you doing here?", he asked, switching on the light. Only then he was able to see that he was trembling badly.

"N-Nightmare.", Ash just said. "Can I –?"

Now that Eiji took a closer look at him, he noticed that he had been crying. But that was the first time that Ash had come to him. Asking for help. Or at least trying.

He moved closer to him and hugged him tightly, feeling how Ash slowly relaxed and his trembling got better. After a while he pulled out of the hug, taking his hand instead. "It's fine. Sleep next to me."

Ash just nodded, letting Eiji lead him to his bed. Ash hesitated slightly, but when Eiji nodded at him encouragingly, he slid under the covers next to him. Eiji moved closer to him and put an arm around him. He could feel how Ash slowly stopped trembling and he finally relaxed. Ash moved a bit, his head resting next to Eiji's shoulder, half burying his face in the pillow.

Eiji just touched his blond hair gently. Ash was draped halfway over him, his left arm covering Eiji, touching his upper arm, more like gripping it, as if protecting him. Eiji smiled and pulled the blanket over both of them.

"Thank you.", Ash mumbled his voice barely audible, muffled by the pillow.

"Thank you for letting me in. For asking me for help. That probably wasn't easy for you.", Eiji said sympathetically.

"No, it wasn't. But I've never had nightmares while sleeping next to you. Just feeling your presence and warmth makes me relax and I sleep more soundly.

Maybe..."

"Yes. You can sleep here from now on. I've told you that several times already.", Eiji said, yawning.

"I know, but at the beginning – ", Ash tired to explain.

"You didn't know if you stayed long enough to deserve that."

"Eiji, can you stop finishing my sentences for me? It's annoying as hell.", Ash complained. But there was still a half-smile dancing on his lips.

"Goodnight, Ash."

The next morning Eiji woke up at 8 am. It was a Saturday and the sun coming through the window had woken him up. But then he realized that Ash wasn't sleeping next to him anymore. Ash was not a morning person. He couldn't really have gotten up earlier than him, could he? He opened his door and noticed suddenly that it smelled deliciously. And apparently the kitchen was still standing. What a relief! Ash's last cooking attempt had nearly set the kitchen on fire. To his credit, he had cooked something Japanese and Eiji was supposed to have an eye on his cooking. Only he was slightly distracted because he had just found a camera lens he had been looking for and had lost track of time. So it hadn't entirely been his fault. Ash could cook simple things rather well, but was still a beginner when it came to Japanese cooking.

Eiji looked around the kitchen, but no one was there. So he went to the living room because they usually had breakfast there. Ash was standing at a perfectly arranged table, a cup of coffee in his hand. He turned around when he heard Eiji enter.

"Wow, you did all of that? It smells amazing!", Eiji smiled happily.

"I did, sleepy head.", he said proudly, smirking at him. "That has to be the first time that I got up earlier than you. "I have to note that down. That's a milestone in history."

Of course, Eiji had already sat down and tasted his pancakes, beaming at him with pure joy.

"Your pancakes are amazingly delicious, Ash!", he exclaimed overjoyed while already stuffing the next piece into his mouth. Ash just smiled, wiping a bit of maple syrup from the corner of his mouth.

"It's just pancakes, Eiji.", he simply said. "It's nothing special.", he added while putting some maple syrup over his own pancakes.

"No, you're wrong. What makes them special is that you got up extra early and took the time to cook something for me." Eiji grinned when he saw a faint blush spread across Ash's face. "And I've always loved your pancakes."

When Eiji wanted to clean the table, Ash stopped him, walking over to Eiji. After hesitating slightly he took his hand, looking directly into Eiji's eyes.

"It was my way to thank you. For everything you've done for me. But especially for the last few nights. Those have been hard for me. And for you, too. Thank you for never giving up on me. For just being by my side. For being you.", Ash said, smiling shyly at him. Then he put an arm around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Eiji beamed at him, pure happiness sparkling in his eyes. Eiji was so overjoyed that he was hugging him back a bit too lively, so they suddenly tumbled over, landing with a loud thump on the floor. Ash instinctively pulled Eiji closer, protecting him from the fall. Eiji landed on top of Ash and before he knew what had really happened, his lips were on Ash's. Time stood still for a moment. Eiji wanted to pull back, he thought Ash would be surprised, shocked, frozen up. But Ash just looked into his eyes, as if asking for permission, then pulled him closer. As if he had wanted to do that for a very long time. Unsure what to do, Eiji just copied Ash's movements, pulling him closer as well and closed his eyes...


	15. A Second First Kiss

_That wasn't how I had planned that kiss at all…_

When Ash had ended the kiss, Eiji felt as if everything was going in slow motion. That kiss had felt so… perfect. It had definitely felt completely different from the one in jail. It hadn't lasted very long, but it had still been beyond anything Eiji had ever imagined. It had been incredibly gentle and passionate at the same time. He had never felt so many emotions at once. Ash's gentle touch let him forget that he was a complete beginner and had no clue what he was supposed to do. But he didn't feel like an idiot. He felt as if he was loved. Special.

For the first time Ash had been completely carefree and relaxed. Eiji had been able to feel it. It was in every movement he had made, in every gesture, in every touch, in every fiber of his being. That kiss told Eiji everything that Ash had always wanted to tell him, but couldn't find the words for. It was his way of saying_ I love you. _

When the kiss had ended, Eiji could see every tiny emotion running over Ash's face. Like a movie in slow motion. Eiji lifted himself up a bit to look at Ash's face. And he liked what he saw. An expression of pure happiness mixed in with unhidden surprise flew over his features. His eyes had widened and the green color sparkled brightly while he looked at him. There was a small shy smile playing on his lips. Eiji would have done anything to see more of that genuinely happy side of him. It made him look so much younger. Like a normal teenager. Especially when a faint blush spread across his cheeks like now.

But after a moment that happy expression was replaced by a slightly guilty one while he still stared at Eiji. He always got that look when he was overthinking things. Or when he regretted things he had done on a whim. Without thinking them through.

To Ash it was a new concept to lose control over his emotions. Being overwhelmed by them. Drawing a blank. Or his smart mind flatlining. Eiji could see in his eyes that it confused him. His eyes had darkened slightly and there appeared little wrinkles on his forehead. Ash would probably think he'd taken advantage of the situation and had forced Eiji into the kiss. Without considering what he wanted. By catching him off guard. Exactly like that one time in jail.

Eiji knew he had to react, to say something. Do something. Anything. Or Ash would probably torture himself again. Ironically it had been him who had forced a kiss on Ash this time. Eiji felt a tiny bit guilty himself. Not for kissing him. He didn't regret that at all. Quite the contrary, in fact. But for kissing him without any prior warning. Without asking him. He had been completely surprised when Ash had kissed him back. Apparently he hadn't been the only one thinking about kissing him…

Yes, it had been an accident, but that didn't mean Eiji hadn't thought about kissing Ash for a while now. But he had also been painfully aware that Ash needed time to sort out his true feelings towards him. So he wanted to give him the time he needed. He didn't want to pressure him into something he wasn't ready for. But he had enjoyed that kiss far too much to be able to hide the huge smile that spread across his face.

"Eiji, I – "

"That was amazing!" Eiji beamed at him, his big brown eyes shining golden with pure joy while looking into his eyes.

Ash relaxed instantly. A small smile was dawning on his lips again and his eyes lit up again while all of his features softened.

"Yeah, it was. It felt so different from … the one in jail…", Ash admitted shyly. Eiji sat up again and Ash did the same, still looking at him with a hint of confusion in his green eyes.

"But I must be a really lousy kisser judging by the look on your face.", Eiji said, smirking at him while putting some blonde strands behind his ear. .

That finally did it. Ash got that very rare, but radiant smile that lit up his whole face and made his eyes sparkle with joy while he ruffled Eiji's hair softly.

"No, Eiji, the kiss felt great. But I'm – "

"If you tell me you're sorry, I'll seriously punch you, Ash! Because I'm not sorry at all. And you don't look sorry, either." Eiji glared at him intensely, his golden brown eyes glowing fiercely while burning into his.

Ash sighed. "You're right, I'm not. But you looked like back then. In jail. You had the same dumbfounded expression on your face."

"Ash, you do realize that was my first real kiss, don't you? Of course, I looked surprised, I had no idea how to react, what to do. That's all new to me.", he admitted while a faint blush spread across his face.

"That was practically my first real kiss. Not counting the one in jail."

"It was my first real kiss, too…", Ash whispered more to himself.

"And you asked before kissing me. In a way."

"I did? I don't remember that. When your lips touched mine, my mind just flatlined.", he admitted reluctantly while nervously running a hand through his hair. Eiji just had an amused expression on his face.

"Actually, I wanted to kiss you for some time now. But I didn't want to pressure you. If I had known that all I had to do was to fall on top of you, I would have done that much sooner.", Eiji grinned mischievously.

Ash smiled softly. "So that means I can kiss you again?", he asked hopefully, his green eyes lighting up.

"Anytime. But we should really choose more romantic places than the living room floor and a jail to kiss…"

"Since you're the romantic one of us, I'll leave that up to you."

~

"Wow, it's so beautiful here.", Ash exclaimed in fascination while shielding his eyes from the sunlight.

"The color of the sea and the beach looks so different from the US…"

They sat down on a blanket and took out all the food they had prepared. Ok, Eiji had prepared it. Ash had just put the rice in a rice cooker and cut the vegetables while Eiji had done the rest.

Ash wondered why there were no people here on a weekend, but Eiji had explained to him that it was a secret spot most people didn't know. So they enjoyed all the food in comfortable silence while looking at the sea that was sparkling in the bright sunlight.

After a while they were just lying there, enjoying the sunny weather. Eiji took some photos of the beach while Ash was reading a book, some glasses perched up on his nose. After a while he caught Eiji smiling at him.

He just looked up and nodded at him, giving him permission to take some photos of him as well. Eiji's photos were pure and full of life and joy, so he had never been afraid when Eiji had taken photos of him. But still, Eiji always asked first, especially when Ash was reading and his mind was wandering around in fictional worlds and he didn't notice his surroundings anymore. Ash had noticed that he did that more often now. Forgetting his surroundings. Even in the Public Library, that had been a sanctuary to him, he had always paid close attention to his surroundings. But here he had slowly stopped doing that. Because Eiji made him feel safe. Maybe that was a good sign…

Eiji took some photos of them together while they were lying next to each other by holding the camera above them. Then he looked through all of them together with Ash. After that, Eiji stared down at him, a cute frown appearing on his face, leaning closer. Too close… But then he grinned and pinched his nose.

"Congratulations, you've gotten sunburnt. I've told you to use sun cream, you stubborn idiot."

He looked through his bag, found was he was looking for and slapped some sun cream on his forehead while a devilish grin appeared on his face. Lucky for him, Ash had taken off his glasses when he had stopped reading. They probably wouldn't have survived this attack.

"What the fuck are you doing?", Ash exclaimed angrily, totally caught off guard.

"Protecting you.", Eiji simply replied. "Remember what I've told you at the hospital? I'll protect you. If necessary even from yourself. So hold still, you dumb idiot!", while he applied more cream to his face, this time more gently.

Ash just stared at Eiji, but didn't refuse. When Eiji had that piercing look in his eyes, it was useless to argue. And if he was perfectly honest, he loved Eiji's gentle touch. How he gently removed some blonde strands out of his face. How he pinched the bridge of his nose playfully. How his fingers brushed across his lips… All while wearing that radiant smile that made Eiji's whole face shine with happiness. His face slowly came closer and closer… his golden-brown eyes glowing softly…

Eiji slowly moved closer, bent down and … kissed the top of his head at the end while having a wicked grin on his face after that.

"You're messing with me!", Ash complained softly. But he actually lived for those kind of kisses. Much more than that passionate one from before. Because those kisses on the crown of his head or on his forehead told Ash that he was protected and safe. That there was someone who was taking care of him and was worrying about him. That he wasn't alone anymore. As someone who had never known what it felt like to be protected by someone else, those kind of kisses were actually the ones that he loved the most. He had never told Eiji that, but Eiji probably had always known that by the way Ash always leaned into them and instantly relaxed.

Eiji giggled. "Yes, I am. Just a little. But you smell like sun cream. Ew. Not sexy. And you have to earn another kiss. He looked around at the beach, the sea and the blue sky. "But at least our surroundings are more romantic this time."

After a while they went for a walk along the beach. Eiji put a straw hat on his blonde hair. "Wear this, my little vampire. Or you'll probably combust in the sun." Ash glared at him, but then his look softened and he took his hand while they walked barefoot and with rolled up jeans through the sand next to the waterline.The wind was still pretty strong, but it was already spring and the sun dominating the blue sky was already warming them.

"I still can't believe how peaceful it is here. I've always thought you were exaggerating when you told me that Izumo is peaceful and quiet…"

"It's the world you deserve, Ash.", Eiji said honestly. "The world where I've always wanted to take you to. Where I wanted to spend my life together with you." He smiled shyly at him.

"I still can't believe you've done all of that just for me. I can never thank you enough for that. Still seems like a dream to me sometimes…", he admitted quietly.

"I've done that for both of us. Because I love Izumo, but without you it wouldn't be the same. It would be like living in a black and white movie while all the other people were living in a world full of color. My world is only complete with you in it, Ash."

"I feel the same way, Eiji. I haven't told you that with words, but, knowing you, you've probably realized that already.", Ash smiled softly at him. "But I still think you could have found someone better than me…", he said while running a hand through his hair.

Eiji suddenly turned around lightning fast and gripped his shoulders, his penetrating gaze practically shooting daggers at him. Boy, was he mad…

"Ash, I don't want anyone else! I want you and you only! When will that ever get into your stubborn head? If I were able to choose again, I'd still choose you. Always!", he exclaimed angrily, his eyes glowing dangerously, as if on fire. Ash nearly flinched at the intensity.

When Ash still stared at him, a stunned expression on his face, Eiji sighed in frustration and put an arm around his waist while they continued walking along the beach.

"There's a Chinese proverb many people here believe in. It goes like this:

_An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place and circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle. But it will never break. _

It means that those who are bound by that thread are destined to meet and will eventually fall for each other. I believe that we share such a thread and that our bond will therefore never break.

"That sounds cheesy.", he smirked at him without thinking. But then he realized that Eiji was really serious.

"But it's so like you to believe in something like that. I like the imagery. Especially the part saying that the thread will never break. I love that part. Because I would also choose you, Eiji. Always."

Eiji's face lit up with that radiant smile that Ash so loved. The one that turned his eyes a golden brown. The one he only got when we was extremely happy. It made him feel loved and complete. As if he was the only person that mattered to him.

That was the moment when he finally realized it. The whole truth. Not only that he loved Eiji, he'd known that already for some time if he was perfectly honest with himself. But at that very moment it finally dawned on him that Eiji truly loved him as well. He could suddenly see it in his honest eyes, in his warm smile and in the way he had gently put his arm around his waist. Sometimes he couldn't believe how oblivious he was. And apparently fucking blind. Why hadn't he realized all of that much earlier?

Eiji suddenly stopped walking, realizing that Ash had finally figured it all out. His feelings for Eiji. And Eiji's feelings towards him as well. Ash could see it in his eyes, as he stared knowingly at him. Then he looked straight into his green eyes.

"Took you long enough.", he smirked at him. "I love you, Ash.", he said honestly. "Even if you are a clueless idiot."

Ash froze up for a moment, then he could feel a soft, but shy smile spread across his face.

"Can you say that again? Just in case I heard you wrong?", he whispered quietly.

"I truly love you!", Eiji told him happily, giving him a peck on the cheek. A blush ran over Ash's pale cheeks. "Forever!", he promised him.

Ash wiped the tears away that pricked the edges of his eyes. It reminded him of the time when he had asked Eiji to stay by his side.

_It doesn't have to be forever. Just for now._

_Forever. _That was what Eiji had answered instantly, without a moment's hesitation. Just like now.

"I have loved you for a while now, but I knew it was too early to tell you. I wanted to give you the time you need to figure out your own feelings.", he explained seriously.

Ash smiled sadly at him. "Thank you, Eiji. I probably would have panicked if you had told me that back in New York.", he admitted honestly. "Sorry you have to spend your life with an idiot like me."

"It's fine. My idiot has sparks of brilliance from time to time."

Ash hugged him tightly. "I- I love you, too, Eiji. So much. Sometimes I think I had to go through hell to deserve finding you in the end. If so, it was totally worth it."

"Ash…", Eiji stammered, cheeks flushed bright red in embarrassment. "You can't say something that cheesy with such a straight face.", he complained to him after pulling out of the hug.

"Was it cheesy enough to get a kiss as a reward?", Ash asked hopefully. "A second first kiss? The one on the floor was kind of an accident. So, let me ask you properly this time. Can I kiss you again, Eiji?"

"Always.", Eiji nodded, smiling shyly at him.

Ash moved slowly closer and gently touched his face. Eiji was blushing instantly and looked at him, his huge brown eyes widening, reflecting uncertainty and affection at the same time. While moving closer, he saw Eiji's lower lip trembling slightly when Eiji leaned back a little. His lips felt so soft and warm when his own lips finally touched them, kissed them.

He had been kissed by countless people before, not once with his consent, and had always thought that a kiss was nothing special. It had always been a way of domination or demonstrating power. Exercising control over someone. Or getting information out of people by faking love or other emotions. He had never felt anything at all. Except for pure disgust.

He had never understood why a first kiss was supposed to be so damn special for most people. Ash had never believed all of that romantic crap that a first kiss was a special moment or a unique feeling that would stay with you forever.

But all of that changed within a matter of seconds. Because this was the first real kiss he wanted to give voluntarily. This time it was entirely his choice. He had simply been wanting to do that for a very long time. Unlike all the other times, he had been the one initiating the kiss this time. That little detail changed everything and turned everything he had believed to know about kissing upside down. He really wanted to show Eiji how much he loved him. He could never find the right words, especially when it came to emotions or declarations of love. So maybe he could just show Eiji how much he meant to him in some other way? By pouring all of his emotions into this one kiss?

When he started to kiss Eiji, his mind suddenly flatlined. Everything felt completely new to him, he had never experienced something like this before. The sensation of it just overwhelmed him, taking him completely by surprise. Every emotion, every touch, every scent was overpowering him. Because now he paid attention to every minor detail. Because he did enjoy kissing someone for the first time. And instead of wishing for it to be over, he wanted the kiss to last longer. That this moment would last forever…

It was as if this really was his very first kiss. And in a way, it was. His body just moved on its own, his fingers running through Eiji's hair, pulling him even closer while the rest of his body dissolved into Eiji's, ultimately becoming one with him. Ash could feel the warmth spreading through his body and felt his heart nearly bursting with happiness.

He could feel Eiji responding to the kiss, touching his hair as well, but not pushing any further, letting Ash stay in control. He could feel Eiji's inexperience during the kiss. He was hesitating slightly at times, counting on Ash to take the lead. His touch was a bit clumsy and he was unsure what to do, but that made Ash only enjoy the kiss more. And love Eiji more.

Eiji closed his eyes and Ash did the same, slowly deepening the kiss into a more passionate one. He could feel Eiji's heartbeat quickening and how Eiji's breathing was changing. His lips tasted like pure sweetness and innocence and Eiji's arm tightly around his waist made Ash relax, felling instantly safe and protected. He had never thought that one single kiss could arouse so many different emotions in him. Affection, love, passion and pure happiness. All those emotions rushed through him, sending electric sparks through his body while at the same time a warm feeling spread through him he had never felt before. While kissing Eiji he felt alive, loved and wide awake for the first time. Eiji made him feel special, loved and truly happy. As if he was the center of his world. The only person that mattered.

He slowly softened the kiss again before slowly pulling out of their embrace until their entangled lips finally parted. Eiji nearly tumbled over, but Ash caught him at the last second. His face was completely flushed and he was panting, unable to say anything for a moment. But why was there such a worried look on his face?

"I'm sorry, I think I overdid it a little.", Ash apologized quietly when he saw the shocked look on his face.

_Maybe I did something wrong? Why is Eiji looking so worried?_

"No, it's fine.", Eiji said after catching his breath. "But, Ash, are you all right?", Eiji asked, frowning, his brown eyes watching him closely.

"Why – ", Ash asked in bewilderment. But Eiji just reached for his face, gently wiping the tears away that were streaming down his face. It was only at that moment that Ash realized that he was crying.

_Tears? Why am I crying? And why now of all times? Because it had felt completely different from all the other kisses? Because it was the first kiss I've initiated? Because I've actually enjoyed it for the first time? Or because I was sharing the kiss with a person I truly loved?_

"I don't even know why I'm crying.", he tried to explain himself.

"My kissing was that bad,huh?, Eiji said, smirking at him.

Suddenly Ash burst out laughing. "No, that was the best kiss ever, it felt amazing. Even better than the one before."

"It felt amazing to me as well.", Eiji assured him, blushing again.

"You look so cute when you're blushing. Makes you look even younger.", Ash teased him.

Eiji pouted when hearing that and suddenly pushed him backwards and he fell into the water. Eiji started laughing at him, but Ash tripped him and he lost balance, falling into the water next to him.

"I can't believe I didn't see your attack coming.", Ash said, looking playfully at him.

"I've only learnt from the best", Eiji grinned and winked at him.

"But you're a damn liar. The water's still fucking cold.", Ash complained, rubbing his arms.

"Softie.", Eiji replied, splashing water in his face.

"I wonder what my gang would do if they heard you call me a softie. They'd probably faint."

"Probably. Do you miss them?"

"Yeah, a bit. They were a pain in the ass. But the closest thing I had to a family. But I don't miss the violence and warfare." Then he grinned at him mischievously. "I prefer freezing to death together with you on a beach in Izumo."

Eiji rolled his eyes dramatically. "You overdramatize everything. Makes you sound like Yut Lung.", Eiji sneered, a challenging glint in his eyes.

"Please let that be the first and only time you compare me to that bitchy drama queen. Take that back. Now!"

When Eiji didn't comply, Ash pushed him underwater. But Eiji just hugged him tightly and pulled him underwater with him.

After some time, they went back to their belongings. Eiji handed him a towel. And some fresh clothes.

Ash glared at him dangerously. "You smug bastard. You've been planning that all along. Even down to the drenched clothes.

"Of course. You can't go to the beach without taking a swim."

"I don't know about Japan, but in Cape Cod we didn't swim in jeans and a t-shirt."

"That was entirely for my own entertainment. I've always wondered what you'd look like when drenched from head to toe. And I love when your hair is dripping wet.", he told him, grinning mischievously while brushing some wet strands out of his face and giving him a soft kiss on his lips.

Pure Surprise widened Ash's eyes before he looked away from him and feigned annoyance again.

"Being the softie you are, you would have never gone swimming with me, so I had to give you a little push. Literally."

Ash just frowned. "I didn't know you had a talent for scheming. I thought the evil mastermind was me…"

"I'm only a pro at fooling Ash Lynx. But I've achieved my goal." Eiji grinned at him triumphantly.

"Goal?"

"Yes, to see you smile again. Not that sad and forced smile you've had the last few days. But the genuine and bright smile that even reaches your eyes and makes them sparkle like emeralds. The one you have now."

"So now that my clueless boyfriend has finally realized I love him as well, I can finally call this our first official date and give you this." He handed him a little box.

"Boyfriend, huh? It has a nice ring to it when you say it."

He opened the box. Inside were two necklaces, one with an _A_ and one with an _E_ as a pendant.

"Look at the side of the letter.

At the side of each letter was a small engraving.

_Forever._


	16. It Was Fate Bringing Us Together

"A temple?", Ash complained while a frown emerged on his forehead, looking at Eiji suspiciously.

They had just gotten off at the bus station next to the railway station. The main road led them directly to the temple. Since today was supposed to be a perfectly sunny day, Eiji had dragged a really grumpy Ash out of bed early to go sight-seeing with him. Ash wasn't in the best mood, of course, still practically asleep while standing, looking slowly around.

"Why? You know I don't believe in stuff like that… And it's so damn early…", he whined, stifling a yawn.

Eiji rolled his eyes at him before his golden-brown eyes burnt with determination.

"But I do believe in it! Listen, grumpy cat, this temple is the reason we've met in New York in the first place. So it will always be special to me. And it should be to you as well.", he told him, knowing perfectly well that his words would surprise Ash and arouse his curiosity. He smiled knowingly when Ash's eyes suddenly lit up with interest while looking at him.

"What do you mean?"

Eiji smirked at him in smug self-satisfaction. "You remember the lucky charm my sister gave me before coming to New York?"

"Ash nodded. "The one that was supposed to mean safety? That you showed me on the roof?"

"Yes, that one. It's from this very temple. Although that airhead got me one that said _Good marriage."_, Eiji still complained.

"A safety charm would have been a better choice… Maybe then you wouldn't have been hurt.", Ash said in a low voice, glancing sideways as if speaking to himself.

"Ash…"

"But", Ash added, meeting his gaze again when hearing Eiji's serious tone, "knowing your sister, she probably did it on purpose because she wanted you to be happy."

Eiji's face relaxed instantly, his eyes glowing softly in the sunlight.

"Yeah, you're right. And, as you can see, the charm has worked. I've found you after all. And I'm convinced that we'd never have met otherwise. So it turned out well in the end. The charm has brought us together! That wasn't a coincidence. It was fate, Ash!", Eiji insisted, his brown eyes boring into Ash's.

"I don't believe in – Never mind. You'll never change, always a hopeless romantic.", Ash smirked at him. "But if that's really the case, I'm glad Hana gave you that charm. Because meeting you was the best thing ever happening to me."

"I feel the same, Ash. Let's go, ok?" Eiji smiled at him and took his hand.

They walked along the main road and looked at the buildings and shops and crossed an intersection. When Ash wanted to keep walking, Eiji stopped him, motioning at the torii gate in front of them.

"That's the first gate. It's the entrance for the Gods. Since you're just a lowly human, you have to bow before entering. Like all the people around us. Ash slowly looked around, watching all the other people entering for a while.

"Whatever...", he grumbled while nearing the gate. Eiji smiled anyway and teasingly pushed his head down.

"Stop that, Eiji!", Ash complained, glaring at him while getting up again.

"It was my apology to the Gods for bringing such a smartass that questions all their traditions to the temple.", Eiji grinned.

After that, they walked along the main road and Eiji explained some of the food and local art and crafts to him.

"What's with all the soba shops here? Is that typical food around here?", Ash asked, slowly waking up when smelling all the different dishes and snacks that were being prepared here.

"Yes, soba is made from buckwheat, but in this region, we're not only using the flour, but also the outer shells of the grain, so the noodles in this region have a darker color and a stronger flavor. We can try some on the way back. The shops aren't open yet."

Ash nodded and looked around some more. He looked at a local arts and craft store. "What are those?", motioning to some cranes with some symbols on them that were on display behind a window.

"Those are kites with the Chinese characters for "crane" or "tortoise" on them. They're good luck charms you can only find here at the temple. Cranes and tortoises are considered lucky creatures in Japan.", Eiji explained to him.

"And what about those things looking like commas?", he asked him curiously while pointing at another shop's window.

"Those are called Magatama.", Eiji explained.

"Maga –", Ash tried to mimic him, but gave up in frustration, his eyes darkening slightly. Ash wasn't used to fail at something with his superior intelligence. However, he still had a hard time pronouncing all the vowels in Japanese. If he had trouble pronouncing something, he always got that little frown between his eyes and his eyes tightened and the green color dimmed a bit.

"You look so cute when you're frustrated.", Eiji grinned at him. "Ma-ga-ta-ma. As you can see their comma-shaped beads. _Maga _means curved or bent and _tama _means precious stone or gem. They are a source of spiritual power and good fortune. You can see more of them on the way to the temple."

When they neared the second gate, Ash looked up curiously, staring at the gate more closely.

"Are the gates all made of a different material?", he asked while he inspected the gate.

"Finally, my genius boyfriend is waking up.", Eiji teased him, looking at his still sleepy eyes in amusement.

"Stop that crap, Eiji!, Ash complained while a faint trace of red spread across his cheeks. Eiji smirked, enjoying himself immensely. He moved slowly closer, looking directly into his eyes. Until their foreheads were nearly touching.

"The genius or the boyfriend part?", Eiji asked playfully.

"Both!", Ash replied a bit too harshly, his eyes burning intensely in the sunlight. Still, Ash couldn't hide the smile that spread across his face. He put an arm around Eiji's shoulder, a seductive smile on his face while he slowly moved closer and closer, making Eiji blush in return.

"Payback time! So, will my cute Japanese boyfriend educate me? Or will I have to take out my guide book that I promised him not to read so he can explain everything to me himself?"

"You've still read it. I knew it! Although I've told you not to. Damn book worm!", Eiji complained but his sparkling brown eyes betrayed him.

"No, I haven't. I've promised you not to after all.", Ash answered honestly. "But you haven't told me I couldn't take the book with me. Just in case. So educate me, Okumura-sensei." Ash gave him that wicked smile he usually got when teasing Eiji. The one Eiji hated but still couldn't resist anyway. Ash's eyes always got that naughty glint he was defenseless against…

"Damn smartass…", Eiji growled, snatching the book out of his hand and stuffing it into his own backpack.

"So pay close attention, my ignorant American. There are 4 different gates. The first is made out of stone, the second out of wood, the third out of metal and the fourth out of bronze. The reason for that is unclear. The most popular theory is that they represent nature's blessings."

They bowed again before entering the second gate. From here on they entered the inner grounds of the temple and on the left and right sides they were surrounded by nature, grass, trees and even a little creek.

"There is a little slope going down to Izumo Taisha. Most shrines in Japan are accessed by climbing, but Izumo Taisha is unique in Japan because you have to descend to reach it.", Eiji explained to him proudly. Ash nodded, looking around the area for a while.

"It's really beautiful here. And so quiet."

"It's only so quiet because we came here early. It's the weekend after all. It will be crowded in a few hours. So –"

"So you dragged me out of bed early because you know I still feel uncomfortable in huge crowds.", Ash finished for him, looking at him for confirmation. Eiji returned his gaze, smiling knowingly.

"Your smart mind is finally working again. But I also did it because it takes forever to wander around the temple grounds with thousands of other people around."

"Thank you, Eiji.", Ash said, giving him a quick kiss on his cheek. Eiji's eyes lit up as he beamed at him. Ash rarely initiated a kiss, even if it was a quick peck on the cheek. That's why Ash's kisses were so special to him.

On the way to the main location, Ash motioned to the right. There stood a little shrine made out of wood. It looked like a little house with a red roof. It was a bit elevated and some stairs were leading to the little shrine. The little shrine was surrounded by a little wooden fence and next to it stood a little sign explaining the meaning of the shrine to visitors. Meanwhile, the sun was hiding behind some clouds at the moment and Eiji shivered slightly, pulling his open jacket more tightly around himself.

However, his momentary shivering had more to do with the shrine and what he was about to explain to Ash than with the weather itself. Eiji was used to weather changes from sunny and warm to windy and fresh within minutes. He had grown up here after all.

Eiji stopped walking. Now came the hard part. It was practically the reason why he hadn't come here with Ash before...

"Eiji? What's wrong?", Ash stood in front of him, scrutinizing his face carefully. "You have that little frown between your eyes that you always get when you know that I won't like what you're going to tell me."

Eiji stared at him in surprise. Ash had never been good at reading his facial expressions, even though he had an open face that wasn't hiding anything. Still, since coming to Japan, he had slowly learned to read small details on his face. Like a frown on his forehead or narrowing eyebrows. When he scrunched up his face or scratched his nose. Eiji loved that he knew him so well, but sometimes it still caught him off guard. Eiji sighed dramatically before telling him.

"That's Harae no Yashiro, a shrine of purification. This is the place to purify your soul and body from sins and evil, to cleanse your spirit before proceeding further. The God who purifies the body and soul of the worshippers is enshrined here, Eiji explained, watching Ash's expression carefully, knowing perfectly well that Ash wouldn't like that.

"I'm leaving!", Ash abruptly said, glaring angrily at him, his eyes overshadowed by a mixture of sadness and self-loathing. He abruptly let go of his hand and walked stubbornly away, back the way they had come. Eiji took a deep breath. He had known all along that this part wouldn't be easy...

Ash had finally accepted that he deserved a better life, yet deep inside he still thought that he was a bad person and that is soul was unclean and tainted by all the blood he had shed. By all the people he had killed. Eiji ran after him, gripping his wrist.

"Ash, don't be like that. You have a beautiful soul. I can see it clearly in your eyes.", Eiji said, smiling up at him. Ash stubbornly avoided his gaze, eyes downcast to the ground. It was still early morning, so luckily there were no other people walking by and they had the place for themselves.

"It's impossible to purify my soul, Eiji! I've committed too many crimes for that.", Ash insisted, letting his shoulders droop while more blonde strands were falling into his face, covering up his pained expression. Eiji let go of his wrist and removed some strands out of his face. His green eyes had darkened and were reflecting Ash's inner turmoil.

"That's not true, Ash. I can see your pure soul every day.", Eiji assured him softly.

"That's impossible.", Ash replied stubbornly, crossing his arms. Even so, he didn't look away from him again and relaxed a bit when Eiji took his hand into his again.

"So you tell me I'm lying?", Eiji asked, raising his eyebrows at him.

"No!", Ash immediately said. "But –"

"You know the saying that the eyes are the windows to the soul?" Ash reluctantly nodded.

"That's from Shakespeare. King Richard III: Act V scene III.", Ash, the hopeless book worm automatically said, hiding behind the safety of literature and knowledge in a situation like that. Eiji grinned despite himself. Of course, Ash would know that.

"You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. When you're standing here and the sun breaks through the clouds, they shine like emeralds. So your soul is as beautiful. Besides, you regret the things you've done. That alone makes you a good person.", Eiji clarified, ruffling his messy blonde hair that had turned golden in the sunlight. Ash smiled at him sadly but didn't say anything.

"Come on. Let's give it a try.", he told him, dragging him along.

When he looked back at him, Eiji could see Ash wasn't fully convinced yet, but at least he let Eiji lead him to the shrine again.

At the moment when they were standing in front of it, a ray of sunlight hit the shrine, making it glow brightly.

Eiji put an arm around his shoulder. "See? The Gods forgave you. That was a sign."

A frown crossed Ash's forehead and Eiji was already waiting for his stubborn reply that believing in such things was stupid and naive. But then Ash's face softened again and a half-smile appeared on his lips.

"Maybe… Is it stupid that I want to believe in that?"

Eiji smiled and leaned his head on his shoulder. "No, it's never stupid to believe in a better future, Ash. That's the other reason why I've brought you here. It's said that Okuninushi, the God of good relationships and marriage is enshrined here. People pray to her for love and happiness, but also for good luck. I wanted to pray here together with you. For our happiness. But if you think it's stupid, you don't have to…"

Hearing Eiji's sad voice, Ash wanted to punch himself. Here he was standing like a pouting three-year-old while Eiji just wanted them both to be happy. All Eiji asked was that he prayed here with him. That wasn't too much to ask for. After all, he had done for him all these past months, it was the least he could do… And he could hear in Eiji's voice how much it meant to him…

"Eiji, I'm sorry for making things so hard for you. Thanks for showing me this temple. You've probably been waiting to show me this place that holds a special meaning for you for a long time… And I've behaved like a spoilt brat towards you.", he apologized honestly. Then he leaned his head against Eiji's.

"Of course, I'll pray with you if this temple is so important to you. Maybe I can ask for a job. Apart from happiness, I mean..."

"You really mean it?", Eiji beamed at him, his eyes lighting up instantly.

"Yes, I do. And then I'll buy you a safety charm."

"Ash…"

"I won't budge on that. You have a talent to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. With your poor sense of orientation, you'll eventually end up in some dark alley or something. You're a walking trouble magnet. I don't take any chances. I don't want to lose you again.", Ash stubbornly insisted.

"Fine. But I'll buy you one, too. But not one for safety…"

"Which one will you buy for me?"

"That's a secret.", he said mysteriously, winking at him. "You'll see later."

They walked across a bridge and after bowing in front of the third gate and walking through, they reached a path with a row of pine trees on either side. This is called the Matsu no Sando. In English that would probably be the Pine Tree Approach Way. Worshippers walk on either side of the trees, but not in the middle because the center is said to be the path the God's take.", Eiji explained.

After walking for a while along the shadow of the pine trees they neared the end of the path and saw a place where more people were around. It looked like a pavilion with a place in the middle with clear running water.

"What's that?", Ash asked curiously, pointing at it. "Looks like some kind of ritual?"

"It is. It's called _Temizuya_. It's a place where you purify your hands and mouth with water.

When Ash's had clenched his hand into a fist so hard his knuckles turned white, Eiji put an arm around his shoulder again.

"Don't run away again. Ash, you're way overthinking all of that. It's just a ritual to honor the Gods. Because you're nearing the last gate and will be entering soon the shrine's innermost and therefore holy ground."

Ash relaxed but still looked glumly at him. "As a foreigner no one expects you to do it.", Eiji explained to him. "Are you still going to do it? For me?", Eiji asked him, giving him his brightest smile while taking both of his hands in his, caressing the back of them with his thumbs. A faint blush ran across Ash's cheeks while he looked at him.

"Eiji, that's not fair. You know I can't resist that smile…"

After a moment Ash sighed dramatically. "Fine, you win. So, what am I supposed to do?"

First, Eiji did it and explained to him how it was done and then Ash copied him.

"The dipper is called _hishaku. _Using your right hand, you let some water flow over your left hand. Then you switch hands and do the same again. Then you stop up some water with the dipper, pour it in the palm of your left hand and use it to rinse your mouth."

At the beginning, Ash still looked questioningly at the other people around him. However, after some time he relaxed while his eyes brows tightened in deep concentration while he tried to remember Eiji's movements from before. Eiji observed him, nodding approvingly at him.

When Ash was finished, Eiji motioned to the water. "Use the dipper again to let water flow over your left hand, but not all the water. Then put the dipper upright to let the remaining water rinse the handle. Make sure the dipper is empty before returning it to its place, so the next person can use it."

Ash nodded, doing it the way Eiji had told him. When they were done they walked towards the main grounds, bowed in front of the last gate and reached a huge open space. The first and biggest building was the Haiden, the worship hall.

Ash stared at it with interest and looked at the building more closely.

"Prayers and dedication ceremonies are performed here. In front of this building is also the main place where worshippers pray to _Okuninushi-no-Okami.", _Eiji explained patiently.

"The Worship Hall is the place where the main Shinto deity Okuninushi is worshipped during the renovation of the Main Hall. The main hall is maintained regularly, so the Haiden is often used instead."

"So that's the place you wanted us to pray?", Ash asked him while looking at the building

There was a main building with a big roof, entirely made of brown wood. Under the roof, the walls were covered with beautiful golden ornaments. From the main building, there were two connecting paths to each side that led to a smaller wooden building that looked similar and had the same roof, only a size smaller.

"So how do you pray here? I bet you have rules for that, too. Japanese people seem to have rules for everything."

Eiji glared at him. "You only say that because you were practically an outlaw living only by his own rules. You wanted a normal life. This is it. Like any other country, we have rules, laws and customs you're supposed to follow."

"But I get the feeling that Japan has many more rules than other countries… Anyway, what am I supposed to do?"

"You see that?, Eiji asked, motioning to a little wooden box. "That's an offering box. You put coins in it. There's no set amount of money. Then you bow twice, clap your hands four times, then you say a silent prayer or make a wish. At the end, you bow once again.

Ash nodded slowly. "So, what do you pray here for normally?"

Eiji looked shyly at him, suddenly quiet again.

"Love. And good relationships. That's why I wanted to take you here. To pray for our happiness. Our future.", he said a bit timidly.

"Our future, huh? That sounds nice…", Ash repeated in a low voice.

"But you can also pray for good luck or any other thing you want. But, Ash, the prayer has to be about yourself. Or us. Because knowing you, you'd pray for my happiness and not for yours. Pray for something you wish for.", Eiji told him sternly, his brown eyes piercing into Ash's. Ash's eyes widened, then his mouth opened and closed again as he stared at him. After a moment his gaze softened and his features turned into a half-smile.

"Eiji, you know you're scary as hell sometimes, right? The way you can read my mind…", Ash complained while looking away from him. "I've never thought about my future before…", he added in a low voice as if contemplating hard about what the future could be like.

"Ash, it's a prayer, not an entrance exam for Harvard University. Just pray for anything that comes to your mind, ok?" Ash smiled sheepishly at him before determination was reflected in his green eyes.

"Fine, let's do it. You begin."

After praying they walked around the main grounds for a while. Eiji explained the three red dots on the ground, telling him how in 2000 wooden pillars estimated to be from the 12th century were unearthed on the shrine grounds. Each pillar was made from three huge trees bound together to make a giant pillar three meters in diameter. Their pillars were found to be in the shape described in a construction plan belonging to the head priest of Izumo Taisha.

"The original main hall was said to be twice as high, approximately 48 meters but that wasn't accepted as fact for a long time since building a shrine at such a height in ancient times was inconceivable. This discovery has made the existence of the ancient main hall more realistic. The site has been covered again, of course. But the symbols set in the ground show the location of these original pillars.", Eiji explained to him.

"Let's just walk to the Kaguraden. It's a bit separate from the main complex. It means sacred dance hall." He led Ash to the building and watched how he looked at it with widening eyes, a satisfied smile dawning on his features.

"Is that a straw rope?", Ash asked curiously while looking up. The building looked like the one before with a big roof. With the difference that on the outside, at the same height as the ceiling, there was a giant straw rope hanging from one side to the other. The rope was so thick no one could embrace it with two arms.

"Yes and no. It's a sacred Shinto straw rope. We call it _shimenawa. _It's 13.5 meters long and weighs 4.5 tons. It's amazing, right? A _shimenawa_ divides the space between the sacred area where Gods are enshrined and the outside world.", Eiji clarified for him.

"That's really amazing. Is that done by hand?"

"It is indeed. It's also replaced with a new one regularly. Several dozen old people from Tonbaru village of Iinancho town, Shimane, create the ropes themselves.", Eiji elaborated further.

"It's also one of the biggest ropes of that kind in Japan.", Eiji added when he saw Ash looking at it in fascination, his green eyes widening while inspecting it more closely.

"It's a really beautiful place, Eiji. Thanks for showing me around. Your country has such a long history. You'd never find such ancient buildings in America… It's fascinating…", he admitted honestly.

"I've always dreamed of showing you Izumo. Back in New York, I mean. I knew you'd love it here. Not just Izumo but Japan in general.", Eiji replied, looking up at him. "I've always wanted to show you a different world. One where you could live the life you've always wished for. The normal life you've dreamed of."

"Yeah, I've imagined that as well. Coming to Izumo with you. I've just never thought it'd really come true…", Ash admitted honestly while looking at him. "But I'm glad to be here with you now. I think I've found a real home this time. Thanks to you." While they walked on, Ash grabbed his arm and suddenly grinned at him mischievously, a mocking glint in his eyes.

"So, where do we find those charms you've mentioned?"

After they had bought some charms, they walked the same way back that up they had come.

"So, how about we try some soba now? I'm starving.", Eiji said. "I bet you' ll like it."

"Sounds great."

They were walking the same way back when Ash stopped in front of a store. Ash asked him to wait for him before he entered the arts and craft store.

When he came back, he had a small bag in hand and a bright smile on his face.

After a while, they found a soba shop and had lunch there.

Before they started eating they took out the charms they had bought. Both of them had bought one for happiness. Ash had bought Eiji one for safety as he had already promised him.

"Which one did you get me?

Eiji took it out. Ash stared at it trying to read it, then smiled. On the one Eiji had bought him stood

_Long Life._

Ash gave Eiji the bag from the shop earlier and Eiji opened it. Inside were two magatamas, one in golden brown and one in emerald green. Eiji beamed at him, his eyes sparkling with happiness.

"Magatama. They're so beautiful, Ash!"

"I thought they'd match our eye color.", Ash said, a bit shyly.

They really do. It's such a sweet idea, Ash. Thank you." Eiji put the green one around his neck before giving him a quick peck on the cheek. Then he put the brown one around Ash's neck, looking softly at him, seeing a faint blush escaping from his cheeks.

Ash looked a bit flustered before he took Eiji's hand in his. "Thank you for staying with a dense idiot like me. I love you, Eiji."

Ash had never bought them anything romantic before. He had only slowly realized that Eiji loved him as well and wanted to stay by his side. Even after Eiji began telling him he loved him, Ash had needed some time until the truth had really sunken in. Until he was able to return the phrase to him. So Eiji was overjoyed when he tried to do such little things that were his way of saying _I love you. _

After that, Eiji ordered Soba and they ate it in silence. Eiji loved how Ash's eyes lit up when tasting soba for the first time.

"That's delicious. It really has a stronger flavor. I just know the soba noodles from New York but they weren't this dark. And the flavor was different."

"That's because soba is made differently here in Izumo as I've explained you on the way to the temple. It's typical of this region. I love the soba noodles of this region. It tastes like home.", Eiji added, a dreamlike expression in his eyes. Only then Eiji realized how insensitive that had been.

"Sorry, I didn't – "

"It's fine, Eiji. As far as I'm concerned this is my first real home.", Ash simply said as a matter-of-fact while he continued eating.

"It's great that you think so. And that you like Izumo so much it feels like home to you."

"It's not Izumo that feels like home, dumbass.", Ash scolded him softly. "Although I really love Izumo and how quiet and peaceful it is." Eiji just stared at him with a blank face, apparently missing something.

"Home for me is wherever you are, Eiji."


	17. Legends Never Die

"Just five more minutes!"

Eiji tried to get up to take a shower and make coffee, but Ash was clinging to him, refusing to move.

Since Ash had stood in front of Eiji's room after a terrifying nightmare a few weeks ago, Eiji had convinced him to sleep next to him. Ash had stubbornly refused at first, not wanting to trouble Eiji with his nightmares and interrupt his sleep all the time. Eiji, however, had patiently explained to Ash that he had slept more soundly, and his nightmares had appeared less often when he had slept next to him. They had often fallen asleep on the sofa together or on his bed while watching a movie, and Ash had always slept peacefully next to him.

If Ash was perfectly honest with himself, he had observed that as well. He really slept much better next to Eiji, and his sleep was interrupted less often. Eiji called that slow recovery, describing it as a sign of healing and overcoming his trauma. He told him he couldn't expect miracles, but he would slowly get better. Eiji just wanted to help him and worried about him. Even Ash had realized that by now. The confidence and the compassion reflected in Eiji's chocolate brown eyes made Ash finally give in and accept his offer.

Still, Eiji had a hard time waking him up every morning. Ash had the habit of clinging to him like a lifeline while his head rested on Eiji's chest. Eiji had explained to Ash that he didn't mind, that it also helped him because he sometimes had nightmares as well. Eiji had told him that after all he had gone through, it was understandable that he needed to feel Eiji next to him to relax and finally sleep soundly.

However, he constantly complained that he was a hopeless sleepy head and impossible to wake up. Eiji always tried to be annoyed with him, but his honest features and his soft voice always gave him away. He was incapable of hiding the faint smile playing on his lips and always messed up his hair affectionately when scolding him. He was convinced that he had to go through hell to deserve meeting an angel like Eiji.

Eiji always found new methods to get him out of bed. One time he had kissed him, and Ash had been so shocked he had fallen out of bed, cursing. Eiji had just smirked wickedly. Another time he had only held a bowl of natto in front of his face, knowing Ash couldn't stand the smell with nearly the same result.

"Ash, that's what you told me fifteen minutes ago. "You have to be on time today. Don't you have your written exam today?"

"Yeah.", Ash mumbled into the cushions while still clinging to him. "So?"

"So wake up already, or you'll be late. Japanese people are really strict. They can exclude you from the exam if you're late.", Eiji warned him.

"Fine.", Ash slowly muttered before finally releasing Eiji, but not getting up, burying his face in the blanket instead.

Eiji sighed deeply before leaving the room, probably to shower and prepare coffee. He had apparently fallen asleep again because the next time, Eiji stood in front of him with a cup of coffee for him while scowling.

"Ash! You're a lost cause, you know that?", he chastised him. Yet, he couldn't hide the amusement in his voice. He handed him a cup of coffee. "Drink this, grumpy cat."

Ash finally sat up and looked up at Eiji, nipping at the coffee. Eiji stood there wrapped just in a towel, his hair still dripping wet and smelling like this flowery shampoo he always used.

"Have I ever told you that I love it when your hair is dripping wet?", he said seductively.

He finally got up and removed some wet strands out of Eiji's face. He saw a faint blush run across his face when he moved closer. Suddenly, Eiji's eyes were overpowered by determination as he put a hand on his chest and pushed him away.

"No kisses before you haven't showered and gotten dressed!", Eiji told him sternly before moving to the kitchen to make breakfast. Ash pouted, but Eiji couldn't see it anymore. Then he sighed, put his cup of coffee on the table, and went to shower and dress.

While they were having breakfast in their kitchen, Ash tried to decipher a Japanese newspaper while Eiji looked through some photos for a last assignment he had to hand in a few days later.

Then Ash put the paper down and looked at Eiji, who was still looking through his photos. Feeling Ash's gaze on him, he looked up again.

"Why are you staring at me like that?", he asked curiously. "You want to ask me something?"

Ash nodded and was about to do so when Eiji looked at the clock hanging in the kitchen.

"Shit, we have to go, or we'll be late.", Eiji exclaimed. "I've lost track of time while looking through my photos. You'll be late for your exam!"

He stuffed the photos into his bag and took his camera. Ash grabbed his bag as well, and they left the apartment in a hurry.

"Calm down, Eiji. We still have enough time. If we run, that is.", he grinned wickedly when they were outside. He put his bag around his shoulder and grabbed Eiji's hand. Then he started running as fast as he could.

"Ash, wait!", while Ash pulled him along running. "All the people are staring at us! What will they think?"

"Probably that we're late?", Ash called back while continuing to run at lightning-fast speed, dragging Eiji along behind him.

"That's not the way to the language school!"

"It's a short cut. I've calculated the shortest route to my language school.", Ash called out while dragging him through small alleys, backyards and house entrances. Too bad he couldn't see Eiji's astonished face.

When they reached his language school, he still had ten minutes until his exam. Eiji needed a moment to catch his breath.

"How in the world did you calculate that route? I didn't even know most of the back alleys, and I've grown up here." Ash just grinned at him.

"Of course, I've memorized the entire map of Izumo.", Ash explained matter-of-factly. Then he looked at Eiji in amusement who had bent down, hands on his knees, and was still breathing heavily.

"Weren't you an athlete? Out of shape?"

"Shut up, you damn idiot. You haven't worked out since coming to Japan, either. There are beads of sweat on your forehead, too." He gave him a dirty look, pointing at him.

"Besides, this wouldn't have happened if you had gotten up in time!", he gasped out.

"Now go! If you fail your exam because you're late, I'll wake you up at 6 a.m. every day and feed you natto for the rest of the month.", he threatened him.

Ash's features twisted in pure disgust, and Eiji grinned smugly at him.

"Don't you dare. The last time you prepared natto, our whole apartment stank like that for three days.", he complained. He winked at him before entering the building. "See you at lunch."

"Good luck!"

~

After his exam, Ash went to his favorite café that was situated next to his language school and also to Eiji's college. He had discovered it after they had enrolled for their courses at the beginning of the semester. When seeing it, Ash had abruptly stopped walking and had stared at the café with wide eyes. What had caught Ash's attention at once was that they had books lying on every table. When he had peeked inside, he had noticed that shelves occupied every corner of the café with books in several languages. Seeing how Ash's eyes were practically glued to the window, Eiji had just rolled his eyes and had dragged him inside for a coffee.

Ash had liked the cafe at once. It kind of reminded him a bit of the Public library. The café had the same tables and uncomfortable wooden chairs, and the floor was made of the same dark wood and gave the café a vintage and rustic atmosphere. As he had seen from outside, all the walls were covered with shelves filled with books, newspapers and magazines in a variety of languages.

At the center of the cafe was the counter where you could order a coffee to go on the right side. On the left side, we're some bar stools where you could also sit at the counter and watch the barista prepare your coffee. Old-fashioned lamps only dimly lit the cafe, and there were quotes and pictures of famous writers everywhere he looked. He instantly fell in love with this café and knew that's where he would enjoy his second cup of coffee of the day.

Eiji had smiled when he had seen his astonished face and his widening eyes while slowly looking around like a little kid that visited a sweets store for the first time. He had remembered that the café had been famous for their excellent coffee, and it had been one of his favorite places before going to New York. Eiji had told Ash he hadn't recognized it at the beginning because it had relocated to the other side of college since he'd gone to New York.

Looking around, many international students spent time here because they had international newspapers and books, which was rare in a small town like Izumo. They also held literary events from time to time, collaborating with the literature department. There were flyers everywhere announcing the next events. Most were readings of local authors, but they also had collaborations with some professors about international literature and classics. Some even were held in English.

Eiji had told him the café belonged to the family of his former classmate. They had been really good friends, but the family had moved to the US when he was sixteen. He hadn't known if they were back in Japan. Eiji swore that before leaving Japan, they had made the best coffee in Izumo, and if he was lucky, they still had an American brand. The couple running the café at the time had been an American-Japanese couple whose aim was to create an international atmosphere. They also had a passion for literature and arts and supported local artists and the college.

Ash had tasted the coffee and fuck, that finally tasted like good coffee. Eiji had burst out laughing when he had seen his face light up when trying it. Ash had often complained to Eiji that the coffee in Japan just tasted different from the one in New York. Coffee was supposed to be bittersweet darkness, but as far as Ash was concerned, Japan took the bitter part to another level. Eiji had just told him this was just the way coffee tasted like in Japan and to use some sugar. That it wasn't any use whining about it because they both couldn't change it.

So when language school and college started, he usually hung out here until Eiji's courses would finish. They took an hour longer, so he often sat down here and finished his Japanese homework or just read a book while enjoying a good cup of coffee.

At first, the other people were on their guard and had been staring at him from time to time. However, it had never been hostile; they were just shooting curious glances in his direction. He guessed it couldn't be helped. Naturally blonde hair and green eyes were a rare sight in Japan. But they eventually got used to him spending his time here.

When Ash came in, the café was empty since most students came to study here in the afternoon. Ash slowly looked around and noticed there were only a few people here. Most of the regular customers at this hour he knew by now. The businesswomen who enjoyed her coffee her while going over some documents. An older man who was writing and from his eccentric behavior and his disheveled clothes had to be a writer. A younger couple, probably students, who enjoyed a late breakfast here. A group of students who spent time here enjoying themselves until they started working on a group project. And another man who sat at the counter, sipping his coffee while watching the people around him.

Ash had gotten to know one of the baristas here and started to like him when he had stumbled over the few Japanese words he knew while ordering a coffee here the first time. It had been his first day at language school. He had read all the books Eiji's sister had given him and therefore had been told to enroll in the advanced course. He could remember kanji and all the other writing systems pretty quickly but had a hard time pronouncing Japanese syllables. In Japanese, vowels were the key to the language, after all. So his grammar and writing were excellent, but his pronunciation was a disaster. At least his teachers had told him so. That and Hana's books never talked about ordering a coffee in Japanese since they were directed at Japanese students and not foreigners like him.

When Ash had gloriously failed to order in Japanese, the barista had watched him with an amused grin on his face for a moment before saying the magical words Ash had thought he'd never hear in Izumo.

"Just order in English. It's fine."

Pure relief had run over Ash's face as he gave him a grateful look. He had honey brown hair tied back in a ponytail with some shorter strands dangling at the sides of his face, and there was a mischievous glint in his coffee-brown eyes that aroused Ash's interest. His skin was tanned from the sun from spending much time outside in the sun.

"Thank God, I hate how Japanese pronunciation is all about vowels."

"Yeah, it can be hard at first. But you'll get used to it. Language school?"

"Yeah. First day."

"Good luck then." He took Ash's order and smiled warmly at him. "Where are you from?"

"New York. You're American, too?", he asked, wondering why his English was so good. He seemed to be fluent in Japanese as well since he switched effortlessly from English to Japanese while talking to his customers.

"You're half right." When Ash looked at him in confusion, he elaborated further."I'm half Japanese and half American. I grew up here in Izumo, but my family moved to the States a few years back. San Francisco.

Ash smiled. "It's nice to meet someone who speaks English fluently.", Ash admitted honestly.

"I'm Ash."

"Rai."

"Like _The Catcher in the Rye?"_

"Yes, more or less. But it's written R – A – I. No one in the US could write it correctly. They either wrote Ray or Rye." He pointed to his book. "You're a book worm through and through, huh?"

"Meaning?", Ash frowned up at him.

"It was a compliment, Ash. Not many people appreciate literature nowadays."

This time Ash really smiled up at him. "This café is nice. Reminds me of New York a bit."

"Then, I'll probably see you more often from now on."

Ash nodded. "Probably."

There was something about Rai's behavior that felt somehow familiar. His cheerful attitude reminded him of someone, but he couldn't place it. For now. He was pretty popular and talked with most of the customers in a familiar way while serving them. He had an easygoing way that cheered everyone up. Even Ash. And if he was perfectly honest, he had missed talking to someone else in his mother tongue. He had only realized how much just at that very moment.

Ash usually didn't talk to anyone else and just read books or did his Japanese homework. As a foreigner, it wasn't exactly easy to find friends. Especially when you can barely speak Japanese. And if you had severe trust issues and had to learn that not everyone talking to you had ulterior motives and wanted to kill you...

He couldn't care less about finding friends. For him, it was enough he had Eiji by his side. He knew, however, that it was important to Eiji that he also had a social life in his new hometown. For Eiji, it was a sign he had settled down here.

Still, since Rai had found out he loved literature, he often talked to him before or after his shift and wasn't phased by Ash's monosyllabic responses in the least. At the beginning, Ash was just annoyed that he interrupted his reading, but when he had told him he studied literature, his interest was sparked, and he slowly began warming up to him. When Ash threw a death glare at him or was unnecessarily rude, Rai instantly saw through his motives or just ignored it. Yet, his death glare hadn't scared him away. Eventually, Ash lowered his guard, enjoyed their conversation about literature and relaxed. Not that he would ever admit that. But maybe Eiji was right, and people in Izumo were harmless.

Today, Eiji had a group project which took longer than usual, so when Ash was finished with his homework, he read _The Old Man And The Sea_. While reading his book, he noticed someone standing in front of his table. To his credit, he didn't flinch. He just didn't react, hoping he would go away if he kept ignoring him long enough. Suddenly, another cup of coffee was placed in front of him. That made Ash finally look up.

"I didn't order another one.", Ash said, frowning up at Rai.

"It's on the house. I wondered if you could do me a favor. Please, I need your help."

Ash didn't say anything and waited expectantly for him to go on.

"I saw you reading _The Old Man and the Sea_. I have to write an essay about the meaning of the marlin in that work. But I have no clue about Hemingway."

"No.", Ash replied sternly without looking at him, returning to his book.

"What?", he asked in bewilderment. "Why not?" Ash sighed, finally put his book down and looked at him.

"Did you read the book? And with reading I mean the book and not a summary from SparkNotes.", Ash asked him.

"Yes, I've read the book. Most boring hours of my life. But I'm just not into Hemingway."

"I think you study literature?", Ash asked. "I don't waste my time helping people who don't appreciate Hemingway.", Ash stubbornly replied while continuing with his book. When Rai's face fell, and he practically begged him for help, he finally looked up at him again.

"I won't help you correct your essays you write behind the counter while working."

Rai looked at him, pure surprise crossing his face.

"How did you – "

"I'll help you if you write another version of your essay at home while really concentrating and thinking hard about the topic, researching it, and writing everything down at the end. Then show me the result tomorrow, and I'll see what I can do.", he promised him, half-smiling.

"Really? Thanks, Ash! You're a lifesaver!" Ash's cheeks flushed in embarrassment before he looked away.

"So, what can I do for you in return? Besides the coffee, I mean?"

"Nothing, it's f – " Ash stopped himself suddenly and pulled out a book. "Can you correct these? It's my Japanese homework."

Eiji had to finish a final project so he wouldn't find the time to do it, and he didn't want to bother him. His exam was over, but the course wasn't finished until his oral exam next week. Rai nodded, smiling.

"Let's see... this exercise is correct. But you have to correct this one and this one.", he explained to him, circling them with a pencil. "These are irregular verbs with a different form. You want me to write them down?" Ash nodded, squinting at the signs he'd written down. Rai smiled knowingly, took an extra sheet of paper, and wrote them bigger and more slowly. Ash smiled at him gratefully and relaxed as recognition flashed in his eyes.

"Thanks."

~

When Ash and Eiji returned home, Eiji brought the ingredients for their dinner into the kitchen before returning to their living room.

"Ash, don't let all of your belongings fall where you stand.", he scolded him when Ash had collapsed onto the sofa. "Tidy that up. Now! Your Japanese exercises are covering the whole floor.", he added while picking up some of them and shoving them into his face. "I'm not your maid, you know!"

"Fine." Ash finally stood up, took the papers Eiji had pushed into his face, and collected the rest. Eiji looked at some of them with new interest, looking over his shoulder while standing on his tiptoes, his arms flung around his shoulders. "Who corrected them for you? I don't recognize the handwriting."

Ash thought at first, he was suspicious. Yet, when he looked back at Eiji, he just looked curious, and his huge, honest eyes just reflected pure warmth while he looked at him. He really should have known Eiji better. While he always expected the worst in people, Eiji always saw the good in people first. Despite all his horrible experiences in New York, that innocent belief in people had never changed. It was a part of Eiji he truly loved and admired. He smiled at Eiji and told him what had happened.

"Someone at the café did. He saw me reading Hemingway and asked me if I could look through his Hemingway essay. I asked him if he could help me with my homework in return since your busy with your latest project. So he did.", Ash told him honestly.

Suddenly Eiji beamed at him, and his whole face radiated pure happiness while his eyes were shining, changing to a golden-brown color.

_"You made a friend, Ash! That's great!"_

Pure surprise crossed Ash's face as he stared at Eiji. The idea that he could have found a friend had never crossed his mind at all...

_Is he right? Have I really found a friend...?_

A smile lit up Ash's face while he looked at Eiji. "A friend, huh? Maybe...", he muttered more to himself, breaking eye contact and shrugging. Did he deserve a friend? He had understood that Eiji loved him by now, but he still had a hard time trusting other people.

Eiji had read his mind again because he looked at him in this intense way he had while taking both of his hands and coming so close that their foreheads were touching.

"Ash, you deserve a good friend. You're kind, smart and the best friend anyone could have, ok? But your stubborn attitude always gets in your way. Please don't distance yourself from him. Give him a chance to become your friend, ok? This isn't New York. Most people are nice here. But you have to give them a chance to get to know you."

Ash pulled back but didn't let go of his hands while he lowered his gaze.

"Thank you, Eiji. I think you're right. It's just hard for me to trust anyone besides you. But I'm trying, I promise."

Eiji gently touched his chin and moved it up again so that he looked into his eyes. "Ash, I know you are. And I knew it's not easy for you. I'd like to meet your friend eventually. When Ash flinched, Eiji put a hand on his shoulder.

"It doesn't have to be now. Just someday, ok?"

Relief washed over Ash's features, and he relaxed again. Then he nodded. "I promise."

Then he hesitated for a moment. "What about you, Eiji? You always tell me about your friends you do projects with. Why haven't I met them?", he asked, sadness darkening his green eyes.

"You don't – "

"It's not what you think.", Eiji interrupted him. "I just didn't know if you felt comfortable meeting them.", Eiji explained patiently. "They sure want to meet you.", he added, smiling at him.

"They do? Why?", he asked while his eyebrows furrowed a bit.

Eiji scratched his cheek nervously while avoiding his gaze. "I kind of talk about you. A lot. So they asked me if they could meet you for lunch one day. You can meet them next week if you'd like? The semester is over, and we have more free time then."

"Sure. So what have you told them about me?", Ash asked curiously.

"The truth.", Eiji simply said.

"That I'm a ruthless gang leader from New York?"

"No, you idiot.", he scolded him, smacking him lightly at the back of his head. "That you're brilliant, kind and a hopeless book worm. And that I love you." He had added the last one while his cheeks flushed in a faint pink color. "And I've shown them a picture of you. I always get the same reaction when I do that.", Eiji complained softly but didn't stop smiling.

"Which is?"

"People always ask me. _You're dating someone like him? How did you manage that? He looks like a supermodel!"_

Ash grinned despite himself. "They're exaggerating. It's probably just because they've never seen blonde hair. You're pretty handsome yourself, Eiji."

Eiji didn't answer and merely shrugged. Ash put an arm around him, whispering something into his ear.

"You'll always be the most handsome guy to me, Eiji. I could drown happily in your warm eyes."

Then he looked into his eyes, turning serious. "But it's not only about looks. You have the most beautiful and brilliant soul I have ever seen. And you possess the kindest heart. That's what makes you special. You shine from the inside. Everyone can see that."

Pure happiness was reflected in Eiji's eyes before he turned around and slowly kissed him. Ash was surprised but returned the kiss, pulling him closer.

"Thank you, Ash. I'm so glad I've met you. I love you."

Ash just froze up for a second before a genuine smile crossed his face.

"I love you, too. You're just too good to be true. Sometimes I think I'm dreaming and that I'll wake up without you."

"That will never happen. I've never been so happy. My dream has come true, after all."

"Which is?"

"To take you to Japan where you don't need a gun and can live the peaceful life you've always wished for." The softest smile escaped Ash's lips as he smiled at Eiji.

"Eiji, dreams should be about your happiness, not someone else's. But this is so you. Thank you for convincing a clueless idiot like me to come here. I'm happy here. With you by my side.

After a moment, he put an at around his shoulder, adding with a grin:

"Let's make dinner, ok? I'm starving. I was on time for my exam. So no natto, please."

~

"So, what do you think?", asked Rai hopefully after Ash had read his essay.

"It's not bad, but you should add more in-depth-analysis about the meaning of the marlin in Hemingway's book."

"Such as?"

Ash scribbled something underneath his essay and continued on the back. It wasn't just notes but two whole pages of analysis with quotes and references. Rai stared at him with wide eyes as he wrote all of that without looking at the book even once.

"How did you do that? You wrote that in less than five minutes. And how do you know all the quotes of the book by heart to prove your point? And all the references? Are you a fucking genius or what?"

"Something like that.", Ash said, embarrassed at Rai's outburst of amazement.

"Will you check my homework now?"

"Yes, of course." He corrected the few mistakes Ash had made.

"Fuck, I made the same mistake yesterday. A genius looks different."

Ash sat on the counter today because Rai had to work behind the counter and was responsible for accepting and putting away all the goods that were delivered before his shift was over. The café was pretty empty like most mornings, so there was only one other person sitting at the counter.

While Rai stowed away coffee beans and other supplies, he watched Ash curiously, who continued reading The Old Man And The Sea.

"Why do you love Hemingway so much?"

"I love how he describes loneliness.", Ash answered without looking up from his book.

_Even when I was in a crowd, I was always alone._

That made Ash finally look up from his book in surprise, his eyes widening.

"You kind of remind me of that phrase from Hemingway. You look so lonely most of the time. Although it slowly fades away. You didn't come to Japan to be lonely, right?", he asked him, smiling.

Ash smirked at him. "No, I was blackmailed into coming here."

Rai grinned at him. "Your eyes tell something different. They reveal that you're happier and more content now. The reason is probably someone whose name begins with an E.", he added, pointing to the necklace Ash was playing with.

"You're pretty observant. It's Eiji. The name of the one dragging me to Japan."

The barista's jaw practically hit the floor as he stared at him. "Eiji as in Okumura Eiji, our pole-vaulting star?", he gasped, nearly dropping the cup of coffee he had just prepared for himself.

"You're dating him of all people?", he exclaimed a bit too loudly.

"Yes, that's him. Why are you so surprised?", Ash asked while his eyes tightened, the color darkening slightly.

"Because I went to school with him and he had never been interested in dating or a relationship. I don't think he's ever dated anyone while in school. Or college.", Rai explained. As a nice guy and a successful pole-vaulter, he had enough offers, but he turned everyone down. The only thing he cared for was pole-vaulting."

Ash smiled, a bit relieved. He had been worried to admit he was dating a guy in Japan because he didn't know how people here would react. Rai paused a moment before continuing.

"I just wondered how you've done that. Getting him to date you, I mean. You're pretty handsome, no doubt. But if Eiji hasn't changed much, he wouldn't be this shallow and only date you for your beautiful face. He would only date you if he truly loved you."

"He apparently does. Beats me, why.", Ash muttered while fumbling with the necklace.

"It's pretty obvious to me. You're just a nice guy. Behind your stubborn attitude and your rude outbursts, that is." Ash just glared at him but didn't reply. Deep down, he knew he had a point.

When he opened his purse and slid some money across the counter, he accidentally pulled a photo out along with the money without noticing.

"You dropped this.", Rai said, handing it back. "Is that you and Eiji?"

"Yes.", Ash said, his features softening at once when looking at it. He showed it to him. It was the photo Eiji had given to him a few months before when they had just moved here. In the picture, Ash was sleeping soundly, his head resting on Eiji's shoulder. Eiji was sitting next to him on the sofa, his hand draped protectively across Ash's shoulder, pulling him close.

Rai smirked. "So nothing has changed. He still looks like a grade-schooler.", he said, laughing.

Ash grinned back. "Yes. But don't tell him that. He'll get mad as hell."

Then Ash's gaze shifted somewhere else. He had started observing a guy who sat next to him and had drawn his attention by fumbling nervously with his sleeves. Droplets of sweat were running down his temples while he drank his coffee. Ash had seen him before and had noticed that he was watching the routine behind the counter a bit too carefully. His instinct had told him that he meant trouble. However, he often overreacted, so he had just watched him these last few days.

He had noticed how he had been watching the café's routine for the last few days. It was what he had done if he had planned an attack. First, you learned the routine of the place and their employees, then you learned the outline of the site and where the real money was located. Then you strike. The person was a complete beginner, though. The way he was acting it was completely obvious. He probably was just desperate because he had lost his job or something similar. He had never done anything like that before. He would perhaps try to steal a purse, or he would rob the café. Which Ash would prevent at all costs. This was his second home, after all.

So Ash pretended not to care and held his book in his right hand, continuing to read.

When the guy wanted to leave, Ash grabbed his wrist lightning-fast and kept a firm grip, making it impossible for him to do so.

"Give it back! Now!", Ash ordered in Japanese, his voice turning suddenly ice-cold and his eyes glowing dangerously in the dim lighting. The guy cried out in pain and fought against his grip but stood no chance against him.

Finally, some action. I was slowly getting bored.

"Ash, what the hell – ", Rai exclaimed, complete shock on his face. "Let him go!"

Without looking at him, Ash said:

"Your purse. You have a bad habit of leaving it on the counter."

"Shit! It's gone!", Rai exclaimed in a panic, looking for it everywhere.

"Yeah, of course, it's gone. He's stolen it. Or do you think I'm keeping him from leaving just for fun?", Ash answered calmly as if discussing the latest soccer results with him.

"Tell him for me that he should give it back, and if he ever comes back here, I'll give him a treat he'll remember for the rest of his life.", Ash said, still looking at the stranger with a death glare, making him tremble in fear.

Rai translated, his voice shaking badly while doing so. When the guy didn't react, Ash twisted his arm in an unnatural way behind his back until he screamed out in pain and cowered on the floor.

While still having a firm grip on his arm, Ash looked through his bag and finally found the purse. Along with ten others, probably customers of this cafe. Ash handed the purse back to Rai. "Check it. Especially the money.", he told him in a serious tone, still focused on the guy in front of him and holding him down.

When Rai nodded that everything was fine, Ash let go of him. The man rubbed his arm and stormed out of the café as fast as he could and rounded a corner. Without his backpack. "You should call the police. I took a photo of him."

Rai came to him and put an arm around his shoulder. Ash was surprised at first, but to his credit, he didn't do anything to block it. He just said, "Stop it!"

"No way, you scared my customers. If I put an arm around you, they know you're my friend and relax again.

Ash looked around. "Damn, you're right.", he said before giving the customers the brightest smile he could muster. Rai apologized for the little disturbance and told them to keep enjoying themselves.

"How can I make that up to you? Free coffee forever? Oh, wait, now I know. What about working here? Weren't you looking for a job?"

Ash looked at him in surprise. "You were looking at job offers at our bulletin board and in the newspaper as well as in our college paper.", he explained.

"You think that's a good idea? I can hardly speak any Japanese.", Ash reminded him.

"You're Japanese is good enough by now to take orders. It would also improve your horrible Japanese pronunciation.", he reminded him with a grin on his face while Ash just glared at him.

"There are also many international college students here, so many people can't speak Japanese either. And you can also work behind the counter and just prepare the orders. You're smart. You'll figure it out.", he continued, utterly unfazed by Ash's scowl. In the end, Ash's eyes softened and he accepted the offer.

"Ok then, fine. I accept. Thanks.", he replied, lowering his gaze and feeling a bit uncomfortable at the thought that someone would do so much for him.

Rai rolled his eyes at him. "We're friends, Ash, you know that, right? So it's not a big deal."

~

Ash met Eiji in the cafeteria at Eiji's college, where they usually had lunch together. When Eiji saw him and waved, he sat down next to him.

"You're happy.", Eiji said at once. "Something good must have happened. Are you going to tell me about it?", he asked, his chin in his hand while his elbow was resting on the table, smiling encouragingly at him.

"I can't keep anything from you, can I?", Ash complained, but he couldn't hide his smile.

"I've found a job.", he told him, grinning.

"Ash, that's great! I'm so happy for you!" Then he got quiet, thinking about it in more detail.

"Wait, the job is safe and legal, right? It doesn't involve violence or danger?", he asked him in a serious tone. "And your friend isn't a dangerous gang leader or professional killer, right?" Ash didn't say anything for a moment to tease Eiji a little.

"Aslan Jade Callenreese!"

Ash's features contorted with pain. "Not that name, Eiji. You only use it when I did something seriously wrong." Eiji smirked at him in satisfaction.

"So?"

"The job is safe and legal. It's just a part-time job at a café." Relief flooded Eiji's face.

"That sounds great, Ash. Is it the café you're always waiting for my classes to finish?"

Ash nodded. "But you won't like how I got the job.", he added, suddenly flustered while running a hand through his hair.

Ash told him what had happened at the café this morning and how Ash had prevented someone from stealing by twisting his arm.

"You just twisted his arm? He's still alive, right?", Eiji asked suspiciously, knowing his impulsive behavior and his nearly inhuman strength.

"Yes, he's fine. That's all I've done, I swear.", Ash said defensively, raising his hands to emphasize his innocence.

Eiji's eyes burned with happiness. "That's amazing, Ash! I'm so proud of you. You're my hero!", he exclaimed before hugging him and giving him a peck on the cheek.

Ash blushed faintly and played it down. "I didn't do anything. And I'm not a hero, Eiji!"

"Firstly, I didn't say you're a hero, but you're my hero. And secondly, you do realize that's exactly what a hero would say, right?"


	18. Father And Son

"Ouch. What was that for?", Ash asked, annoyed as always at being interrupted while reading.

Eiji was looking through some photos while Ash was lying with his head on Eiji's lap, reading a book. Until Eiji had pinched his cheek.

When Ash was reading, he was in a completely different world and didn't notice anything around him anymore. Ash knew it was a good sign. It meant he felt safe enough to let his mind wander in other worlds and put his guard down. Eiji once told him that he loved how his features got that dreamy, unfocused look when he did that. But sometimes, Eiji had a hard time pulling him back to reality.

"Your phone is ringing, my little daydreamer. For the third time. I can't believe you haven't noticed. Answer it, ok?", he said with an amused look on his face.

"Oh, sorry." Ash grabbed his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and sat up.

"Hey, dad.", Ash greeted him cheerfully, stressing the last word more than necessary.

"Who the hell are _you,_ and what did you do to my brooding and gloomy son?"

"Really funny, old man. "If you have to know, our semester is over, and we have some free time now. So I can finally sleep in.", Ash told him, a spark of happiness in his eyes. He shared a glance with Eiji, who rolled his eyes at him. He laid his phone on the table in front of him and put it on speaker mode.

"What Ash wanted to say was that you come visit us at a perfect time because classes are over for the both of us.", Eiji translated Ash's blunt explanation. "So, we have more free time and can show you around."

"I look forward to that."

"And Ash passed his exams. He was the best in his class, of course.", Eiji added happily. "Even in his oral exam. Thanks to a certain someone.", he said proudly, a smug look on his face.

"Yeah, your sister.", Ash smirked at him. Eiji smacked him lightly on the back of his head.

"Ouch.", Ash grimaced, and Eiji grinned at him in satisfaction.

"My sister lend him some books that were a huge help to my book worm. As long as there's a book about the topic, Ash can learn anything,", he said, grinning at him. Ash gave him a dirty look but didn't deny it.

"Still, I spoke only Japanese with him for three weeks, so that he'd also pass his oral exam. His writing and grammar were excellent, but his pronunciation was a disaster."

Ash glared at him. "Says the one whose little sister can speak English better than him.", Ash reminded him bluntly. Eiji shook his head and sighed a bit too dramatically.

"As you can see, living with a genius isn't always easy. Especially if he's also a smartass. Please teach your son some manners if you're here.", Eiji pleaded with Max.

"I think my stubborn son is unteachable. But I'll try my best."

"Anyway, when are you coming? You are still coming, right?", Ash asked, a trace of uncertainty resonating in his voice. Max had intended to come much earlier, but he had to finish a project he had worked on with Ibe first, which took longer than they had initially anticipated. So the thought had occurred to Ash that maybe he didn't really want to come. He wasn't his real dad, after all. He'd never understood why he cared so much. Max had obviously heard the uncertainty in his voice as well because he responded in a firm voice.

"Yes, of course, I'm coming, Ash. I'll arrive this Friday. I'm looking forward to seeing you again, Ash. You, too, Eiji."

"Then can you come visit us on Saturday for lunch?", Eiji asked him cheerfully.

"That sounds great, Eiji."

"Will Ibe visit us together with you?", Eiji asked curiously. "Of course, he'll also come. He wanted to call you in the next few days, Eiji. He's looking forward to seeing you. I'll stay with him while I'm here."

After Max had hung up, they both went to bed. But, unlike his habit, Ash didn't continue reading a book. Normally, Eiji fell asleep first, while Ash kept reading for a few hours. But today, Ash didn't do so and was just lying next to him, awfully quiet and just staring into space. The bedside lamp was still on, so Eiji could see his face. Ash was the one to switch it off if he had finished reading.

"You're awfully quiet all of a sudden. What's wrong?"

"Why do you think anything's wrong?", Ash asked, turning his face towards Eiji.

"You have that look. The look you always get when you're overthinking things." Eiji explained while he looked directly into his eyes. "Is this about Max? I thought you're happy he's coming."

"I am. Really. It's great that I'll see him again.", Ash admitted honestly.

"But?"

"I don't know… Maybe it's just stupid…" Ash put his head on Eiji's chest so he wouldn't see his face, afraid of the disappointed look on Eiji's face.

"What if he doesn't like what he sees? How I've changed?"

"You mean that you've changed into a normal teenager who tries hard to learn Japanese while having a part-time job?", Eiji asked with a hint of amusement while stroking his blonde hair.

Ash lifted his head again, thinking he was teasing him. "I'm serious, Eiji."

Eiji just looked at him, his eyes showing pure honesty. "So am I. You've improved so much, Ash, ok? You don't flinch at every shadow anymore; you're so relaxed that you can forget your surroundings while reading, and your nightmares appear less often. You smile much more, and you're more cheerful. You're also more open and honest towards me and try to talk to me instead of suffering all alone.", Eiji honestly summed up the last six months.

"You really think so?" Ash looked at Eiji while turning to the side, so he was able to see his face.

"I know so. Max will see those changes in you as well. He'll be proud of you. All Max wants is that you're happy. He wants to see his son smile and recover. He wants to see you leading a normal life where you're safe and enjoy the peaceful and quiet life you've always wished for."

"I hope you're right."

"Of course, I'm right. Max travels across the world just to see you. That alone should clear up any remaining doubts you may have. I just wish you would be more honest with each other. You should take the chance and talk to him. Really talk to him. About everything you wanted to say to him or ask him.

Max will listen to you. He's the dad you deserve."

"I just wonder why he does all that for me. I'm not even related to him."

"Having a baby doesn't automatically turn you into a good father. You should know that better than anyone. A father is someone who is always there for you. Who is present in your life, protects you and worries about you. Who gets angry at you, fights with you, and comforts you if you need it. Who does anything for you because he loves you. A dad or a father figure doesn't necessarily have to be related to you; he just has to care for you. And Max loves you the same he does Michael. Like his own son. Such love is rare, you know? You should appreciate it more. And I can see that you love him as well. And if you're honest, you know that, too. And seeing how stubborn and impulsive you both are, everyone would instantly think you are related.", Eiji smirked at Ash.

"I'm nothing like that old man.", Ash said instantly. He crossed his arms and turned away from him in defiance.

An exasperated sigh escaped Eiji's mouth before leaning closer and putting his arms around him.

"Not true, you both couldn't be more alike. Like father and son.", Eiji argued. "It's a good thing. It's why you get along so well. Max will be proud of you, you'll see."

"You're probably right. As always.", he reluctantly admitted, half-smiling before turning around to him again.

Eiji let go of him for a moment and kissed him on his forehead. Ash loved it when Eiji did that. It made him feel protected and safe. It felt like home. Ash smiled and put his head on Eiji's chest again before putting his arms around him. He always slept better if he could feel Eiji's presence at night. The last thing he noticed was how Eiji pulled the blanket over them both, then put an arm around him as well before he was soundly asleep.

~~~

"So, what do you want me to cook?"

They were both having breakfast in the living room. Max would arrive the following Friday, and Eiji wanted to cook something for lunch the following day. Ash looked up from his book and looked at Eiji.

"What do you mean? We can just go to a restaurant or café with Max and Ibe. You don't have to put in that much effort."

Eiji's eyes burned brightly as his stubborn expression returned. He snatched the book out of his hand before Ash could stop him.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ash!", he exclaimed in an exasperated voice while his brown eyes were flashing dangerously. "After they've done so much for us, we should at least cook something for them to thank them genuinely. Everything else would be completely rude! And you owe Max your life. Don't you ever forget that!", Eiji exclaimed angrily, shoving his chopsticks into his face before putting them down and pouring himself some more coffee.

Then he pointed at him. "And you'll be the one who will do the cooking. Max saved your life, so you will cook something for him to thank him. Since you're too stubborn to thank him with words honestly."

Ash sighed dramatically. "I knew you would say that. If you're like that, you're scary; you know that?"

Eiji grinned at him. "The infamous gang leader and public enemy no.1, Ash Lynx, is scared of me? That's hilarious."

"I bet you could incapacitate someone with those chopsticks. Sometimes you're holding them like a weapon. Like two little swords about to strike. And has your mother never taught you that it's rude to point at people? Even I know that much."

Eiji glared at him. "She did teach me that.", he admitted. "But then I met a rude, blonde gang leader. Sometimes I have to use drastic measures on him to get my point across." Ash gave him an amused glance.

"But, Eiji, I can't cook. At least not as good as you do. I only know some basic dishes. Do you have an idea what I could make without setting the kitchen on fire?"

"No, I don't. That's why I asked my little genius here. Ibe is easy since he's Japanese. He knows all the Japanese food. But Max is American. He probably reacts the same as you did. Meaning he would say Japanese food stinks." Ash could picture that in his mind and grinned. He was like him. More the meat and fast food kind of guy.

"What about those pan-fried dumplings we made together the other day? What were they called again? Gyoza? As an appetizer, I mean. "We can prepare those."

"You love dumplings, huh?", Eiji asked, smiling.

"Only if we make them together. That was fun.", Ash smiled at him while remembering that.

"Yes, it really was. Although there was more food on your shirt than in the gyoza.", he teased him.

"But I really loved cooking together with you. It was so much more fun. Everything is much more fun together with you.", he added, winking at him. Ash's cheeks flushed in embarrassment at that remark, and he stubbornly looked away.

Eiji had slowly talked Ash into cooking with him. When Ash was hesitant, Eiji had explained his reasoning to him.

"It will be a great way for you to learn that a knife can be used in other ways. That a knife can also create delicious food and beautiful things."

When Ash was still skeptical, Eiji told him to close his eyes. When Ash just stared at him with a blank face, Eiji pouted at him. "You think I'd hurt you? I thought you trusted me?", he said, crossing his arms and feigning annoyance.

"I do. Fine, whatever." Ash closed his eyes. Eiji cut something on a cutting board while humming to himself.

"Eiji?"

"Wait for a bit. I'm nearly done."

"Here you go.", he said, holding out a plate with cut apples out to him. He looked at them for a moment in confusion before his eyes lit up, and he moved closer. "Are those rabbits?", he asked quietly, picking one up and inspecting them from all sides.

"Yes, they're apple bunnies. Aren't they cute?", Eiji beamed at him in this innocent way he had. His eyes were shining a golden brown while he had that radiant and happy smile that Ash so loved. He was about to say some witty remark, as usual. It was already on the tip of his tongue. But when he saw Eiji's happiness and his overjoyed smile, he just couldn't do it.

He realized with a start that Eiji wanted to demonstrate to him that a knife can also create cute and beautiful things. That a knife wasn't necessarily evil in itself. It depended on how you used it.

And who was using it.

"Ok, I admit, that's cute. And teaching me something this way is so like you.", Ash said, smiling. "You mean to say that there are always two sides to every coin? Eiji stood there for a moment before understanding flashed in his eyes.

"Yes, exactly. A knife can kill, but it can also be used to create art or beautiful and delicious dishes. Like a gun can kill people but also protect people at the same time. Like you've always protected me."

"You're probably right.", Ash admitted slowly. "Thanks, Eiji."

"Can you – no, never mind – That's just stupid.", Ash cut himself off. He could never do it… create something beautiful with a knife. There was too much blood on his hands… Sometimes if he looked at his hands, he could still see the blood dripping off of them…

"No, say what you wanted to say.", Eiji insisted, looking into his eyes. "Ask me. It's not stupid.", he assured him. He smiled encouragingly at him.

"Can you – show me how you've done that?", he asked quietly, his voice barely a whisper. He looked down at the floor, avoiding Eiji's eyes.

Eiji took his hands into his. "Ash, you can also create beautiful things with your hands. Only because you've never tried doesn't mean you can't do it. He rubbed small circles into the back of his hands. "I thought you had understood my reasoning. Like a knife, your hands can hurt and kill people, but they can also be gentle, heal and save people. Like me." He took his hands and led them to his face so that his hands were cupping both of his cheeks. "Your hands have always helped me, protected me saved me.", he clarified further. "And they can also create beautiful things. Try it; I'll show you how."

Ash removed his hands from his face again, then nodded quietly and leaned onto his shoulder for a moment. Eiji stroked the back of his head affectionately. "You can do it, Ash. You can do anything. I believe in you." Ash looked up at him, a small smile on his lips before determination sparkled in his eyes.

"Show me."

Eiji showed it to him while Ash stood behind him, his arms around Eiji's waist. He was looking over his shoulder, watching his movements closely. Then he tried it himself. Eiji gave him some tips, but they seemed pretty good for the first time.

"Yours look better.", Ash stated matter-of-factly, but he still smiled. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For showing me each day that life is beautiful.", he whispered into his ear before kissing him.

While Ash had remembered that, Eiji had apparently talked to him because he had that stubborn look that he always got when he had drifted off to La-La Land again and had not heard a word Eiji had said.

"Sorry, I just remembered how much fun cooking with you was.", he apologized. That made Eiji's eyes light up, and his features softened.

"How about we make Japanese curry? I love curry so Max will like it, too. And it's easy to make. Even I can do it. With your help, of course.", Ash suggested, winking at him. A faint red crossed Eiji's cheeks.

"That's a great idea. And you could do brownies for dessert."

"You just want to eat my brownies again. Just admit it."

"You're right. Your brownies are the best. Please?", he pleaded with him. "Can you resist this face?", he asked, giving him his most radiant smile.

"I can't, actually. And you know it." A mischievous look spread across Eiji's face, the one he always got when his bright and innocent smile had worked on Ash.

The following day, Max and Ibe arrived.

Ash opened the door, grinning mischievously. Max stood in front of him, a frustrated look on his face while Ibe just grinned.

"You weren't exaggerating about the difficulties of finding a Japanese address. Without Ibe, I would have never found it.", Max scoffed.

"Come in.", Eiji said, and they led them to their living room. Max and Ibe looked at all the photos.

They had decorated it with many photos of New York and their trips around Izumo. Their favorite picture was hanging on the wall on the right. It was a New York skyline with a sunset in the background turning the surroundings in a golden-orange light.

"Have you made all these? They're excellent. You have a great eye for detail.", Ibe praised him. "You've really improved in the last six months."

"Thank you. I hope I'll get even better if I'm working with you again."

Ash knew Ibe and Eiji wanted to talk about their work for a bit, so he led Max to his room.

Ibe and Eiji were already so immersed in their conversation that they didn't even notice.

"You're really the chaotic professor-type, huh?, Max asked, when entering Ash's room, looking at the towers of books everywhere. Across his desk, papers were strewn, and a computer was set up in the middle. In one corner was a bed and in another a shelf with so many books that every space had already been occupied.

"Why haven't you decorated your room?", Max asked. "It looks like your old hideout.

"Eiji told me the same. But decorate it with what exactly? You usually decorate a room with personal belongings. I didn't bring anything with me."

"Then I have something for you. Here.", he said, handing him a little package. "Open it."

Ash did so, unwrapping the present. There were two framed pictures inside. One was the picture he had been staring at in Griffin's and his little cottage back in Cape Cod. In the picture, they were both wearing baseball uniforms, and Ash was probably five or six years old. Griffin was kneeling next to him, so he was at the same height as him and had put an arm around his shoulder. Both were smiling into the camera.

The other one was a picture of a younger Max and Griffin, both in an Army uniform smiling and putting an arm around each other's shoulders while standing in some desert landscape in front of an army truck.

"Griff…",Ash just muttered while a single tear ran down his face. Max put an arm around his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Ash. I didn't want to make you feel sad, but I thought you'd like to have them."

Ash wiped his tear away and nodded. "Thank you. I don't have any photos of Griff at all."

"Open your hand.", Max said. A frown appeared on his face. "Why?"

"Just do it. Please.", Max said impatiently. Ash finally held out his hand. Max took something out of his bag and put it in Ash's hand. Ash stared at it. "Are those…?

"Griffin's dog tags. We switched them at one point, and I've found them again while I moved with Jessica to New York.", Max explained, smiling. "The photos are not the original; I had Ibe enlarge them."

"Thank you, Dad.", Ash said, smiling sadly at him. Then he hugged him. "I'm glad that you're here."

"Me, too. You two have a beautiful apartment. So, tell me what I missed –

That's when Eiji called that lunch was ready, and they should come back.

"We'll talk later. Come on."

Ash helped Eiji serving the food, and they sat down at their table in the living room.

Max looked at all of it with unhidden curiosity. "What's that? It smells delicious."

Eiji looked shyly at Ash. Ash just put an arm around his shoulder.

"Those are gyoza. They're pan-fried dumplings. It's just an appetizer."

Ash pointed at the chopsticks lying next to the table. "So, dad, will you use chopsticks, or will you use a fork like a barbarian? Max's eyes tightened, and he glared at him.

"Shut up. I bet you couldn't use chopsticks before coming here, either."

"That's where you're wrong. He could already use chopsticks back in New York. We sometimes ordered Japanese, and he could use them so well I once told him that he could live in Japan."

Ash looked smugly at him. "Damn genius. But just so you know, I can use chopsticks as well. But probably not as good as you. ", he admitted reluctantly. Ash had to admit, Max could handle chopsticks rather well for someone who preferred fast food.

"Probably Jessica's influence.", Ibe whispered to Eiji, who grinned.

"Is that curry? It smells really good.", when they served the main dish.

"Eiji makes the best curry. It's amazing."

"But this time Ash has prepared the curry.", Eiji added proudly.

"You've done that?", Max asked in surprise. Then he looked at the curry more closely. "Is that safe to eat – Ouch!"

Ash had punched him in the shoulder. "Watch it, old man."

Then Eiji elbowed him. Ash sighed dramatically and looked at Ibe and Max.

"I wanted to thank you two for saving my life.", Ash admitted quietly. "Eiji suggested cooking something for you. But I can only cook simple things…"

"I'm sure it will taste great, Ash. Eiji's cooking is great, and I bet he's a great teacher.", Ibe said, smiling. Ash smiled gratefully at him.

After they had all taken curry and rice, Max tried it and touched Ash's shoulder gently. "It tastes delicious, Ash.", patting his head like a small child.

"Stop that, old man!", Ash exclaimed as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment, pulling back his head and looking away from him. Eiji and Ibe burst out laughing.

"Seeing you pout like that makes you look like a little kid."

Ash glared at him but couldn't hide the spark of happiness in his eyes.

Eiji and Ibe's eyes met, and they grinned. "You're father and son, alright.", Ibe teased them. "No paternity test necessary.", Eiji added with an amused look on his face.

After they had finished eating and were eating the brownies Ash had made, Eiji grew a bit nervous.

"Do you both have time tomorrow? My mom wanted to invite you for lunch as well. She wanted to thank you because we told her you've helped us a lot in New York. She knows Ibe, of course, but not Max.

"Ouch.", Max scoffed. "What did you tell her about me?"

"That you were in jail when Eiji and Ibe wanted to meet you. And that –

"You told her I've been in jail? Are you completely insane?", Max exclaimed furiously, slamming a hand on the table. Eiji actually flinched.

"Sorry, Max, it slipped my tongue before I knew it." Eiji looked down, a guilty look on his face.

"That's just great.", Max grumbled.

Ash went over to Eiji's side, putting his arm around him and glared at Max.

"Hey, don't blame Eiji, ok? Do you have any idea how much he has to keep secret from his family? Eiji is the most honest person I've ever met. It's hard on him, ok? On the both of us. We can't tell his mom the whole truth about what happened in New York, so we agreed on a rough version that she'd believe.

"He's right, Max. It's hard to keep things from your family. From people you love.", Ibe replied calmly while looking at Max.

"And you have only yourself to blame. You're too hot-headed sometimes.", Ash reminded him.

"Says the one who is as impulsive as me and ended up in jail himself. For first degree murder.", Max countered, giving him a dirty look.

"I was set up. What's your excuse?"

"Fine, I get it. You're right.", Max admitted reluctantly. Then he turned to Eiji. "I'm sorry, Eiji. I overreacted. It's not your fault. I'll explain the situation to your mom. And ask her to take care of my dumb son.

Then he looked at Ash, then Eiji.

"So, what exactly did you tell her?"

~~~

When Ash was leaving the apartment with Max to show him around Izumo, he realized suddenly that he had never really talked with his _dad_. Yes, he had spoken with Max when he had still been treated at the hospital. Even so, there had never been a time where they had been alone for long and had been able to talk about all the things that had happened. That was probably why Eiji had suggested that Ash showed Max around Izumo while they talked about photography and about Ibe's latest projects and when Eiji could start working with him again.

Now he suddenly realized that this was the perfect time for some questions he'd been dying to ask him. But he didn't know how to start. He hadn't seen Max for such a long time, and he sucked at small talk. And that was an understatement.

So he first led Max through the little streets in their neighborhood and showed him their favorite places. Like the café around the corner that had the best cakes in Izumo that Eiji loved or the place, they bought sushi if they were too lazy to cook. And of course, the book store that Ash loved and could spend hours in. The store where Eiji bought his camera lenses and other stuff for photography.

He walked through those little streets with him and noticed how he slowly relaxed while showing him around. Max looked at everything with interest and curiosity and listened intently to everything he told him. After a while, they turned right until they reached the river. The walked onto the bridge crossing the river until they stood in the middle and leaned on the railing. Ash showed him the University hospital on the left side and pointed to the slightly smaller grounds behind it, telling him that was the college campus where Eiji studied. Behind the campus was his language school, but you couldn't see it from the bridge since the University and the hospital grounds were blocking it.

When they stood on the bridge, Max looked at him while his intense blue eyes filled with worry bored into his, taking a closer look at him.

"So, how are you really doing, Ash? You look awfully pale as if you haven't slept in days. And please don't say you're fine, ok? I'm worried about you, you know?", he told him, putting a hand on his shoulder while they walked back, leaving the bridge the same way they had come, heading towards a small park close to the river.

"If you don't stop worrying so much, you'll turn gray before your time, old man."Ash teased him to cover up how nervous he was. Max didn't fall for it. Instead, he gave him a knowing look and flicked his forehead. "Don't push it, kid.", before messing up his hair.

Ash always complained when Max ruffled his hair and called him a kid. Even so, if he was truly honest with himself, he loved it when Max did that. Because it felt familiar, it reminded him of Griffin, who had always patted his head like that when he was small. He couldn't help but smile at the memory.

"I'm not a kid.", Ash protested half-heartedly again, but the soft glow in his eyes gave him away. "You came here all the way from the US to see me. The least I can do is tell you the truth."

"Which is?"

"I'm not fine. I'm aware of that. But I'm slowly getting there. I don't flinch at every shadow I see anymore. My nightmares appear less often, and they aren't as violent and terrifying as before. I'm slowly learning to trust people again. At least Eiji tells me that I'm improving. But it's still hard for me to believe that people like me for who I am. Without any ulterior motives.", he admitted, running a hand through his hair.

Max smiled at him. "Thanks, Ash, I think you've never been so honest with me before. Recovery takes time. But I can already see the change in you. You're much more relaxed, and your face reveals more emotions now. You don't have that stoic expression anymore that covers them up. I've always known that everything will work out as long as Eiji would be by your side. And you seem to enjoy your new life here. I can see in your eyes and the small smile playing on your lips that you've settled down here. And the way you talk about Izumo shows that you love it here. It feels like home to you."

Ash looked at him and gave him a shy smile.

"I enjoy living here. It's exactly as Eiji had described it to me. Quiet and peaceful. I've never seen any violence or a gun anywhere. People were wary of me and my foreign looks at first, but they soon got used to me. And most people here still know Eiji, and since he's just a nice guy, everyone accepted me as well. Izumo is very close to the town I've imagined when thinking about a normal life.", Ash agreed while his eyes sparkled when talking about his new hometown.

"I'm glad to hear that.", returning the smile. Then his eyes darkened a bit while he scrutinized Ash's face. "But that still doesn't explain why you look so exhausted. What happened?"

They had been walking through a little park close to the river for a while, so Max motioned to a bank where he sat down. Ash remained standing, a stubborn look on his face.

"That's your fault, old man. I didn't sleep because of you!", Ash suddenly blurted out.

"You've lost me. Why – "

"I was fucking nervous, ok?, Ash cried out. He finally sat down next to him, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a calming breath. "I thought you wouldn't like how much I've changed. That I've disappointed you… Or that…"

"That I'd abandon you eventually? And that I would change my mind to come visit you here?, Max finished for him, shaking his head in disbelief.

Ash just nodded and looked away from him. He just sat there, bent forward, his arms resting on his knees. His gaze was turned down toward the ground, and his blonde strands had fallen into his face, covering his eyes. After a moment, he felt a gentle touch on his right shoulder.

"Ash, why would I ever be disappointed in you?", he asked him honestly. Ash looked sadly at him, then leaned his head on his shoulder. Max froze up for a fraction of a second, entirely taken by surprise – Ash could feel it – then Max's arm around his shoulder tightened, pulling him a bit closer.

"You've improved so much, Ash. You didn't even flinch when I touched you just now. Although you didn't see it coming. You would have pinned me to the ground when I would have done that back in New York.", he said, grinning at him. "And you would have never leaned on my shoulder like that. It shows you slowly learn to trust people. That you trust me. That alone means much more to me than words could ever express. A small smile crossed Ash's lips when hearing that.

"You've built a new life here. You're learning Japanese, and you have the normal life you've always wanted. I'm so relieved that you're doing better and enjoy your life here."

"I've also found a job here. And maybe a friend."

"You have? That's great, Ash. You deserve to be happy. I'm so proud of you. This is the life Griffin would have wanted you to have. He'd be proud as well if he were able to see his little brother."

That made Ash look up at him in surprise. "You really think so?", he asked, a spark of happiness lighting up his green eyes.

"I know so. When we were abroad, Griffin often talked about you and kept staring at a picture of you he always kept in one of his pockets. It was the only thing that kept him going. Seeing you again. He loved you and constantly wrote letters to you."

"Yes, I remember them. They were pages long. Griffin talked about you in his letters as well. He told me you were his best friend and that you always looked out for him." Ash smiled when remembering that, a dreamy look on his face.

"I miss him, too, you know? He was the best friend I've ever had. But I'll never forgive myself for shooting him. You'll probably always hate me for that."

"Now who's the clueless idiot?", Ash smirked at him.

"Huh?" Max's eyes widened as he stared at him, a blank look on his face. Ash sat up again and removed some strands out of his face before meeting his gaze.

"I admit when we met in jail, I tried to hate you." With slumped shoulders, he looked down at his hands. "I just needed someone to hate. Someone, I could take out all my anger on. Someone to blame for everything. For Griffin's fate. And my own. And when I learned, you were Griff's best friend and the one who had shot him, all my memories of the time I spent with Griff came flooding back, overwhelming me.", Ash explained to him before rubbing the back of his neck and staring off into the distance.

"I sense a but coming?", Max asked hopefully.

Ash smiled softly at that, looking directly into Max's ice-blue eyes.

"But I could never hate you, dad, not after everything you've done for me. You saved my life. I think Griff would smile if he saw that his best friend looked after me when he couldn't do so anymore. He'd thank you that you saved his little, stubborn brother." A single tear slid across Max's cheek as he stared at Ash in surprise. Then, a smile spread across his face, and he looked up at the blue sky as if seeing Griffin smiling down at them. Ash followed his gaze. Eiji would believe in dumb stuff like that. He'd insist that his brother watched over him from above. The idea that Griff held a protective hand over him warmed him from the inside, and a small smile softened his features.

After a moment of comfortable silence, he turned to Max again.

"The time with Griff was the only time in my life, I was truly happy. It wasn't perfect, but we always had each other.", he admitted quietly, gripping Griffin's dog tags around his neck that Max had given to him like a lifeline while tears ran down his face.

Max stared at him wide-eyed, completely stunned. Then he pulled him closer and hugged him tightly.

"I miss him every day.", Ash sobbed into his shoulder.

"I know. I feel the same. Griffin was the best friend I had. Like you, he didn't deserve his fate. No one should go, though so many hardships like you two did. I just wish I would have met you sooner, Ash. Maybe I could have at least protected you. Or saved you."

"You're here now.", Ash pulled out of the hug, wiping his tears away. Max smiled at him.

That I am, kiddo. And I'll keep coming back here and checking up on you.", he promised.

"You're my real dad and the only one I accept in that role besides Griff. Eiji told me once that you're the dad I deserve. That a dad doesn't have to be related to you. He just has to be present in your life and care about you. And I think he's right. Eiji's always right when it comes to emotions."

"Thank you, Ash. It means a lot to me. I love you like my own son and would do anything for you. Please, always remember that." Then Max did something that Ash had never expected. He put an arm around him and kissed him on the top of his head. Ash's eyes widened in surprise before he relaxed and leaned on his shoulder again. He wondered if he had imagined the tears in Max's eyes…

"What was that for?

"To tell you I've missed you. And that I worry about you. Even if I live several thousand miles away from you, and even if you are still a rude and stubborn brat. You're my son, after all."

"I've missed you, too. Even if my dad is a real pain in the ass at times. But I'm glad you're here."

"Ash, I know you're still struggling every day, but you're on the right way. Just don't give up. Eiji needs you, too."

"Yes, I know. It's a mystery to me how he never gave up on me. There were some incidents where I overreacted. I panicked a few times when we were in crowded places, and people touched me out of nowhere. I twisted their arms or pinned them to the ground for no reason. I hated myself for reacting like that, but I just did so on instinct, like on autopilot. I hated that Eiji had to apologize on my behalf and had to offer to pay for their purchases as well. As compensation, so they didn't call the police.", Ash elaborated further.

"At the beginning, I thought Eiji would abandon me eventually, especially when I overreacted like that. But Eiji just assured me everything was fine and hugged me until I had calmed down. Then he helped me up and took my hand on the way home, explaining to me that my trauma wouldn't go away in a few days, and everything would be fine as long as we were together. I don't know what I would have done without him."

"How did Eiji explain your overreaction away?"

"I asked him once, and he told me that he had explained to the people that I was a survivor of war." Ash smiled sadly. "Well, he isn't wrong. I am a survivor of war in a way."

"Definitely. I'm glad that Eiji took such good care of you. So how are things between the two of you? You two seem pretty happy together."

"We are. Eiji is the best thing ever happening to me. He's always there for me, even when I break down and cry or if I'm terrified from one of my nightmares.", he smiled softly, but there was a hint of darkness flickering in his eyes.

"But?"

"Don't get me wrong. I know by now that Eiji loves me. And that he won't leave me. I see it in his eyes, in his too open and honest face and every fiber of his being. But it's still hard for me to understand how Eiji can love someone like me. How can he so easily forgive all the evil things I've done when I can't even forgive myself?", Ash asked, biting his lip and avoiding Max's gaze.

Max gripped both of his shoulders gently but firmly and looked at him. That made Ash look up in surprise.

"That's the point, Ash. You have to let go, come to terms with your past. And most, of all, you have to forgive yourself. Only then you'll be truly happy with Eiji. The only one standing between that happiness is yourself.", Max explained seriously. Ash sat there with slumped shoulders and looked at his hands as if he could still see blood on them.

"I don't think I can ever forgive myself for killing so many people. And all the people dying just because they were close to me."

"Ash, I know you don't want to hear this. But I'm going to say it anyway even if you get angry. Because I worry about you. You have to think about therapy eventually. It would help you – "

"No! I don't need another shrink who wants to turn me into a guinea pig. All the psychologists, psychiatrists, and doctors wanted to experiment on me. I don't trust any of them ever again. And I don't want to talk to a random stranger about my abusive past when that person only knows abuse from textbooks and TV."

"There are different kinds of therapies – "

"Drop it, Max, ok? For now, I have Eiji. That's all I need!"

"Ash, Eiji is not a psychologist. All I want to suggest is that you think about it. Please. Promise me."

When Ash didn't react, he gripped his shoulders again, more firmly this time. "Promise me, Ash!"

"Fine, whatever. I promise to think about it. Can we talk about something else now?", he asked stubbornly. He knew he had to face the topic one day, but for now, he wanted to use the time to ask Max some questions that he had never had the time to ask.

"Yeah, like what?"

"Why do you care so much about me? Is it only because I'm Griff's little brother? Because I look like him? Because I remind you of him?"

"What? No!", Max exclaimed a bit too harshly. Then he took a deep breath, calming himself.

"Ok, I admit, at the beginning, it was also because you were Griff's little brother. But when I learned what you've gone through, I just wanted to protect you. Save you. I felt –

"Pity?"

"Ash, you should know me better!", Max exclaimed furiously. "There's a difference between pity and compassion, you know?"

"That's the point. I didn't know. In my world, there was no place for compassion, only for negative emotions like pity. When I accused Eiji to pity me once in New York, Eiji got mad at me and then explained the difference to me. It made me feel like an idiot. I may be a genius, but when it comes to emotions, I'm completely clueless. It took me months to realize that what I was feeling for Eiji was love. And even longer to find out that he returned my feelings.

"Please tell me you've told him that?, Ash?"

"Actually, Eiji confessed to me first because I'm a dumbass and would have never realized Eiji's feelings on my own. But I told him that I loved him as well, yes."

"Well, finally. It was about time.", Max grinned at him. "So, after you confessed what happened, then?"

"We kissed. Like in jail.", Ash smiled wickedly.

"Thanks. I don't think I need to know more. At least you're both happy. I'm relieved. You really look much happier and much more healthy. But what changed is your smile. It's not fake anymore. It's genuine and even reaches your eyes and makes them light up. I'm really glad I was able to save you.", Max confessed, a tear rolling down his face. This time, Ash put an arm around his shoulder.

"Me, too. I know I'm still struggling, but for the first time in my life, I'm glad to be alive. That's probably a good thing. Eiji shows me new reasons to live every day. He enjoys so many small things in life I've never even noticed. I'm sure I'm gonna be fine as long as I'm by his side. I still think I had to go through hell to deserve someone as pure and good as Eiji in the end."

"That's a good way to see it.", Max agreed.

"Eiji thinks it was fate that we met. His sister gave him a charm that said _Good Marriage,_ and he's convinced that's why he met me. He even dragged me to the damn temple to pray for our happiness together."

"That sounds like Eiji alright.", Max grinned. So did Ash.

"Come on, dad. "I'll show you the rest of Izumo."


End file.
